If I could, then I would..

By Kestral

Chapter 1: The Beginning Of The End

"It's time to wake up, Ryan."
I heard the words as if my head was underwater. I knew someone was calling me, but they seemed so very far away, as if at the other end of a long tunnel. This tunnel, was like a fast flowing river, as I fought to battle against the current, struggling and floundering to reach the end, and the voice. As if they were filled with lead, I forced my eyelids open, to gaze up at my mother, the face of the voice that had dragged me from the murky depths of my own subconsciousness.
My mother's face was aglow with warmth, joy and relief dancing in her deep grey-blue eyes, as well as the merest hint of sadness. I tried to speak, but the sound died in my throat, long before it could reach my lips. I felt my mother's loving hands brush my cheek, then stray to stroke tenderly through my tousled brown hair, the same colour as her own.
I ventured to speak again, and this time, I felt the words released in a strangled voice that didn't sound like my own/
"Mum," I croaked feebly. "Where am I? What's happened?"
I saw the smile and sparkle die away in her eyes, though she forced her lips to remain, though she knew I could tell their smile was fake.
"You had an accident, honey," she whispered, still running her fingers through my hair. "Don't you remember?"
I tried to shake my head. I didn't remember. But I found I couldn't. I suddenly noticed the rigid plastic and brown foam clamped firmly around my neck.
"Lay still, sweetie," hushed my mother.
I felt a creeping sense of unease and panic rise in my throat.
"Mum," I repeated, but more urgently. "What happened? Why am I wearing this?"
And then the tears my mother had so desperately sought to swallow came. They ran down her pale cheeks in tiny, glistening rivulets.
"You fell, Ryan. From the old oak tree. I heard you scream from the kitchen, and I ran out to find you lying there. I thought, I thought you were...." she trailed off as the sobs overcame her.
My mind raced. I couldn't remember being up in the oak tree, or falling. I couldn't remember anything about today.
"You were out cold," she continued, dabbing her eyes with a scrap of tissue. Her black mascara was smeared across her eyelids, a trickle running down her face. "I called the ambulance and they rushed you here."
I hated to see her so distraught, so I attempted to sit up, with the intention of giving her a hug. To try and make things better. But I couldn't. Alarm bells rang wildly inside my head. I'd been so groggy, so disorientated, that I hadn't noticed. Below my waist, I could feel absolutely nothing.
"Mum," I bleated desperately. "What's wrong with my legs?"
I'll never forget the look in my mother's eyes as she answered that question. It was a look I would come to recognise all too well. They were filled with nothing but abject pity.
"You damaged your spine in the fall, Ryan," she answered heavily, as if she did not truly believe what she was saying. "You're paralysed."
"But," I stuttered, grasping for something, some hope to cling on to. A lifeline. "It'll wear off, won't it? When I get better."
My mother closed her delicate hands around mine, pressing their warmth against my cold, clammy skin.
"Honey, the damage was really, really rather bad. The doctors, they, they don't think you'll ever be able to walk again."
And then she broke down completely, her body wracked with gasping sobs. She cradled my head in her lap, all the while her deft fingers playing through my messy, damp hair. Bending down, she placed a soft kiss on my forehead.
I couldn't speak. I couldn't think. I couldn't even cry like she could. I felt as if I'd been plunged back into that river, and that this time, there was no way out.
The bed shifted and creaked as my mother stood, smoothing the creamy fabric of her shift dress.
"Get some sleep, Ryan," she said gently. "I'm just going to meet your father. He's bringing David and Sorrel. I'll be back as soon as I can."
I didn't answer. I didn't trust myself to try and speak, for I felt that if I opened my mouth, I would just scream and never stop. I lay and watched my mother leave and hurry off down the corridor.

So here I am, Ryan Andrew Masters, nearly 16 years old, and paralysed from the waist down. Even writing it down in this diary doesn't make it seem real. I keep thinking that any minute now I'll roll over and wake up, and that this whole thing will have been just a dream. But it's not. It's real.
I've been trying not to think about it too much, to not let the full truth in. But I know I'll have to someday.
What sort of life am I going to have from now on? Dad had his big dream that I would go into the army, just like him and David. There's no chance of that, not now. What would they do, carry me around the assault course? The army don't take cripples like me.

Mum was true to her word. She returned a few minutes later, with Dad, David and Sorrel. For a moment, as my family arranged themselves around my bed, there was an uneasy silence, that seemed to hang, heavy in the air, like a cloud of smoke. David, my older brother spoke first.
"How you feeling then, bro?" he'd asked, trying to sound cheerful and natural.
I just wanted to tell him where to shove it, but under my father's eye, I held my tongue.

I've never been good enough for my dad, the top soldier and army technician or whatever he's meant to be. Anything new and complicated, whether it be aircraft, vehicle or weaponry, if it belongs to the army, you can bet my father designed it.
David is the perfect son he wanted. He inherited the Andrew Masters athletic frame, the blonde hair, big green eyes and charming smile. I got none of that and as such, when he thinks I can't hear him talking to mum, he'll refer to me as, 'your son.'
And now, I'm lying here as good as useless, what must he think of me now? Perhaps he'll take me out and shoot me with some new gun he's just developed, like he did last year with our old retriever dog, Gus.

Sorrel was her usual sweet self. My little six year old sister, after looking me over for a moment, clambered up onto the bed and gave me a cuddle. Her long, pale golden blonde hair escaping from its braid, she gave me a big wet kiss on the cheek.
"S'Ok Ryee," she said, still using the silly name she used for me when she'd just learned to talk, and couldn't say Ryan. "You'll get all better."
I wished it was as easy as Sorrel made it seem, but deep down, I realised that I could do all the physio they could throw at me, be a model patient, and yet still be no better.
"When can I go home?" I asked, my voice clearer. "I don't want to stay here."
My mother, Judith, shook her head.
"I don't know, darling," she answered. "We'll have to wait and see what the doctor says."
Sorrel ruffled her fingers through my hair and playfully prodded my nose.
"Ryee gonna come home soon," she announced proudly. "All better."
My father moved forward.
"I think it's time you went home to bed little lady," he said, lifting Sorrel up.
"No!" she protested stubbornly, wriggling and squirming like a fish out of water. "Don't wanna go! Wanna stay an make Ryee all better!"
I smiled up at my sister.
"I'm going to beddy-byes now too, Baby," I said. "You go home with Daddy and you can come back tomorrow and be my special nurse."
The little girl's face brightened at once.
"Ok," she said simply, stopping her wriggling. "Night nights, Ryee."
"Night nights, Baby."
And with that she allowed my father to carry her out of the room. He never even looked back, let alone said goodbye. I turned to David.
"Why are you still here?" I asked pointedly.
"Ryan," chided my mother.
David rolled his eyes at me.
"If that's the way you want it," he said roughly. "Then fine. I'm gone."
I watched him kiss my mother goodbye and then leave, glancing back at me with an angry glare.
My mother sat down heavily on the black plastic chair beside my bed. She looked exhausted.
"Get some sleep," I said imploringly.
She yawned.
"But I have to look after you, sweetheart," she reasoned.
I looked up at her, concerned.
"Mum," I began solemnly. "I'm going to sleep now, just like I told Baby. You don't have to watch me sleep."
She rubbed her eyes and brushed a stray strand of her wavy tresses behind her ear.
"Ok, honey," she relented, too tired to offer any real resistance. "If you need anything, wake me up."
I nodded, then watched as her eyelids grew heavy and sleep embraced her. I followed the slow rise and fall of her breathing, until I was certain that she was fast asleep.

And then, I began to cry. I wept for everything that had happened today. For my mother and for Baby, for the futility of the relationship between my father and I. But most of all, I wept for myself, and the partial, incomplete creature I had become, until I had nothing left. Nothing.

Chapter 2: You've Got A Friend

"So how are you feeling today, Ryan?" the doctor asked in her sickeningly patronizing, chirpy voice. I looked at her blankly.
"I'm feeling just fine today, Doc," I answered, in a mocking impersonation of her. "Oh, except for below my waist," I added bluntly, sarcastically. "In which case I am feeling absolutely nothing."
The doctor, her short auburn hair swept back into a stumpy ponytail, sighed heavily.
"I'll leave you to it, Ryan," she muttered flatly, turning and leaving.
"Stupid woman!" I spat.

A month after I woke up to find myself paralysed, and I'm still in hospital. But at least I'm up and about, well, if you can call it that. I'm now sitting in a rickety old black and silver hospital wheelchair, though I still haven't got the hang of it.
Pushing the wheels myself is a massive effort. I've been forced to wear these tough, fingerless gloves. The first day of being in the chair, my hands were rubbed raw, until they bled and blistered. The pain, combined with this wheelchair's tendency to handle like a three-wheeled shopping trolley, makes even crossing the room a military operation.
But today, there's something to be a little happy about. I'm going home. My mother has persuaded the doctors I will recover far better at home. She insisted that the nurses show her all the physio I'm going to need. After about an hour, they were convinced that she can do everything as well as they can, and have allowed me to be discharged today. All I have to do now, is wait to be collected.

I could hear footsteps coming down the corridor, and the voice of one of the nurses, above the rhythmic clink of metal.
"Your parents will be here in about an hour, Jason," the nurse said briskly, before I heard her leave.
I turned my head slightly. I'd positioned the wheelchair up by the big bay window, where I could see the cars going in and out of the car park. I was aware of someone else in the room.
"You going home today, too?" asked a male voice.
With considerable effort, and the odd swear word, I manoeuvred the chair around to face the voice. It's owner was a boy of about my age. He was quite a bit taller than myself, nearing 6ft, and much more tanned. He had a cheerful smile daubed on his face and bright hazel eyes. His hair, at a guess, was naturally a fairly darkish brown, but was dyed a vibrant shade of platinum blonde.
It was obvious why he was in hospital. As my eyes moved down to see that he was on crutches, his left leg swathed in plaster from mid-thigh to toe.
"Rugby injury," he said, nodding at his leg. "The other team had two players the size of bulldozers who decided to take me out at the exact same time. They both landed on my leg. Man, you should have heard the crunch!" he laughed as he remembered. "Broke it clean in two. Bone's pinned back together now."
I screwed up my nose.
"Ouch!"
He nodded vigorously.
"You bet!" he exclaimed. "I nearly told them to just cut it off! So, how'd you..." he stopped abruptly, unsure.
"I fell from a tree," I said simply. "So what's your name?"
"Oh," he said, hopping forward. "My names Jason. Jason Sanderson. But everyone calls me Jay. You?"
"Ryan Masters," I replied.
"And what do people usually call you?" asked Jay.
I furrowed my brow.
"They call me, Ryan, I guess. Just Ryan." I wasn't about to admit to answering to Ryee! "You can't really shorten Ryan."
Jay mulled this over.
"No," he agreed. "I guess not."
"So where do you live?" I asked, continuing the conversation. "Nearby?"
Jay nodded.
"We just moved here, to Blue River, I mean. I was meant to be starting at Lakeland High today, well, before this happened anyway!"
"Well that's one way to make an entrance," I remarked smiling. "I go there, to Lakeland."
"Cool," said Jay. "Hopefully I'll see you there."
I nodded, then saw my mother appear in the doorway.
"You ready?" she asked, smiling briefly at Jay.
"Yeah," I answered, pushing myself towards the door. It hurt like hell.
"See you around, Ryan," Jay called after me.
"Sure thing," I said over my shoulder, before pushing on down the corridor.

It annoyed me immensely that the minute I got to the end of the corridor, Mum was trying to push the chair. I tried to deter her, but she was adamant, and to be honest, I was exhausted.
It makes me feel so pathetic, to sit there, helpless, while my mother pushes me along like a baby in a pram. I feel defeated and demeaned. At almost 16, from being just a normal, healthy guy, I'm now a feeble cripple, resigned to being molly-coddled and fawned over like a newborn child. I hate it. I feel like a burden on mum. As a little kid, she's done everything for me, and now, sixteen years down the road, when she should be watching me build my own future, she's got to take care of me all over again.
The minute I got home, it hit me just how different things are going to be from now on. I had to be lifted up the doorstep, Dad muttering something about putting in a ramp, and then carried all the way up the staircase into my room. As soon as I got there, and managed to shoo mum out the door I lost it. All I can think of to take my anger out on are my legs. I hammered my legs with my clenched fists and raked the skin on my shins with my nails, ripping till I bled. But it doesn't hurt. Not one bit.
When I could do no more, I slumped exhausted in the wheelchair, having not achieved my aim. I want to punish my legs for failing me, for letting me down. But though I can look down and see the crimson blood trickling down my shins, and glimpse the faint impressions of bruises forming, I doesn't hurt. They haven't been punished at all, not really.
Twisting my wheelchair around, I came to face the small square mirror perched on my desk. I peered tentatively into it, then pulled back. I can't look. Blindly, I flung out my arm, and felt it connect with the glass, sweeping it across the desk and sending it crashing to the floor. As it hit, the glass shattered and splintered into a thousand pieces. I'm glad. Seven years bad luck isn't going to be any worse than this lifetime of misery I'm sentenced to. I just can't look in the mirror and see myself this way. But I also, can't bear to be reminded of what I once was. On the shelves beside my bed, are rows of framed photos, charting my life before. My first day at school, me as a page boy at my uncle's wedding, my first bike. It was all there, frozen in time. But I can't look at them. So I threw them all to the floor and smashed them. Every last one.

Chapter 3: Where Do We Go From Here?

It was strange waking up in my own bed this morning. At first, as I brushed the last traces of sleep from my eyes, I struggled to remember where I am, no longer cooped up in hospital, but home.
I managed, after some considerable flapping and heaving, to pull myself into a sitting position. Then, I realised. My chair was folded up, and leaning against the wall opposite my bed. How was I going to reach it? Twisting myself around, I somehow made it so that my legs were dangling, limp and lifeless, over the side of the bed. Maybe, I reasoned, I can lower myself down and then pull myself across the floor. Undignified, yes, but there was no one to see it, and it meant I wouldn't have to call for help. At least I might have a little bit of independence.
But I learnt the hard way, that my arms just aren't strong enough yet. As I pushed myself forward, I felt the edge of the bed reach the top of my thighs and then cried out, as my arms slipped and I toppled to the floor with a loud thud. I just lay there, in a crumpled, crippled heap, before mum came running in.

"Ryan!" she shrieked, as she saw me. "Ryan, what happened?"
I raised my head awkwardly.
"I tried to..." I croaked weakly.
Everything hurt. My arms ached and my head throbbed wildly. I heard the sound of footsteps padding across the landing and saw my father appear, looming in the doorway.
"What the hell is going on here?" he barked, his green eyes flashing angrily.
My mother was crouched down beside me.
"Just a little accident," she twittered anxiously. "But we're fine now."
My father scowled down at me.
"Doesn't look like it to me," he growled. "What on earth did you think you were doing you stupid boy?"
I groped about for an explanation, something to say, but the words escaped me.
"I....I..."
My father swooped down on me, like a hawk, as I floundered under his fierce gaze.
"Now you listen here, boy!" he roared, a vein in his neck pulsing madly, his face black as thunder. "I've been up half the bl0ody night fixing this house to make your easier. But if you're just going to pretend like nothing's happened and try to do things you know you can't, don't expect me to come to your blo0dy funeral!"
"Andrew, please!" sobbed my mother. "He didn't mean to..."
"Judy, stay out of this!" my father snapped, standing over us, like a tiger that knows it has its prey cornered. "He's practically sixteen years old, he's not a kid anymore. After everything those doctors have told him. After all you and I have told him. He just goes and takes no notice whatsoever!"
Tears prickled at the back of my eyes, and I fought desperately to keep them from falling. I knew, if he saw me cry, my father would seize upon it as a sign of even greater weakness.
"But Andrew!" my mother wailed, clinging to me.
"But nothing!" he sneered, then bent down low, his face so close to mine, I could feel his hot breath searing against my cheek. His eyes bored into me, staring me out cold, until the floodgates were flung open, and my father watched with satisfaction as I wept.
"Let this be a lesson to you, boy," he snarled, his voice a harsh, almost inaudible whisper. "You mess up one more time, and I will see to it that you don't have a home to come back to, if you ever leave that hospital again, that is. Understood?"
I gulped and gasped for air, but managed to nod my head, though it still spun.
"Good."
And with that, he marched out of the room, and stomped down the stairs. I heard the back door slam on his way out.
My mother was trembling all over, like a rabbit caught in the headlights. I tugged gently at the sleeve of her jumper.
"It's ok, Mum," I sniffed, brushing away the damp of my tears.
My mother nodded, still shaking and trying to rein in her emotions. David entered the room, on my father's instruction no doubt. Wordlessly, he and my mother lifted me from the floor and sat me back down on the bed.
"Stay there, sweetie," Mum told me. "I'll fetch you up some breakfast."
"Thank you," I said softly.
She smiled at me through the doorway, then bustled off to the kitchen. David just looked at me. He made to leave, but looked at me over his shoulder.
"You're lucky," he said slowly, his green eyes solemn. "That he didn't kill you."
I watched him go.
"Maybe," I said grimly. "Maybe I'll save him the trouble.

Killing yourself is something most people never really contemplate. They never even give it a second thought, until the stories flash up on the nine o'clock news of people jumping off cliffs or hanging themselves. I'd always found it sad to read in the newspapers of the girl bullied so badly, she chose to hang herself in her bedroom. Or the upper class businessman, so under pressure, that he threw himself off a bridge, in order to escape. But at the back of my mind, there has always been a sense of admiration, for their courage. I've always believed that to kill yourself, you either have to be incredibly desperate, or extremely brave, and sometimes, just very unlucky. I've heard tales of people laying on railway lines, waiting to die, then, at the last minute, changing their mind, only for it to be too late.
That outburst from my father has made me think. Wouldn't everyone, Mum, Baby, be better off without me? I've found myself almost wishing that I'd died that day in the fall, so that both they and I could have been spared this mess.
But maybe, I can spare them any more of this nightmare. If I kill myself, then I'll be free, and so will they. It makes sense. My father won't care, nor David. Baby will, but she's only little, she'll soon forget me when she grows up. Mum, well, Mum will be devastated, but she has Baby and David, two perfect, healthy children. She'll be ok.
The only thing I have to decided, is how do I do it? Well, let's put it this way. Jumping off anything is a no go. Hanging is a possibility, as is cutting myself.
I leant to my right, and opened the draw in my little bedside table. Reaching in, my fingers closed around what I was looking for; a sharp pair of scissors.
Parting the blades, I raised the implement an inch or so, hovering above my left wrist. My hand trembled, and I lowered the point towards my smooth, pale skin. And then I knew. I knew I couldn't do it. Though I wanted, or thought I wanted to end everything, as I tried to bring the blade down to slash the vein, every cell in my body screamed at me to stop. Try as I might, I couldn't force my muscles to move. My hand wavered, then jerked, as in anger, I hurled the scissors across the room. The point of one blade embedded itself in the chest of drawers, then clattered to the floor. Then Mum returned, carrying a tray laden with a steaming hot cup of tea and some toast.

"Here you are, sweetheart," she said tenderly, placing the tray down on the bedside table. "How are you feeling now?"
I looked up into her deep grey eyes. How could I even have thought about leaving her?
"Fine, Mum," I replied. "Just fine."
She beamed back at me.
"Fine enough for a visitor this afternoon?"
I raised an eyebrow. Who would want to visit me? After all, I'm not the most popular guy in school, not by a long shot.
"Who?" I asked, curious.
Mum sat down on the end of the bed.
"Well, you know the nurse that's going to visit every now and again, just to talk things over and see how you are in between hospital appointments?"
I nodded.
"Yeah, Alison Sanderson, isn't it?" I added.
"Yes. She's coming over this afternoon," Mum continued. "But you met her son at the hospital, you remember?"
I thought for a moment.
"You mean Jason, the guy with the broken leg?"
"That's the one. He wanted to come with her to see you."
"Cool."
Mum got up smiling.
"I'm glad," she said. "It'll do you good."
Sorrel wandered in, and tugged at my mother's skirt.
"Hey, Baby!" I said happily.
Sorrel, or Baby as we call her, reached up on her tip toes and gave me a cuddle. She looked so sweet, in her little denim dress with its big pink butterfly.
"Ryee do my hair instead, Mommy?" she asked, wide-eyed.
Mum chuckled and looked at me.
"Be my guest!" she laughed. "I'll be downstairs if you need anything."
Sorrel presented me with her pink Barbie hairbrush and a blue hair scrunchie. She hopped up onto the bed and sat on my lap. Gently, I ran the brush through the soft tangle of her hair, until it hung smooth, almost to her elbows. I took the band from her, pulling her golden locks back into a ponytail and tying it loosly.
Sorrel turned to sit facing me, her young face a picture of innocence.
"Thank you, Ryee!" she said, then put her tiny fingers to my own hair, matted and tangled brown.
"Me do yours now?" she asked expectantly.
I laughed.
"Go on then!"

Those few precious moments with her confirmed my decision. I can't leave her and I can't leave Mum, however much I hate the way things are. I've got to learn to live again. I'm going to. Starting from today.

Sorrel stood on the bed, ridding the last of the knots from my hair.
"All done!" she proclaimed, pleased with herself. "All pretty."
She kissed me on the cheek.
"Ryee?" she said, putting her slender arms around my neck.
"Yeah?"
"Love you."
I turned my head to look at her, this tiny little creature, with the most beautiful heart and the smile of an angel. I kissed her forehead gently.
"Baby?" I said.
"Yeah."
"Love you, too."

Chapter 4: What's In A Name?

"Come in, come in," I heard Mum say at the door. "This way."
I listened to the murmur of voices, sound of footsteps and the easily recognisable noise of Jay's crutches. Then, I watched, as one by one four people, followed by my mother, entered the living room. I knew Jay of course, he eased himself onto the sofa beside where I'd positioned my wheelchair. Alison Sanderson, sat next to my mother. Jay was just like her, with the same smiling hazel eyes, and dark brown hair, well, if Jay's wasn't dyed that is.
Two younger children, a boy and a girl, placed themselves next to Jay on the three-piece. The boy, about thirteen or so, had his hair dyed the same shade of blonde as Jay's, but he was of paler skin, his features more pointed and elfin, and his eyes blue. The girl was similar in appearance, the same age as Baby, I guessed, with curly shoulder-length mousy brown hair.
"You already know Jay," said Alison, indicating her eldest son. "And these are two of my other children."
She smiled proudly.
"This is Devon," she nodded to the boy, who rolled his eyes at the sound of his name. "And the little girl is Katherine, Katie for short. My other daughter, Rinna's out with my husband."
My mother went out to the kitchen and returned with a tray of drinks and a plate of biscuits. Sorrel followed at her heel and happily plopped herself down at my feet, gazing up and the three new in children in wonder. Alison picked up a mug of coffee and took a sip.
"So how are you doing, Ryan?" she asked kindly.
I shrugged.
"Ok, I guess," I mumbled. "As can be expected."
"We're managing," my mother swept in breezily. "The physio's going great."
"Ryee gonna get all better!" Sorrel said loudly, standing up and taking a hold of my hand. "Aren't you, Ryee?"
I felt my cheeks glow scarlet, and saw Devon stifle a laugh. Even Jay was trying not to grin.
"Well on that subject," Alison said, distracting from my embarrassment. "I have something that may well help. Some 'extra' physiotherapy if you like."
I looked at her, curious, but also grateful for her change of subject. I couldn't blame Baby, she doesn't know any different.
"Yeah?"
Alison reached into her large leather handbag and pulled out a leaflet. She walked over and deposited it in my lap. On the front, in large black type, were the words: 'Riding for the Disabled."

It took every last ounce of composure and control I possess not to throw it straight back in her face and storm out of the room. God knows how, by somehow, I managed to keep my cool. Besides, I haven't mastered the art of pushing the chair at speed, so my wheelchair version of 'storming out' would be more like a 'trundle out.' Doesn't quite have the same effect does it?
It was the word 'disabled' that hit me like a tonne of bricks. That one word cut like an icy knife. It made me realise. I'm no longer a normal guy, I come under a different label now. Disabled, handicapped, or however you want to put it, that's who I am to the rest of the world now. I may as well not have a name anymore, to everyone else I'll just be that poor guy in the wheelchair. The disabled kid.

I looked at Alison.
"Are you winding me up or something?" I asked pointedly. "Horse riding?"
Alison shook her head.
"I'm 100% dead serious young man," she answered solemnly.
I rolled my eyes.
"Forgive me for my ignorance," I said, the sarcasm heavy in my voice. "But if I can't walk, or even feel my legs, how the blo0dy hell am I going to ride a horse, let along get on one?"
My mother fixed me with a warning glare, but said nothing. I turned to Jay.
"Hear her out," he said, no trace of ridicule in his face. "She knows what she's talking about."
Alison beamed at him. This was obviously her favourite child, even if she would not admit it to herself.
"There's a group nearby," she explained. "They have specialised equipment, and plenty of willing helpers. Not to mention a very good instructor."
I listened reluctantly, still thoroughly unconvinced.
"I got the name and number of the place for you," Alison continued. "You don't have to do it if you really don't want to. But if you just go along once, even just to watch, I think it would help you."
Mum looked at me.
"Well, Ryan?" she asked. "What do you say?"
I was very aware that everyone's eyes were upon me, waiting for my answer. My own eyes met my mother's and I knew what I was going to say. I'd do anything for her.
"Ok," I said eventually. "I'll go and see what it's like."
Mum's eyes shone happily. Baby tugged at my sleeve.
"Ryee gonna go be a cowboy?" she asked excitedly.
I laughed at her.
"Maybe!" I said. "Do I get to wear a stetson, then?" I asked Alison.
She laughed heartily, shaking her shiny brown mane of hair.
"'Fraid not, Sheriff!" she giggled. "You just get a rather nifty black crash helmet."
"They really are quite tasty," Jay added. "And if you're really good, they might give you a pretty coloured cap to go on the top!"
It felt good to laugh. It made the whole idea, which quite frankly scared the hell out of me, seem that little bit less daunting.
"The instructor's name, address and phone number are on the back of the leaflet. They're highly recommended."
I turned the paper over to see Alison's neat handwriting.
"Leo deSilva, True Colours Equestrian Centre," I read.
"That's him," Alison said. "The group runs on a Wednesday afternoon and on a Thursday evening. So if you phone up, you can find out when they can fit you in."
I nodded. Mum collected up the empty cups and stood them back on the tray.
"It's a gorgeous day, kids," she said. "Why don't you all go outside?"
"Sure," I said, pulling on my gloves. "Come on, Sorrel."
Pushing the wheels of the chair, I concentrated on building up a rhythm. Sorrel tottered alongside me, Devon and Katie behind, followed by Jay.
Mum was right. The sun beat down upon us as soon as we left the cool of the house. I felt a bead of sweat trickle down my forehead, a result of both the heat, and the effort of pushing.
Katie and Sorrel ran ahead, dashing, giggling and squealing up the garden path. Jay drew up beside me, and I could see that he too was struggling. It made me feel a bit better.
"I vote we stop here!" he said, out of breath.
"Seconded," I replied, peeling my gloves off my sweaty hands.
Jay eased himself down to sit, plastered leg extended, on the grass. Devon sat beside him.
"Can you believe her?" he asked. "She knows I hate my name!"
Jay regarded his little brother.
"'Cos Jason is so much better," he drawled sarcastically. "Not!"
"So what should I call you?" I asked the younger sibling.
"Ved," he replied.
"I tried calling him Dev, short for Devon," Jay explained, seeing my puzzled expression. "But he didn't like that either. So, for reasons best known to himself, he switched it backwards to Ved."
"I just thought it sounded cooler," Ved told me. "It's all I answer to now."
Jay smirked.
"Except of course, with regards to our dear mother. In which case, you are, and will always be, her darling little Devon Craig." He said the name in a mocking womanly voice.
Ved scowled at him.
"You're one to talk, Jason James," he shot back.
"Okay, okay!" Jay held up his hands. "You got me!"
Ved turned to me.
"So," he said, the hint of a smiling twitching the corners of his mouth. "Is Ryee your official nickname, or do you have a better one?"
"Ved!" Jay reprimanded sternly.
"What?" his little brother asked indignantly.
"It's ok," I intervened. "Ryee, is what my little sister has called me since she was one year old. Just her, nobody else. Now if you have a problem with that, you'd best take it up with her."
I folded my arms and watched him. He looked down uncomfortably at the floor, avoiding my eyes.
"Look, sorry man," he muttered apologetically. "It was just a joke."
I continued to fix him with my gaze, then relaxed and laughed.
"Apology accepted," I said.
Jay winked at me.
"But you do have a point," I added. "I think I do need an official nickname."
The elder of the brothers grinned impishly.
"Well, I don't know, mate!" he said. "Ryee is gonna be a tough act to follow!"
I shook my head, laughing out loud.
"You guys got any ideas?"
"Um....Nayr?" Ved ventured.
Jay screwed up nose.
"What!" he spluttered. "That's not a name!"
Ved looked sheepishly at me, shrugging his shoulders.
"It's Ryan, spelled backwards," he said. "Why, you got any better suggestions, brother?"
Jay ran a hand through his short crop of bleached blonde hair, thinking. He looked at me.
"What's you full name?" he asked.
"Ryan Andrew Masters," I answered. "Why?"
Jay nodded to himself, a twinkle of an idea dancing in his hazel eyes.
"Then that," he continued slowly. "Would make your initials....."
"R...A..M.....Ram," I finished for him. "Interesting."
"What do you think?"
"It's....different," I began. "But," I thought for a moment. "I quite like it."
Ved piped up.
"You can take it two ways as well," he commented. "There's the obvious, you know, big curly-horned sheep thing....or.."
"The computer thing," I interrupted. "RAM. Random access memory."
Jay groaned loudly.
"Not another computer boffin!" he sighed. "Living with him is bad enough!" he indicated his little brother.
"Just because you don't have the capacity to understand the high tech stuff!" Ved pouted, then focused his attention on me. "What you into then?"
"Programming mostly," I replied. "But," I grinned. "I like to indulge in the odd hacking session, too."
"Who doesn't?"

This afternoon is the best I've had since the accident. Ved and I talked computers for ages, and Jay joined in too. Turns out he's into games as well, just not all the programming behind them.
It feels so good to be accepted, despite my disability. But then, Jay and Ved never knew the whole person I was before. What's going to happen when it's time for me to go back to school, when I have to face the stares, the taunts, the comments? I'm dreading it. It makes me feel sick just thinking about it.
I'm still really worried about this horse riding idea. I don't see how I can ride a horse if I can't use my legs? Do horses respond to telepathy? Will I just end up humiliated, or hurting myself even worse?
But I made a promise to myself that I'm going to learn to live my life to the full. It doesn't do to dwell on what might haven been. I can't turn back the clock, I just have to accept the hand I've been dealt, however much it hurts inside. And now, I have new friends and a new name with which to face the world again. Perhaps things aren't going to be so bad after all. Ryan, he wanted to die and leave this all behind. But Ram, he wants to live.

Chapter 5: When I Close My Eyes, It's You I See

Today's the day. Everything is booked, arranged and organised, but my stomach is churning at the thought of it. I'm going to the riding group thing this afternoon, and I have a severe case of stage fright. I just know my legs are going to let me down again. How can I ever hope to be able to ride a horse? My wheelchair has sentenced me to a lifetime of sitting and watching the rest of the world go by. What have I let myself in for?

We pulled into the stables' car park at four o'clock, even though I wasn't booked in until half past. The guy Mum had spoken to on the phone had said we were welcome to come early and watch for a bit. I waited in the passenger seat as Mum unfolded the wheelchair and helped me into it. In front of us was a wooden gate, a large sign nailed onto it. It read, 'True Colours Equestrian Centre - Freedom."
"Ready honey?" Mum asked, slipping her handbag over her shoulder.
"As I'll ever be," I replied, taking a deep breath. "Let's go."
Mum ended up pushing the chair. The rough, uneven ground surface made my arms ache after only a few minutes. I just sat and enjoyed the rest, having a good look around the place. There weren't many people about, which I was silently thankful for, but row after row of neat stables, each with a different equine head peering intently over the door.
A man in his 40s saw us and walked over, a friendly smile on his face.
"Mrs Masters?" he said, offering her his hand.
My mother shook it.
"Mr deSilva I presume?" she said. "We spoke on the phone."
"Indeed," he replied, looking down at me. "And you must be Ryan."
"Guilty as charged," I answered, shaking his hand too.
Mr deSilva was a tall man of about six feet, with broad shoulders and a round, happy face. He had dark brown eyes that twinkled merrily and short, slightly greying, chocolate brown hair. I liked him straight away.
"A sense of humour!" he chuckled. "We like that around here."
I relaxed the tense muscles of my face to smile. Perhaps this might turn out ok after all. With him to teach me, I wouldn't feel quite so embarrassed or nervous.
"I thought we were going to be able to watch you teach before Ryan's lesson?" Mum asked.
Mr deSilva nodded.
"You'll get to watch the lesson before yours, yes," he said, a hint of mystery in his eyes. I was puzzled.
"Then how comes you're...?"
"I'm not the instructor," he cut me short.
Mum furrowed her brow, pulling out the leaflet Alison had given me.
"But you are Leo deSilva, are you not?" she said, reading the name.
The kind man shook his head.
"Come with me."
Both as confused as one another, Mum pushed be after Mr deSilva, down one of the yards of stables, along a path, to a fenced of area. The fencing enclosed an outdoor riding arena, the ground covered in a layer of soft golden sand.
In the centre of the arena, was a tiny black pony, a Shetland with a long, unruly, curly mane and tail. A boy of my age held the pony on the end of a lead rope.
Mr deSilva turned to my mother and I.
"Allow me to explain, and introduce myself properly," he said. "My name is Joseph deSilva and I am the owner of True Colours."
As I listened, my eyes were drawn to movement by the fence opposite us. A woman in her late twenties was passing a tiny child to someone on the inside of the sand arena. The little girl was wearing a riding hat. I turned back to Joseph, who smiled at me knowingly.
"And that," he continued, indicating the figure now holding the small child. "Is the instructor."
My eyes moved back to look again. There was no doubt about it.
"But!" I said in confused protest. "That's a girl!"
"Ten points for your observation, sonny," Joseph said, then waved at the girl. "Over here, sweetheart!"
The girl jiggled the tiny tot around to give her a piggy-back and skipped across the sand to our side of the fence.
"You called, Dad?" she said, her passenger giggling loudly.
"This is Ryan," he said, placing a strong hand on my shoulder. "Your new rider."
The girl offered me her hand, more delicate than her father's.
"Nice to meet you, Ryan," she greeted me warmly. "I'm your instructor, Leonora deSilva, but you can call me Leo."
So that was where the mistake came from! She pronounced her full name, lay-oh-nora, shortening it to lay-oh, but of course, still spelling it the masculine way.
I shook her hand, not knowing how to reply, not able to reply. I couldn't take my eyes off her.
Leo deSilva had the same deep honey-golden tan as her father. Her eyes were large and hazel brown, flecks of gold dancing in them, fringed with long dark lashes. Her hair was pulled back of her face in a loose, messy bun, black as ebony, with a glossy sheen. And as she looked at me, her smile lit up her beautiful face, and melted my heart.

Do you believe in love at first sight? I know I certainly didn't, not until that moment at least.
I'll never forget the way she looked at me. I've become used to seeing people look sorry for me, pitying me, and I hate it with a passion. I don't want their sympathy, not anymore, not ever. All I want is for people to treat me like a normal human being. I want them to forget the wheelchair and focus on me as a person. As someone who counts. And that's just what she did.
Unlike most, her gorgeous eyes never once flitted to stare or even peep at the chair, or my legs. Those enchanting hazel orbs sparkled happily, genuinely pleased to meet me. There was no front with Leo. She was open and honest. And from that moment on, I know I want, love her, more than anything.

Leo broke the silence
"Meet Casey!" she said cheerily, raising her eyes to the child bouncing and wriggling on her back. "I think," she continued. "We'd better get her on Harry, before my back gives in!"
She laughed, her perfect smile flashing her teeth.
"See you in a bit, Ryan," she added, before she swung little Casey down from her back and carried her over to the waiting pony.
For a few minutes, as Casey sat on Harry, gurgling and clapping, Leo and the boy adjusted various straps on the pony's saddle.
"All set, Casey?" Leo asked the tot.
Casey clapped some more.
"I suppose that's a yes, then," the guy smiled, giving a light pull on the lead rope. "Giddy-up, Harry."
I watched, totally absorbed, as pony, rider, leader and teacher circled the arena. The little girl was so tiny, her feet didn't even reach past the saddle flaps. Casey laughed, smiled and clapped all the while, happy as anything.
"She's so sweet!" cooed Mum.
Joseph smiled, but it was tinged with sadness.
"How old would you say she is?" he asked me softly.
I looked at the girl for a moment.
"Three. Maybe four at most," I answered. "Why?"
"She's eight."
"You're kidding?" I gasped, astounded. Casey was barely half as tall as Baby, yet two years older.
Mr deSilva shook his head sadly.
"The condition she has affects development," he explained. "It's severely stunted her growth, and means she barely speaks. Just the odd word here and there."

Hearing Casey's story makes me feel extremely humble, and also, guilty. Here is a tiny child, who has never known life without handicap, without struggle. Never been a normal little girl, and yet, she can still smile, and laugh, and love the life she has been given with all her heart. And then there's me, who's had fifteen years of near perfect health, every chance of a good life that Casey has never had, but then, now that it's been taken away from me, all I can do is feel sorry for myself. At that moment, I would have done anything to give Casey fifteen healthy years. She's a true inspiration, and seeing her has made me all the more determined to enjoy my time on this earth. After all, you never know what lies ahead.

"Shall we have a little trot, Casey?" Leo asked.
Casey reached out to her, and wrapped her arms around Leo's neck. Leo tickled her gently. The little one squealed with delight.
"Hold on then," Leo said firmly, placing the rider's tiny hands around the handle at the front of the pony's saddle.
Leo nodded to the boy leading.
"Let's go, babe," she said. "Trot on, Harry!"
The black Shetland responded to her voice and began trotting around the arena, the boy leading encouraging him too. The dark-maned deSilva girl held onto Casey, keeping her balanced in the saddle, whilst the little child whooped excitedly. After a full circuit of the arena, Leo called out.
"Whoa Harry!"
The pony slowed back to a walk. Leo sighed.
"Time to get off, kiddo," she said sadly.
The boy led Harry into the middle of the arena and brought him to a halt. Leo lifted Casey off with ease and set her down on the sand. The eight year old toddled unsteadily up to the pony's face, holding tightly to Leo's hand to keep herself upright.
"Give Harry a pat!" Casey's mum called from the fence.
The sweet little girl put her teeny hand to the pony's soft, velvety nose and giggled as he sniffed her face and brushed her cheek with his whiskers.
Leo walked Casey slowly over to the fence, where she was swept up into her waiting mother's loving arms.
"Say thank you to Leo," Casey's mum told her daughter.
Casey looked at Leo adoringly, playing with a loose strand of her raven tresses.
"Thank e t eeo," she gurgled.
"Your welcome, angel," the girl replied. "See you next week."
When Casey and her mum had gone, Leo came back over to us. The boy brought the pony over too, which Leo kissed on the nose.
"What would I do without you, Harry Hairylegs?" she sighed. "My first pony," she added proudly. "Now the grand old age of 37."
I reached out my hand to stroke the pony's nose.
"What you waiting for then, buddy?" the boy asked me. He and Leo were obviously related. "Hop on."
His face was deadly serious as his brown eyes looked over the rims of his black-framed glasses at me. He was of the same natural skin tone as both Leo and her dad, and had black hair, though extremely short, almost all shaved off.
"Pardon?" I said, looking to the others.
"You came to ride didn't you?" he asked me.
"Yes, but..."
"Well here's a pony," the boy continued. "So you'd better get riding!"
Leo came to my rescue, reaching round and cuffing the guy on the shoulder.
"Ignore my cousin," she laughed, shaking her head at him. "He's Morgan by the way. Morgan Prince, or Mega, as he likes to be called. I've got someone sorting out something a bit bigger than Harry for you to ride."
I sighed with relief.
"No hard feelings, man?" asked Mega. "Just joking with you."
"None at all."
Leo turned to the gate, as another girl appeared, leading a medium-sized chestnut coloured pony. Leo took the reins from her.
"Thanks Maria," she said appreciatively. "You wouldn't mind putting Harry away would you?"
"Not at all," the black-skinned girl answered breezily, taking the pony from Mega. "Come on you little black shagpile-carpet-on-legs," she said to Harry, her brown eyes smiling. She looked at me. "Have a good ride."
"Can you get the mounting block and ramp out please, Mega?" asked Leo, tightening the pony's girth.
Mega obliged willingly. Leo put the reins over the pony's head, and fastened a strap with a handle attached to it around the animal's neck.
"This, to give him his full name, is True Colours Caramelo," she announced grandly, arranging his forelock neatly between his elegantly pointed ears. "Cara, or Melly, to his friends."
"Caramelo?" I repeated, trying to say it in the same accent.
"It's Spanish for 'sweet,'" she told me. "So naturally, this pony is the spawn of Satan!"
I laughed nervously, but she seemed to sense my apprehension.
"But seriously," she continued, her hazel eyes soft. "He's as good as gold, so stop worrying."
I nodded.
"Try this on for size," Joseph said from behind me, lowering a crash hat onto my head. "Not too tight is it?"
I shook my head.
"Cat got your tongue, babe?" Leo asked, sticking her own out at me. "Breath Ryan!" she said kindly. "You're going to be fine. I promise."

I wanted to believe her, with all my heart, but my stomach was still insisting on tying itself in knots. I was so close to making an excuse to go, but something in her words made me stay. I trust her, and I want her to help me. I've never met anybody quite like Leonora deSilva before. If I leave now, she'll be out of my life. I want to learn to be happy, to live, despite my disability, just like Casey does, and I think, that this girl, this beautiful angel, is the key.

Chapter 6: Everywhere To Me

"So, are we going to do this, Ryan?"

We. When I heard that word leave her lips, I felt a surge of relief and gratitude. From then on, I knew for sure that I'm not alone in my fight to live my life. After the accident, it feels like being in a wheelchair has built some invisible barrier between myself and the rest of the world, even between myself and my own family. That I'm invisible, even. All that time I was in hospital, and the short time I've spent out of there, I've been waiting, longing, praying, for the day when someone would come to help me tear that barrier down, or lift me over it. I thought it would never happen. But then, I met her and she is going to help me. Leonora deSilva is on my side, right beside me, to see that I have a future. Together, we're going to bring that barrier down brick by brick, and set me free.

I looked up at Leo from underneath the grey, crash helmet style riding hat.
"Yes," I said firmly. "I'm ready."
Leo grinned widely.
"Then you'd better come in," she said, swinging the gate open.
With renewed determination, I pushed the wheels of my chair forcefully, driving myself purposefully through the gate into the arena. As the tyres touched the sand, I suddenly found the wheels stiff, making pushing incredibly difficult.
"Need a hand?" asked Joseph kindly, appearing beside me. "Don't want to be so tired you fall of the horse, now, do you?"
I smiled up at the thoughtful man.
"I'd really appreciate you help," I said truthfully, not just being polite. "Thank you."
As her father pushed me in, Leo was leading the chestnut pony towards a large platform, with a ramp leading up to it. Mega had set it all up. Leo brought the pony as close as possible to the platform and had him stand there, quiet and still.
I could feel my heart pounding as Mr deSilva guided the chair up the ramp so I was right next to Caramelo, facing the saddle. Leo gave me a thumbs up sign. Joseph and Mega stood either side of me.
"Ok then, Ryan," Joseph said confidently. "This is how it's going to work. First, I'm going to put your left foot into the stirrup."
He took hold of the metal foothold to show me. It hung barely a few inches above the platform.
"Mega and I will lift you up, taking your weight. Then, Mega is going to slide your right leg over the pony's back and I'll lower you into the saddle. I won't let go. You'll be just fine, ok?"
I nodded, though I was still terrified. But I couldn't back out, not now.
"Here we go then," Joseph said.
Leo's father picked up my left foot, stretching it forward, placing it into the stirrup. It was weird. It seemed as if my foot belonged to someone else. I felt Joseph and Mega each take one of my arms, draping them across their shoulders and bracing themselves, before lifting me clear of the chair.
I watched, as Mega twisted to pick up my trailing right leg and bend it to swing over the pony's broad back. Joseph was true to his word, he held me tight, waiting for Mega's signal.
"Ok, ready," his nephew called.
At this, Joseph lowered my upper body slowly down. Mega had jumped off the platform to guide my right foot into the other stirrup. I saw my legs bend at the knees as I touched down into the saddle, though I could not feel the muscles at work. I looked up, to see Leo, at the pony's head, beaming at me, the golden flecks in dancing and sparkling in her bright eyes.
"There you are, Ryan," she said simply.
Mega and his uncle adjusted the stirrups to the correct length for my legs.
"How does it feel?" Leo asked softly.
"Weird," I gulped, still nervous. "Very weird."
The beautiful girl moved to Cara's shoulder, then reached up and took a hold of my right hand, which until then, had been clinging to the front of the saddle. The warmth of her touch sent shivers down my spine, as she squeezed my hand reassuringly.
"You've done so well to get this far," Leo told me sincerely. "Now listen to me. We're going to start of slowly, just a few steps. Mega's going to lead Cara and Dad and I will be right beside you. You ready?"
"Ready," I answered, swallowing my fear.
Leo placed my hand back on the front of the saddle, then walked around to the right of me. Mega clicked a lead rope onto Cara's bridle.
"Here we go."
Cara stepped forward slowly. As his legs reached across the sand, I could feel his powerful muscles shift me about in the saddle, with a smooth, rhythmic, rocking motion.
"Just try to relax and go with him," Joseph advised.
I nodded, concentrating hard.
Mum watched from the fence. As we passed her, I smiled. There were happy tears glistening in her grey-blue eyes. Tentatively, I raised a hand to give her a wave, then grabbed hard at the saddle as I felt myself slip suddenly sideways. Cara stopped.
"It's ok, Ryan," soothed Leo, she and her father shifting me back into position. "Walk on Cara."
We made slow, but steady progress around the arena, Cara's hooves stirring up the sand, as I got used to the movement.
Leo looked up at me, the golden dust of the sand sticking to her skin and the faded denim of her jeans. She wore a simple strappy vest top, the straps knotted on top of her shoulders, of a bright turquoise-blue colour.
"You're still not relaxed, you know," she said with a cheeky grin.
"How do you know I'm not?" I replied defensively.
Leo nodded towards my hands.
"Look at those," she said. "Last time I check this wasn't a white-knuckle ride!"
She was right. My knuckles stood out, pale and drawn from clutching at the saddle.
"So how do I relax?" I asked.
"Breathe!" she exclaimed.
I let out a deep breath.
"Or," Leo continued, a glint in her eyes. "You could always join me in a little sing-song?"
I rolled my eyes at her.
"I don't think so!" I said firmly. "I'd scare the horse!"
Leo pouted, pulling a sad, puppy-dog eyed face.
"Fine!" she said, tossing her head haughtily. "I'll just have to sing all on my own!"
She thought carefully for a moment, and then opened her mouth to sing.
"When you're down, and troubled, and you need a helping hand, and nothing, whoa, nothing, is going right..."
I smiled. I knew the song well. It was a favourite of Mum's.
"Close your eyes, and think of me," Leo sang on, in her gorgeous, rich voice. I'd never heard anyone sing the way she could before. "Oh and soon I will be there, to brighten up, even, your darkest night...."
With a laugh and a shake of my head, I looked down at her, and joined in with the chorus, my voice much deeper than hers, and not quite as tuneful.
"You just call, out my name, and you know, wherever I am, I'll come running, yeah, to see you again," we sang in unison. "Don't you know that, winter, spring, summer or fall, all you got to do is call, and I'll be there, yes I will. You've got a friend."
We were both grinning from ear to ear and I glanced down at my hands. They weren't even holding on, just resting gently on the pony's silky neck. Leo winked at me.
"What did I tell you?" she giggled.
Joseph spoke up from the other side of me.
"It's five o'clock kids," he said, looking at his watch. "End of lesson."
The time had flown by. I heard Leo's silky smooth voice speak to me.
"You did it Ryan," she said.
I looked all around me.
"Yeah," I said, my voice surprised. "I guess I did."

By the time Joseph and Mega had returned me safely to my wheelchair, it had begun to sink in.
Today, for thirty whole minutes, I was free from my disabled wheelchair confinement and restriction. I rode a horse!
I know the main idea of these lessons is to exercise my muscles, to give me a greater level of strength and flexibility, but they're all going to give me the freedom I crave. When I get used to it, Leo can teach me to ride by myself, with no leaders, no one walking with me, just me and the horse, free to do whatever we want, go wherever we please. I can't wait.

Leo and her dad walked out to the car park with us. Joseph shook my hand again.
"You did great, Ryan," he praised warmly. "You should be very proud of yourself."
I was. I felt like I was on cloud nine.
Mum turned to Leo, her eyes misty, overcome by what she had witnessed.
"Thank you!" she gushed, running her hand down Leo's golden cheek. "For all you've done for Ryan today."
The deSilva girl smiled, then winked at me.
"No problem," she replied modestly. "You ain't seen nothing yet!"
She bobbed down to my level.
"You got any plans for tomorrow?" Leo asked.
Mum answered before I could.
"You're going back to school tomorrow," she reminded me, not that I needed it.
"Sure," Leo said. "I'll be at school too. But after that?"
I looked at Mum. Nothing.
"No, after school I'm not busy," I answered. "Why?"
"Well," Leo explained, leaning on the arm of my chair. "On a Thursday afternoon we like to take some of the horses out for a ride on the beach. I thought you might want to join us."
"Um, yeah," I gabbled awkwardly. "What time?"
"Meet us down there at about 4:30?" she said.
"Sounds cool," I replied. "See you then."
Mum helped me into the car. As we pulled away Leo and Joseph waved. I waved back, watching her until they were both out of sight.

What a day! Nothing could spoil the euphoric mood I was in when we got home. Not my father's distain, David's indifference, nor the restrictions of being back in the chair. Nothing, except the though of going to school tomorrow.
It's not that I don't have friends. I do. There's new ones, Jay and Ved for example. They'll have enrolled at school by tomorrow. And there's Reshef, and his girlfriend Efrat. Reshef and I now have something else in common, besides our love of technology, we both have disabilities. I'm paralysed and he's blind.
But it's not them I'm worried about, it's everyone else. The people who've never liked me, and those who will stare as I push myself down the corridors. I can't blend into the background anymore. I'll be a walking, sorry, rolling target for taunts and insults.
At least I have something to look forward to tomorrow. Leo. I don't know why I haven't noticed her at school, I've seen Mega around a few times. I guess I wasn't really looking.
If I close my eyes, I can still see her watching me, her infectious smile, her smooth skin and dazzling eyes. I can almost feel the gentle of her touch on my hand and hear the sweet sounds of her voice as she sang. You've got a friend. And I have, another one. But what I wouldn't give for her to be so much more than that, even for a moment. I'd give the stars and the moon, my all, to hold her in my arms and hear her whisper those three words...I love you.
As I sat here, thinking about her, I turned on the radio, and the song that floated across the room said it all.

'Because you're everywhere to me;
And when I close my eyes, it's you I see;
You're everything I know that makes me believe;
I'm not alone.'

And I'm not. Whatever the relationship is between Leo and I, as long as there is one, I'll never be alone. Not ever.

Chapter 7: Finding My Soul, There In Your Eyes

Going back to school was every last bit as demeaning and demoralising as I'd dreaded it to be. But I did learn who my true friends are, despite the short time I've known them. It was the others that made me feel like a freak. It's a cruel world out there, and if you're on wheels, like I am, everyone looks down at you. You're a prime target for their insults. Believe me, I know.

I'd just left maths. It was morning breaktime, 11 o'clock. I'd arranged to meet up with Jay and Ved by the main staircase, just along the corridor from my maths class. It was only a short distance, but as I pushed myself down the corridor, it felt like an eternity.
Heads turned, conversations dried up, people stopped in their tracks and stared, all because I'm in a wheelchair. All because I'm different from them. From the crowds, someone stepped out right in front of me. I ground to a halt, stopping the wheels from turning, and looked up at their face.
"Good to have you back, Ryan," the tall male said, his voice anything but friendly and sincere.
"Raphael," I said, recognising him instantly.
The guy towering in front of me, had I even been standing, was still far taller than me, and stocky, powerfully built. Imposing, with red hair, parted in the middle, and brown eyes, eyes that glared menacingly at me.
"Nice set of wheel you got their, pal," he said, smiling coldly.
I rolled my eyes at him, trying not to rise to the bait. My fighting days are well and truly over. There were girls tittering away in the background. So much for sympathy for the poor guy in a wheelchair.
"Mind if I take them for a quick spin?"
Before I knew what was happening, before I could even utter a reply, Raphael had grabbed the handles on the back of my chair and swung me around violently.
"Get off me!" I shouted, gripping the armrests tightly with one hand, flailing pitifully at Raphael with the other.
He just laughed. Everybody laughed.
"Not enjoying the ride, Ryan?" my tormentor cackled gleefully, whirling the chair round faster and faster.
"Stop it!" I screamed out, fighting for breath, struggling to prevent myself falling out of the chair.
The gathered kids just laughed even harder. No one even attempted to help me. Except.....
"Hey!" I heard a voice cry out.
I couldn't tell who it was. The corridors were spinning manically in my head. I felt sick.
"Get off him!" the voice roared defiantly.
Suddenly, the chair stopped spinning. I had my eyes closed, gulping down oxygen. The sweat was pouring down my forehead. Still dizzy, I opened my eyes.
"Looks like you have a knight in shinning armour, Ryan," Raphael teased. "But I didn't know they had girl knights!"
"Huh?"
I lifted my head groggily, confused and disorientated. I saw who had come to my rescue. It was Leo, with Mega right beside her. Raphael drew himself up to his full height, well over six feet, looking down at Leo.
"You got a problem, sweetheart?" he purred, his voice laced with mock concern.
Leo's eyes blazed furiously. She didn't flinch.
"Yeah," she spat angrily. "You're still breathing!"
Raphael folded his arms coolly, and laughed in her face.
"Leo," I croaked. "Leave it."
"No, Ryan," she insisted, shaking her head. "The guy's scum. He needs to be taught a lesson."
"And you think you can take me on, sugar?" Raphael laughed smugly. "I'd never hit a girl!"
Leo shrugged her shoulders.
"I'd like to say I'd never hit a guy, either," she said simply. "But that'd be a lie."
And with frightening force, she threw a punch at him, her fist connecting with his nose with a resounding crunch.
Suddenly, Jay on his crutches, accompanied by Ved, pushed their way though the crowd.
"Are you ok?" Jay asked concerned. He looked first at Leo, then to Raphael, who lay groaning on the floor, then back at Leo.
"What?" she asked innocently. "He deserved it."
"Let's just go shall we?" I said. "Please?"
Jay lead the way, Ved pushing my chair. I was two exhausted to even attempt to do it myself. Mega stepped over Raphael.
"What if he rats on you?" Mega asked his cousin.
Leo rolled her eyes and shook her head.
"I don't think you'll be telling anyone," she said, speaking down to Raphael. "You don't want any more people to know you got your @ss kicked by a girl, do you?"

I was thankful for their help. All of them. Ved and Jay, for making sure I was alright, and calming the situation down. And to Leo, for taking Raphael down a peg or 6. I'd not seen that side of her before. She's kind, and sweet and beautiful, but there's one hell of a lot of fire and spirit in her heart.
A part of me wished that I'd been able to defend myself, to not have had to rely on others for once. But, I swallowed my pride and thanked them. My friends, for being there when I needed them. After all, that's what friends are for, isn't it?

The rest of the morning passed quietly, without incident, though people still gawped and stared as I passed. Lunchtime came, and so Jay, Ved, Mega, Leo and myself went out and sat in the glorious sunshine on the sports field.
"Ryan," Leo said, sitting on the soft grass to my right. "That guy this morning.."
"Raphael," I said, looking down at her from the chair, her black hair in one long braid to her waist, shinning in the light. "What about him?"
"Why he do it?" she asked, rummaging in her denim shoulder-bag for her lunch. "He really had it in for you."
I sighed, the sun's rays hot on my back.
"He's never liked me," I told them. "Every since we were in nursery school together. We'd always be the ones fighting."
"Who started it though?" Jay asked, rolling the sleeves of his crisp white t-shirt up to his shoulders. "Did he pick on you, or was it the other way around?"
I took my sandwiches out of the rucksack I'd hung on the back of my wheelchair, unfolding the tinfoil.
"I used to wind him up a lot," I admitted. "But as we got older, I stopped."
"But he still held a grudge against you?" Mega guessed.
"Yeah," I replied. "He's never forgiven me for it."
Leo took a bite out of her cheese roll.
"We now he knows not to mess with you," she said firmly. "And especially not to mess with me!"
Ved laughed, leaning back on his arms.
"I should think not!" he exclaimed. "Where'd you learn that right hook?"
Leo shrugged her shoulders, looking as beautiful as ever, in a smarter pair of dark denim flared jeans, with a ripped waistband, and a purple vest top.
"Just comes naturally," she said with a wry smile.
"Remind me never to upset you!" Jay added. "I like my nose the way it is!"
I heard footsteps from behind us. I looked over my shoulder, to see my good friend, Reshef, walking towards us, his arm looped through that of his younger girlfriend, Efrat.
"Reshef," I said warmly. "Good to see you."
The dark-haired guy turned his head towards the sound of my voice.
"Good to hear you, Ryan," he replied, deadpan. His head turned a little. "Who else is here?"
"Some new friends of mine. Jay, and his little brother, Ved. Then there's Leo, she's a girl by the way," Leo let out a short laugh. "And her cousin, Mega."
Reshef nodded to himself, absorbing this new information.
"Four new voices to learn," he said softly.
Jay turned to Ved.
"Have you seen Rinna lately?" he asked.
Ved shook his head.
"Maybe we should go look for her," Jay said thoughtfully. "To see if she's ok?"
"If you say so," mumbled Ved, getting to his feet. "You stay here though, Hop-along," he told Jay. "I'll find her."
Jay nodded gratefully. Reshef, with a little direction from Efrat, sat down on my left.
"So how are you coping, Ryan," the sightless fifteen year old asked. "Honestly?"
"I'm managing," I replied. "It's been difficult, but things are beginning to fall into place. I stole a quick glance at Leo. "Anyway, you have it much worse."
"How do you figure that?" Reshef asked, a small smile forming on his lips.
"Because I know there are things I simply can't do, I physically can't. But you, your body can still do everything, anything you want it to, only, you can see to do it."
Reshef's scarred face was turned towards me.
"I see your point, Ryan," he said slowly. "But you can still see, and you have to watch everybody else doing the things you cannot. That must be torture."
Leo laid back on the grass, shielding her eyes from the sun with her hand.
"At least you're both still alive," she put in. "Isn't that the most important thing?"
"Amen to that!" Jay added.
I looked down at her, my eyes straying to the ornate necklace she wore, as it glinted in the sunshine.
"Yeah," I answered. "I guess you're right."
Leo sat up, and leant on the arm of my chair. Her eyes sparkled.
"I know I'm right, Ryan," she said confidently, a mischievous grin appearing on her face. "I always am!"

*************************************************

"Looking for someone?"
Ved turned around to the source of the voice. His eyes met those of a young girl, of roughly his own age.
"Er, yeah," he replied. "As a matter of fact, I am."
The girl stepped towards him, all enquiring green eyes, and long, vibrant red hair, pulled back into a loose ponytail. The shadows cast by the leaves of the tree they were standing under danced across her face as the branches stirred in the breeze.
"Can I help?" she asked.
"I'm looking for my sister," Ved told her. "About your height, dark hair to her shoulders, with gold streaks in it?"
The girl's face suddenly changed. From previously being open and friendly, to hardened, a fierce scowl.
"Her name wouldn't happen to be Rinna, would it?" she asked, visibly agitated.
"Yeah, that's her."
The girl rolled her eyes.
"Then," she said icily. "You'll find your sister over there, under that tree, with two girls every damn bit as b1tchy and heartless as she is!"
Ved twisted around. Sure enough, there was his older sister, dressed in a pair of black flares, and a pretty, baby blue corset, showing off her figure as usual. Ved looked back at the unhappy girl.
"Hey...er..."
"Megan," she filled in for him. "Megan Taylor."
"Right...Megan," Ved continued. "What's your big issue with my sister?"
Megan, arms folded defensively across the scarlet tube top she was wearing, combined with plain black trousers and a pair of chunky black and red boots, sneered. She seemed close to tears.
"Let's just say," she said, her voice pained. "That there are enough people here already who make fun of me, without her adding her name to the list."
Ved ran his hand through the scruffy bleach blonde of his hair.
"Look, I'm sorry about my sister," he said awkwardly. "Now I gotta go, but maybe, I'll see you around sometime?"
Megan shrugged her shoulders.
"Maybe," she replied quietly. "At least you'll know where to find me."
Ved raised an eyebrow.
"I will?"
The troubled girl was already walking away, but she paused, and looked the blonde straight in the eye.
"Just follow the laughter," she sighed. And then, she was gone.

******************************************************


".....And then Leo here, goes.... 'Well I'd hit a guy...' and then, smack!" Jay related animatedly to Reshef, illustrating his words, by slapping his fist into the palm of his hand.
Reshef chuckled dryly.
"I wish I could have seen that," he said sadly. "He's been asking for it for years now."
Efrat looked Leo over wide-eyed, her long curtain of dark brown hair draped across her back.
"You wouldn't believe it to look at you," she said to Leo.
"Oh?" the other girl asked.
"I agree," Jay said, backing up Efrat. "You're too sweet and pretty looking to seem like the man-beating type."
Leo blinked her hazel eyes and shuffled uncomfortably on the grass.
"Careful what you say, Blondie," she shot back at him. "Or you might be next on my list!"
For a moment, she almost sounded serious, but then, she winked at Jay, and collapsed in a fit of giggles. Jay looked towards the direction in which Ved had gone. No sign of him. But, someone else caught Jay's eye.
Walking across the sports field, was a girl.
Jay's hazel eyes scanned every inch of her. She had long, silky, chestnut brown hair, that framed her delicate face in soft waves. Her skin was creamy pale, unbronzed by the sun, and her figure elfin and slender.
She was dressed in a knee-length denim skirt, trimmed with an inch or so of white lace, and a simple blue shirt with short sleeves. The outfit would have been plain on most, but on her, it was simply stunning.
Suddenly, Jay was aware of something waving in front of his face. It was Leo's hand.
"Earth to Blondie!" the raven-haired girl called, that was her name for him from then on.
Jay shook his head, bringing his mind back to the group.
"Isabelle Addison," Mega said.
"Huh?"
Mega nodded over at the chestnut-maned girl Jay had been drooling over.
"That's her name, Isabelle Addison," Leo reiterated. "She has riding lessons at True Colours."
"And she's single," Mega added with afterthought. "In case you were wondering."

By the end of the day, I was beginning to feel more comfortable at being back in school. At least I had things to keep my brain occupied. Plus, there was something I'd never really had, or experienced. I was part of a group. Accepted, just the way I am. I don't need to put on a brave face with them, my friends. They understand me, and I, them. Things can only get better.

It was just after half past four. After a brief dispute with Mum, I'd finally persuaded her I could manage going down to the beach to meet Leo on my own.
The ocean breeze cooled the sweat on my skin as my arms propelled the chair along the footpath running alongside the sand dunes. I had seen no sigh on horses so far, maybe they were running late.
I let the wheels of the chair roll by themselves down the dirt track that sloped down, straight onto the golden sand.
Then, to my left, I caught a glimpse of them. There were four horses and riders in total. I waited for them to come closer.
In front, I recognised Mega, riding a fidgety piebald. The horse jogged on the spot, then plunged and put in a mischievous buck. Mega wrapped his leg around the animal's sides and drove it forwards, bringing it under control.
Behind him, came Maria, one of the stablegirls, riding Caramelo, the first horse I'd ridden. There was no bucking from him. He behaved impeccably. Alongside Maria, was Joseph deSilva, mounted on a powerful, muscular Quarter Horse, a striking golden palomino. He saw me and waved.
Mega drew his mare to a halt a few metres from me. Last but by no means least, the final rider had to be Leo. And it was.
Her horse, was the most magnificent animal I had ever seen. He was a stallion, standing at almost seventeen hands, with a coat of the purest white. An albino. Leo urged him on, and he responded, galloping along the water's edge, the frothy spray churned as his powerful hooves thundered across the sand. His mane and tail were long, and billowed in the breeze, his snow white mingling with the darkest ebony of Leo's hair, that streamed out behind her as they flew across the beach.
It was an awesome sight. Girl and horse, no saddle, just a bridle. It was as though there were one, united. The stallion's hooves pounded a steady beat on the sand, as the two, horse and rider, were joined in a hypnotic dance to a powerful rhythm that seemed to beat from inside them. The rhythm of life. I wanted to join their dance, that of life and freedom, but I knew in my heart, I couldn't. All I could do was watch.

Seeing Leo ride on the beach that afternoon was awesome, but it's also brought an aching in my heart. The physical power and speed of the union between horse and rider, seemed to make my disability, my weakness, all the more apparent. I want the freedom they have, and I can't help but think I'm kidding myself.
She's clever, beautiful, spirited and free, and what am I? I'm a prisoner in my own broken down body. How can I ever even dare to dream that she'd choose me? How could she ever love me? She deserves far, far better than I can ever give her, and that's all there is to it.

Chapter 8: Dying To Be Alive

'As I look back to those distant days;
I often stop and think;
Of how you changed my life in so many ways;
And brought me back from the brink.'

"Wow, look at you, Ryan. You're really doing it!"
A wide, triumphant grin spread across my face. She was right.

It's been almost a month since the day I first rode a horse, the day I met Leonora deSilva. Time has flown by, and life, in a wheelchair, has been better than I ever dreamed it could possibly be.
Our group's bond has grown visibly stronger, and everyone has their place. We all belong. Jay is without a doubt our leader, how could he not be? He's level-headed, intelligent, strong and knows how to handle things. But everybody has their own talents and strengths, even me. And it seems, we may be welcoming a few more faces to the fold, female faces, in the not too distant future.
Ved seems to have taken a girl called Megan under his wing, though quite how wise that is, for her, I'm not so sure! From what I gather, she's been badly bullied and doesn't trust easily. Perhaps we can protect her. And Jay, well, he's hoping that sometime soon, he'll get up the guts to ask out Isabelle Addison, and that she'll say yes. And me? Well, my friendship with Leo has gone from strength to strength. She understands me better than some members of my own family, my flesh and blood. I still love her, more than she will ever know, I'm sure, but I'm trying to tell myself not to expect more than friendship. I'd rather have her as my best friend, than not have her in my life at all.

Leo watched me proudly as I guided Caramelo through another circle and then followed on with a perfect three-loop serpentine.
"I'd better watch out!" she remarked, walking over to me across the sand. "You're a natural!"
Hearing her praise my efforts made them feel even more of a success. I felt confident astride my chestnut mount. By now, Caramelo had adjusted to my style of riding. I can't squeeze with my calves like an able-bodied rider would, I have to use a soft riding whip to give a gentle tap on the horse's neck, but mostly, he'll respond to my voice, as a signal to go forward. So far, Leo had concentrated on getting me walking by myself and turning the horse. Now, it seemed, she was ready to teach me something new.
"Think you're ready to move up a gear?" Leo asked, patting Caramelo's arched neck.
"You mean trot? I asked.
She nodded.
"If you think I'm ready," I replied. "Then let's do it."
Leo shook a few loose strands of black hair out of her eyes.
"Your wish my command, Master," she said with a grin.
I looked down at her.
"Don't you mean Masters?" I asked innocently, referring to my surname.
Leo stuck her tongue out at me.
"Let's get on with it, shall we?"
She took the reins from my hands and tied them in a loose knot, letting them rest on Caramelo's neck. I gave her a quizzical glance.
"Won't I be needing those?"
Leo shook her head.
"You just need to hold the front of the saddle," she explained. "I'll get Cara moving, you just concentrate on relaxing and getting used to the rhythm, ok?"
I nodded.
"Ready when you are, Batman!"
She laughed.
"Whatever you say, Catwoman!" she countered, putting her hand on my knee. I wished I could feel her touch. "Trot on!" she called to Cara.
The little chestnut horse obliged. Leo jogged alongside, keeping my left knee in position. The movement was bumpy, but I tried to do as Leo had said and relax. After half a circuit of the arena, Leo slowed Cara back to a walk.
"Great job, Ryan," Leo congratulated me.
"Definately!" called a familiar voice.
It was Jay, minus the plaster cast and crutches.
"Well look at you, Blondie!" Leo threw back at him.
Jay grinned widely, leaning on the wooden fence enclosing the arena. Along the path, came Ved, along with his two sisters, Rinna, and little Katie. Then I recognised Alison, and the familiar face of my mother, Sorrel holding her hand. No Dad, of course, he's away at the army base, but, just behind Mum, was David's athletic frame.
"Looks as if you have an audience," Leo remarked quietly. "So we'd better put on a good show."
"We?" I queried. "What do you mean?"
Leo winked conspiratorially at me.
"You'll see," she said mysteriously, turning to look at the small crowd gathered by the fence. "Go," she told me. "Show them your moves, in walk, ok? I'll be right back."

... 'I'd almost lost complete control;
All I wanted was to be free;
But then, an angel, touched my heart and soul;
Because, that day, you saved me.'

Obediently, I walked Cara sedately around the arena, circling, looping and spiraling, like I'd been doing it all my life. It was easy. I could see Mum smiling proudly from the fence. I felt myself glowing with pride as I drew Caramelo to a square halt right in front of my 'audience' and was greeted with a round of applause.
"Wow, baby," my mother murmured admiringly. "That was amazing."
"Ryee make good cowboy!" Sorrel proclaimed happily.
"He does indeed!" I heard Leo's rich voice, with its faint Spanish twang call from behind me.
I looked over my shoulder, to see her, mounted bareback on her albino stallion. She smiled.
"You ready to put on a real show?" she asked.
Joseph and Mega appeared alongside her, opening the gate. The albino's long strides soon reached us, and she drew him to a halt, right beside Cara and I, so close, the horses' flanks were almost touching.
"You ready?" Joseph asked me, standing on my left. I was confused.
"Ready for what?"
"You're going up there, of course," the stable owner said simply, pointing to the albino stallion's back.
"Are you serious?" I exclaimed, open-mouthed.
"Deadly serious," Leo said. "Haven't you ever wished you could fly, Ryan?"
"Doesn't everyone?"
The dark beauty smiled softly.
"I can teach you to fly. If you trust me."
I looked into her hazel eyes, gentle and honest, just like her.
"Of course I trust you," I said in a whisper.
"Then up you go, lad," Joseph said.
I was too lost in a pool of my own thoughts to pay much attention as I was somehow lifted and transferred to the broad back of Leo's stallion.
"Hold onto the reins," she whispered into my ear, sitting behind me.
I picked up the leather straps, and then felt Leo's hands placed on my waist, and her legs, behind my own, nudge the horse's sides.
"Breathe, Ryan," Leo said softly. "My boy, Thunderhead, will take care of you. I promise."
I breathed out heavily. I could feel the warmth of her breath on my neck, she was that close.
"What now?" I asked.
"It's time to fly."
Thunderhead, the albino, broke into a trot at Leo's aids. The movement was smoother than Cara's jogging step. Then, I felt Leo shift her weight, and draw her right leg back. At once, the stallion responded with a powerful, rocking canter.
It was incredible. The stallion's hooves cut through the sand, sending up golden clouds. As I relaxed, I found that my body was following the movement naturally. I was united with that mighty animal, just as Leo was.
"Hold out your arms," Leo said. "Go on!"
I let the reins drop onto the equine athlete's shoulders, and stretched out my arms wide, like wings. I gasped. I really was flying!
"Oh my God!" I gushed. "Leo!"
"How does it feel?"
I closed my eyes.
"Like heaven."

******************************************************

"Ryan was great today, wasn't he?" Alison Sanderson said admiringly, "I can't believe how much he seems to have grown within himself!"
Jay nodded, drying the dish he'd picked up from the draining board.
"Leo's really helped him," the tall blond said thoughtfully.
Alison smiled as she scrubbed a dirty saucepan.
"He really likes her, doesn't he?"
"Yeah, they've come to be really good friends," Jay replied innocently.
His mother laughed and flicked some of the frothy, white soapsuds at her eldest child playfully.
"Jason!" she said. "I mean he really likes her."
The penny dropped.
"Oh!" said Jay, understanding. "Yeah. I guess he does. I mean, who wouldn't? She's a pretty girl."
Alison nodded sadly.
"Just like her mother."
Jay looked up from the dishes. He opened his mouth to ask her to explain what she'd just said, but was interrupted.
"Have you seen my jacket, Mum?" asked Rinna, appearing in the kitchen.
"Going out, honey?" Alison questioned her daughter.
Rinna nodded.
"Made new friends then," said Jay. "I told you, you would."
"Only a few of the girl in my class," Rinna replied. "I didn't get the chance to get to know everyone I wanted to though," she added, turning to her older brother. "Who was that guy at the stables today?"
Jay looked at his sister.
"Which one?"
"The cute one."
Jay laughed out loud at his sister.
"And which one would that be?" he asked. "Or were you looking for my opinion on which guy is cute? Believe me Rinna, I'm not that way inclined!"
"Dark hair, glasses, looks a bit like that girl, Leo," Rinna told him.
"Ah," Jay answered. "That would be her cousin, Mega. I take it you're interested?"
"Maybe," she replied casually, tossing her dark, gold highlighted hair. "Now where is my jacket?"
"It's hanging on the banister at the bottom of the stairs," Alison informed her daughter. "Back by ten, love," she added.
"Sure, Mum," Rinna agreed, kissing Alison goodbye on the cheek. "See you later."
Alison smiled fondly as her eldest daughter left.
"Kids," she sighed.
"We're not that bad, are we?" Jay asked his mother, wide-eyed.
"No, of course you're n....." Alison broke off as she coughed roughly.
Jay looked concerned.
"Are you ok?"
Alison nodded insistently.
"I'm fine, honestly. It's just a...." She coughed again, louder and chestier than before, then sneezed. "It's just a bit of a cold, that's all."
"In summer?"
"There are no rules against it, Jason," Alison replied firmly, then softened. "I'm fine. Really."
Jay put his arm around his mother's shoulders.
"Yeah," he said quietly. "Of course you are."

****************************************************

"Giddy up, giddy up, horsey!" squealed Sorrel, bouncing up and down on my bed.
"Hey, that's enough!" I chuckled.
She'd been excitedly re-enacting my ride on Thunderhead for the last twenty minutes. I loved to see her happy.
"Can I be a cowboy too?" she asked, sitting down on the bed. "Please?"
I winked at her.
"We'll see," I said. "If you're a good girl."
This delighted her.
"Have we finished making a racket in here?" asked a dry voice.
I turned my chair around. I was now fairly used to it, my arms ached less and less.
"David," I said, seeing him in the doorway. "What do you want?"
"Sorrel, Mum wants you to go and wash your hands before dinner," my brother said. "Go on."
Baby jumped down off my bed. She grinned toothily as she passed me.
"Giddy up!" she yelled, and with that, she rode her imaginary horse out of the door and off to the bathroom. I laughed.
"She's easily impressed," David remarked.
"Meaning?"
My brother leant casually against the doorframe, his green eyes looking at me coldly. Brotherly love it wasn't.
"Meaning, that stunt you pulled on that girl's horse, it wasn't anything to crow about."
I rolled my eyes at him.
"And what would you know?" I spat at him. "When was the last time you rode a horse?"
David folded his arms, and stood up tall.
"You didn't ride that horse, Ryan. You just sat there, while Leo told it what to do, and it did all the running," he said. "You were just tagging along for the ride. Any idiot could see that!"
It made my blood boil to here him beating down my achievements, just like he always did. He's always better than me, always the better son. I glared at him.
"Well I didn't fall off, did I? If I was as useless as you seem to think, surely I would have been on my @ss in the sand the moment the horse got going?"
David moved into the room, his tall, muscular physique all the more apparent from my chair.
"Yeah, like she would have let you fall off!" he mocked. "She'd have stopped the horse if she thought you were going to. It's more than her job's worth to let cripples fall of horses and bash themselves up even worse than before."
David cruel words were like a red rag being waved in front of my eyes. How dare he?
"You have no idea, David!" I yelled. "You don't know her. Not like I do."
He was laughing now, right in my face. I couldn't believe it.
"You fool," he said, shaking his head. "You don't know her at all! She's got a job to do. You are a customer, someone who pays her wages. Sure, you think she cares, but you're wrong. All those people care about is getting their job done so they get paid. End of story."
I was breathing hard, my hands clenched tightly. I wished I could stand up and hit him. How dare he talk about Leo, my Leo, like that? Who did he think he was?
"You're wrong," I said, trying to compose myself. "I don't care what you think, Leo's not like that."
David rolled his green eyes.
"Whatever you say, Ryan," he said. "But I still think you're deluded. You think this Leo girl's actually interested in you? Come on! You are a fifteen year old guy, with very, very average looks, in a wheelchair, and you really believe that some gorgeous girl is going to give a damn about you? You're even more of an idiot than I thought."
"Just get out!" I shouted, turning my back on him. He didn't move. "You heard me, GET OUT!"
"What on earth is going on in here?" I heard Mum come in. "David, Ryan, stop this at once."
"It's ok, Mum," David said quietly. "I've said what I had to, I'll be downstairs setting the table for dinner."
Mum came up to me and put her hand on my shoulder. I looked at her.
"I hate him, Mum," I hissed. "I really hate him."
She squeeze my shoulder, stroking my tousled brown hair.
"I know you two don't see eye-to-eye," she said gently. "But please, for my sake, don't turn this house into a war-zone."
"Ok, Mum," I sighed reluctantly.
"Thank you," she said tenderly. "Now let's go downstairs and have dinner. I've made your favourite, las...." the end of the sentence was obliterated by a heavy, rasping cough that rattled through her chest.
"Are you alright, Mum?" I asked. "You don't sound so good."
"It's nothing, dear," she said briskly. "Just a touch of th...." she coughed again, for longer this time, the hacking more violent than before.
I touched her forehead, she was burning up.
"Mum," I said. "You're boiling."
"It's probably just a touch of flu, sweetheart," Mum brushed off my concern. "It's been doing the rounds at work. Now, let's go downstairs before the lasagne gets cold."

I hate David. With a passion. How can he say those things about me, about Leo? I can't even stomach it to call him my brother, Jay and Ved, and Reshef too, they're more my brother's than he'll ever be. He's just like Dad. Whatever I do, however much I try, I'm never good enough. And I never will be.
But, what if, what if he's right? What if I am just fooling myself? No, that can't be right. Can it? Leo cares, I'm sure she does, she has to. I'm not just a paying customer to her, after all, if that's all I was to her, she wouldn't hang around with me at school, would she?
You see what he's done? He's planted all these doubts in my head, and I can't get rid of them. He's poison. He's a stuck up, jealous, vindictive brat. And I hate him. Leo saved me, from myself.

'I was dying;
Dying to be alive;
Though, on the outside, I was smiling, I was struggling to survive.
Now I'm living;
Living because of you;
You gave me strength, right from the start;
That ray of hope that got me though.'

Mum's got me worried. After dinner, I was in the kitchen when she was washing up. She seemed to look older, more drawn and weary. I tried to tell myself I was imagining things, but I couldn't, it was there right in front of my eyes. Everything is telling me that something is wrong, drastically wrong with Mum. It's not just the flu that she's got, it's something much more serious. I must keep an eye on her. I need her, now, more than ever. She's been taking care of me, so I have to return the favour. If she gets any worse, I'll take her to the doctor myself, even if I have to drag her all the way there. Something's seriously wrong. I can feel it, I just don't know what it is. Not yet, anyway.

Chapter 9: The Light That Sets You Free

I don't know how much longer we can go on like this. The whole world seems to be caving in on us and we are powerless to stop it.
Mum is ill. Extremely ill. She's gone downhill so fast it's frightening. This is no flu. She's in bed, burning up a fever, slipping in and out of consciousness. And she looks so old. Her hair is greying day by day, and her skin appears more and more drawn and haggard, like she's aging before our eyes. And the worst thing, is that nobody seems to know what to do.
In the city, in the countryside, all across the world, adults are getting sick, dying even. The hospitals are full to bursting point, but there are less and less doctors to treat people, they're getting sick too. Every day on the news broadcast we are told not to panic, to remain calm, and assured that every effort is being made. But how can you not be scared if you're watching your own mother fade away, and you can do nothing to help her?
Dad has it, this virus, or whatever it is, too. We had a phone call from the army base yesterday. If I'm honest, I can say that I'm not worried for him, as I am for Mum, however heartless that sounds. He's never loved me, nor cared about me, so why should I care about what happens to him?
So now I'm sitting here, beside my mother's sickbed, holding her hand. Sorrel is asleep on the bed next to her. All we can do is pray, even though I've never prayed before now. Hope, is all we have left.

'Cool breeze and autumn leaves;
Slow motion daylight;
A lone pair of watchful eyes;
Oversee the living.'

I looked up at the clock. 9pm. David had just lifted the sleeping Sorrel from Mum's side and tucked her into bed, in her own little bedroom. I rubbed my tired eyes wearily. I'd never known a day to pass so slowly.
I heard the phone ring, its bell cutting through the uneasy silence that had settled upon the house like a heavy cloud. David must have picked up, as three rings later, the noise stopped. Mum stirred a little in her fever-induced sleep.
David peered around the doorway.
"It's for you," he said wearily. "I think it's Leo."
I pushed the chair across to Mum's neat little dressing table and picked up the extension. I hadn't spoken to Leo in a week. I'd been at home, not going to school, or to the stables, to stay and look after Mum.
"Hello?" I said, looking forward to hearing her comforting voice. But that wasn't what I got at all. A small, frightened girl answered.
"Ryan? Thank God."
"Leo?" I asked quickly. "What's wrong?"
"Everything!" she wailed. I could tell she was crying.
"Tell me," I insisted.
"They're all gone!"
"Who?"
"Everybody," she wept uncontrollable, struggling to gulp down breaths. "Dad...he's....he's dead."
"Oh God, Leo."
"And...my aunt and uncle too....Mega's parents.."
I longed to reach out to the devastated young girl at the other end of the phone. To hold her, comfort her.
"Where's Mega?" I asked.
"I don't know," Leo replied, sniffing back the tears. "He took off...about three hours ago. Ryan, I can't cope here!"
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw my mother's eyes flutter open and focus feebly on me.
"Leo calm down," I hushed, trying to soothe my distraught friend. "What can't you cope with?"
When she replied, her voice was bitter and mournful, and who could have blamed her. Leo's whole world was turning to dust.
"I am here, on my own," she said slowly, her voice choked. "With fifty horses to take care of, and three dead bodies."
"Oh, Leo," I murmured.
"Is that little Leonora on the phone, sweetheart?" croaked a shaky voice.
Mum. I turned to her, nodding.
"What's wrong?" she asked, reading the expression on my face.
I debated for a moment, whether to tell her the truth, or lie. But I knew, I couldn't keep it from her. Not this.
"Leo's dad died, Mum," I said quietly. Saying it out loud didn't make it seem any more real. "And Mega's parents."
"Oh the poor child!" Mum whispered. "How is she?"
"Not good. Mega's disappeared. She's all alone."
My mother looked me straight in the eye, lifting her head. Her voice was firm, resolute.
"Go to her."
"What?"
"Go to her, Ryan," she repeated solemnly. "She needs you."
"But so do you, Mum," I protested. "Look at you!"
"Ryan, I'm not going anywhere," my mother said, her grey eyes resolved. "That girl has helped you so much. And now, she needs you, you have to be there for her."
I sighed, and nodded, reluctant to leave her.
"Leo," I said into the receiver. "Leo, I'll be over as soon as possible. Hold on."
"Thank you," she gulped gratefully. "Thank you, so much."
I hung up and wheeled the chair back to the bed.
"I'll be back soon," I promised.
"Take as long as you need to, honey," she said, reaching out a frail hand to stroke my hair. "I'll be right here waiting for you when you get back."
David reappeared in the doorway.
"I'm just...." I began.
"I heard," David cut in. "I'll help you down the stairs."
I managed a weak smile.
"Goodbye, Mum," I said warmly.
"Goodbye, Ryan."
I pushed myself towards the door, then paused to take a final look at her.
"Go on," she whispered, managing a brief wave. "I love you, Ryan."
I felt a lump rise in my throat.
"I love you too, Mum."

*******************************************************

'Feel the presence all around;
A tortured soul;
A wound unhealing;
No regrets or promises;
The past is gone....'

It was almost ten o'clock by the time I got to the stables, sweating hard from the effort of pushing. I rolled up the sleeves of my long-sleeved blue t-shirt. There were no lights on at the house, Leo must be with the horses.
I let myself through the wooden gate. The little lamps above each stable door were on, but I couldn't see her.
"Leo?" I called out uncertainly. "Leo, where are you?"
I listened intently in the eerie silence for an answer.
"In here!" I heard her pained, anxious call.
She was in one of the stables, one of the nearest to me. Hurridly, I pushed myself to the door and drew the bolt across.
"Ryan?" Leo said. "Is that you?"
I pulled the stable door open, and saw her.
Her hazel eyes were red and swollen from crying, her usually golden cheeks, pale. Her hair was escaping messily from its braid. She looked totally destroyed.
"Leo," I murmured, upset to see her so broken. "It's going to be ok."
She raised her tear-filled eyes to mine.
"Then tell her that," she said, indicating down beside her in the straw.
I followed her eyes. Laying on its side in the thick straw bed was a beautiful, black mare, sweating and shivering, her stomach incredibly bloated.
"What's wrong with her?" I asked. "Is she sick?"
I pushed myself further into the stable, feeling the straw wrap around the wheels. Leo shook her head. I raised an eyebrow, confused.
"Well what then?"
Leo sighed, running her fingers over the mare's delicate dished face.
"She's pregnant, Ryan," she said woefully. "She went into labour hours ago, but there's no sign of the foal."
"Then call the vet!"
"There are no vets, Ryan," she cried bitterly. "They're all sick. I've tried every last one."
I closed my eyes. The Arabian mare whinnied nervously.
"Can you help her?" I asked.
Leo looked at the straining horse.
"I..I don't know," she stuttered. "Maybe, maybe one of the foal's legs is bent back, and that's why she can't push it out. I guess, I could try and straighten it out."
"You think you can do it?"
The mare snorted, and nuzzled at Leo's hand. She looked me in the eye.
"I have to try," she said, resigned. "I owe it to her to try. It's either, get this baby out, or..." she paused.
"Or?"
"Or I have to shoot her."

'But you can still be free....
If time will set you free......'

A few minutes later, the mare was still pushing, with no sign of a foal emerging. Leo took off her jumper, leaving her arms bare in a black vest top. She rinsed her right arm clean in the horse's water bucket
"Can you stay by her head please, Ryan?" Leo said, her eyes pleading. "Talk to her, keep her calm?"
I manoeuvred the chair towards the horse, which squealed and rolled its eyes.
"I think we might need to loose the chair," Leo said, with but the merest hint of her usual wit.
I edged the chair back, then somehow slipped down onto the straw and clawed my way up to the horse's pretty face.
"What's her name?" I asked.
"Bint Helwa," Leo replied, using her jumper to wrap the mare's long tail in, to keep it out of the way.
I laughed.
"I think you might have to write that one down for me," I said lightheartedly.
"It's Arabic," she explained. "It means 'Beautiful Girl.' But Binti is what we usually call her."
She certainly was a beautiful girl. Leo took a deep breath.
"Ok," she said decisively. "Let's do this."
The exhausted mare laid her dainty head on my lap, her nostrils flared. Gently, Leo reached inside her, groping for the unborn foal. Suddenly, her eyes flickered.
"You got something?"
"Yeah," Leo said, concentrating hard. "I was right, the left legs bent. If I can just..."
Gently, she pulled the tiny, unborn creatures spindly limb into the correct position, then withdrew her hand.
"Now you gotta push, Binti," Leo said to the mare. "Come on, girl."
The mare seemed to sense the urgency, and renewed the effort of straining. Her efforts were quickly rewarded, as the foals feet, began to emerge from her.
"Wow!" I said in awe.
We watched as first the legs, then the foal's nose appeared. With a great effort, the mare passed the baby's shoulders. From then on, it was easy, and the foal slid free, on to the straw. The sac surrounding the newborn broke open. Leo's face dropped.
"It's not breathing," she said.
"Oh no," I murmured. All that effort, and the tiny thing was dead.
But Leo wasn't about to give up that easily. She slipped her fingers into the limp creatures mouth, clearing the mucus from its airway. Still nothing. Grabbing a handful of straw, Leo laid the baby on it's side, and rubbed it's chest hard, desparately trying to revive it.
"Come on, little one!" Leo urged. "We're not done yet."
I looked at the mare, then noticed. She was still straining.
"Leo," I said. "She's still pushing."
"It'll just be the afterbirth," she replied briskly, still rubbing the foal.
I continued to watch Binti, then saw something, something familiar.
"Leo!" I said urgently. "Look!"
"Ryan, I'm trying to save this thing..."
"Just look!"
Leo turned her head, and her eyes widened at what she saw. Another pair of tiny feet.
"Oh God!" Leo gasped. She turned to me. "Ryan, keep rubbing this one, I've gotta help Binti."
I grabbed up some straw and began to do as Leo had done. But it seemed hopeless. Leo was behind Binti, watching open-mouthed, as the second pair of forlegs appeared, then another tiny face. The second foal flopped onto the straw, and the sac ruptured. The foal gasped, and squeaked feebly. It was alive.
I looked at the lifeless thing in front of me. There seemed to be no hope. But suddenly, I felt it's chest convulse, and it coughed, squeaking as it's sibling had done.
Leo was watching, exhausted and stunned.
"You didn't tell me she was expecting twins," I said.
"I didn't know."
The first baby sneezed and bleated. The mare turned her head to it. Leo picked it up and placed it in front of Binti, who began to lick the tiny creature. Leo did the same with the second foal.
"Do you know what the odds are of these two being born alive?" Leo asked me.
I shook my head.
"About 1 in a million," she replied. "You're looking at a real-life miracle."
She moved next to me, leaning back against the wall.
"They need names," I said.
Leo nodded.
"I already had a boy name picked out," she told me. "The second one, the little grey. That's a colt."
"So what's his name?" I asked.
"Shaheen," she replied. "Arabic for 'White Falcon.'
"And the other one?"
Leo looked at me.
"A little girl," she said softly. "And since you help bring her into this world, you should name her."
I thought for a moment, then I had it.
"Their birth was a miracle," I said. "And in the kind of world we're descending into, their survival shows there's still hope, for them, and for us."
"So, her name is?"
"Hope."
Leo beamed at me, then laid her head on my shoulder.
"It's perfect."

'Time now to spread your wings;
To take to flight;
The life endeavour;
Aim for the burning sun;
You're trapped inside.....'

I arrive home at half past eleven, hot, sweaty and exhausted. I just wanted to collapse into bed, and sleep for a week. But, the minute I entered the house, my thoughts went straight to my mother. The downstairs of the house was dark and quiet. David must be upstairs with Mum.
"David," I called, trying not to be too loud and wake Sorrel.
For a moment I heard nothing, then the sound of footsteps descending the staircase. It was David. But from the moment I looked into his eyes, I knew something was wrong, really wrong.
"What is it?" I asked, bracing myself.
David blinked, the tears still fresh in his green eyes.
"We had a call from the army base about an hour ago," he began.
I knew what was coming.
"Dad's dead."
I wanted to show some emotion, but I couldn't cry. Not for him. Not for the man who'd hated me all my life.
"How did Mum take it?" I asked. "You have told her, haven't you?"
My older brother sighed deeply, new tears beginning to stream down his face.
"David?" I asked, my voice quavering, a sharp rise of dread filling my stomach. "David?"
Wordlessly, David came over to me, and lifted me up, carrying me upstairs, the way he'd carried me down a few hours earlier. He took me into Mum's bedroom, and sat me on the edge of the bed. And then I knew.
Her eyes were lightly closed, as if in a peaceful sleep, but there was no sign of the familiar rise and fall of her chest, nor the soft whistle of her breath. A small, pale smile was frozen upon her lips, her hair draped softly around her delicate face. I felt my heart die inside me. I knew. She was gone.

'But you can still be free...
If time will set you free...
But it's a long, long way to go

Keep moving way up high;
You see the light;
It shines forever;
Sail through the crimson skies;
The purest light;
The light that sets you free.....'

Chapter 10: Fan the Heat From the Flame

'Lying in my bed, I hear;
The clock tick and think of you;
Caught up in circles;
Confusion is nothing new...'

I'm numb. That's the only way I can describe how I feel. Mum's dead. Gone forever. And yet, I still can't quite let it into my head. It doesn't seem real.
Every minute of the day, I expect her to just walk right back in the house, calling for us to help her in the kitchen or tidy up the mess we've made in the living room. But she doesn't. Not anymore. And all I want to do is scream at the top of my voice for someone, anyone, to give her back. Parents aren't supposed to die before their children grow up. They're supposed to be there, to see you get married, to know their grandchildren.
I only let myself cry the once, when David and I went into Sorrel's little room as she awoke and told her what had happened, that Mummy and Daddy had gone to be with the angels. As long as I live, I'll never forget the total heartbreak in my sister's once carefree eyes. We all wept together, in each others' arms, our broken family briefly united by our grief.
Our future is far from certain. Already, our neighbourhood is becoming a ghost town. No one really knows what's happening, except for the obvious: something, is killing the adults. But where will it end?

I'd been sitting at the dinner table, alone, playing half-heartedly with my cornflakes, which had long since turned soggy and inedible. I just didn't have the heart, nor the energy to eat.
The doorbell rang. Some twinkly little tune Mum had picked, despite the fact she knew it drove my father up the wall. David had taken Sorrel to the park, so it meant I had to answer. I stretched up from my chair to unhook the chain and undo the catch. I pulled the door towards me, and saw, standing on the doorstep, Leo.
"Hey," she said softly, hands in her jeans pockets. "How are things?"
The sight of her standing there seemed to shake me roughly from my numb, trance-like state. From then on, I only felt one emotion - anger.
"Like hell," I said, my voice low.
I saw her face twitch, confused.
"What?"
"You heard!" I snarled. "You've got some nerve showing your face here."
"Ryan," Leo said quickly. "I...I don't understand...."
"Because of you," I cut in harshly, feeling the hot rage burning up inside me. "I wasn't here to be with my own mother when she died!"
The shock of what I had said, registered on her face, tears coming to her eyes.
"Ryan. I'm so sorry...I didn't..."
"Don't talk to me!" I roared. "If I hadn't gone to see you and that fucking black nag, I'd have been here with her. The one who really needed me."
Leo's glistening, damp eyes closed, and she placed a hand across her chest, over her heart, breathing deeply, as if she was in pain. I couldn't bear to look at her
"Go," I told her, my face set in stone, resolved. "I don't want to see you again. Ever."
The last word sounded the hardest of all as it icily left my lips. It was all her fault. I half expected her to protest, to tell me she wasn't to blame. But she didn't. Wordlessly, she turned on her heel and shakily stepped down onto the path. She just walked away, and I slammed the door. She was gone too.

Flashback to warm nights;
Almost left behind;
Suitcases of memories;
Time after....'

Tiffani Bennett walked steadily and purposefully. She knew exactly where she was going. It was just beginning to get dark, the sun setting the horizon aflame.
The girl tossed her head defiantly, her black hair, with its silver streaks catching the last dying rays of sunlight. She'd show him, and that god damned gypsy bitch. Tiffani's green eyes gleamed as she thought of how she was going to get her revenge. How dare he dump her? Who did he think he was? Right now, a nobody, that was for sure. He might be cute and extremely intelligent, Tiffani mused, but in a wheelchair, he's nothing.
In her head it all made sense. That whore of a deSilva girl had gotten her filthy claws into Tiffani's man, bewitched him, taken him away from her. Now, she was going to reclaim him.
The plan was simple, but maybe, if it hadn't been for the 'virus' that was going around, Tiffani might have had second thoughts about taking such drastic measures. But with practically no police force, no fire brigade, nor ambulance workers, all falling victim to the deadly illness, this was going to be easy.
Dressed for the night, in her favourite colours, Tiffani's silver-glossed lips pursed into a malevolent smile. Swaggering down the darkened street, the silver sheen of her black blouse glittered dully. Her boots, knee high, adorned with silver flames, clonked loudly on the pavement, her legs revealed in her wrap-around skirt, also black, trimmed with a band of silver.
At the signpost, Tiffani turned right and stopped. She reached back a hand to touch her bag. She felt the large petrol can inside. Placing her other hand into the front pocket of her blouse, Tiffani found her fingers closing around the cold, metal casing of the lighter. The sign of the place she was stood before was dimly lit up, and readable in the quickly gathering darkness: True Colours Equestrian Centre.

'Sometimes, you picture me;
I'm walking to far ahead;
You're calling to me, I can't hear;
What, you've said;
Then you say, go slow, I fall behind;
The second hand unwinds..."

"How's Leo?"

That question struck a nerve buried deep inside me. Of course, Jay wasn't to know what I'd done. How I'd blamed everything on one of my dearest, most loyal friends, and told her I never wanted to see her again.

"How should I know?" I mumbled back.
Reshef cocked his head to one side.
"What happened?" he asked, his voice smooth and purposeful, as if, somehow, he already knew.
I looked into my friend's unseeing eyes.
"I told her the truth," I replied curtly. "That if it wasn't for her, I'd have been at my mother's side as she left us."
Jay's hazel eyes flickered with surprise at this. Reshef's face betrayed nothing of his feelings, nor did his voice when he spoke.
"If you had been with you mother," he said slowly. "What would you have done? What would you have said to her?"

I narrowed my eyes a little to Reshef's enquiry. I've learnt by now that it doesn't do to dwell on 'what ifs.' What's done is done. I didn't see how his question was supposed to help anyone.

"I would have told her that I love her, and I would have said goodbye," I answered.
Reshef nodded.
"And may I ask," he continued gently. "What you said to her before you left to help Leo that night?"
As we sat out in the hazy sunshine, I cast my mind back....

"Goodbye, Mum," I said warmly.
"Goodbye, Ryan."
I pushed myself towards the door, then paused to take a final look at her.
"Go on," she whispered, managing a brief wave. "I love you, Ryan."
I felt a lump rise in my throat.
"I love you too, Mum."

"I said......"

And then I realised. I knew, painfully, that I was wrong. I'd punished one of the most beautiful, loyal people in my life for something she hadn't done. Regret filled my heart. Could I turn back the clock and undo my cruel words?"

Jay and Reshef looked on as the realisation swept over me.
"You see," Reshef said, with wisdom beyond his years. "You said all you need to, to you mother, before you left her. She knew you loved her."
Jay reached out and put his hand on my shoulder, comforting.
"We all need someone to blame when things go wrong," the tall blonde said solemnly. "You found Leo. Myself, I can't find anyone to blame for my own parents' passing."
I looked up at him, shocked.
"Your parents?" I said in dismay, remembering Alison's unbridled kindness. "When?"
"This morning," Jay replied, his eyes misty. "In each others' arms."
"There are few adults left now," Reshef told us. "Soon, we're going to be on our own."
But not entirely alone," I said grimly. "Friends must stick together."
"Amen to that, Ryan," Reshef said.
"And now I had a friend who is owed an apology. A big one, if she'll accept it, without further delay."
Jay and Reshef got to their feet, whilst I pulled on my gloves.
"Come on you two!" Jay called up the garden.
Ved and Megan looked up from their game of cards on the lawn.
"Where are you lot off to in such a hurry?" Jay's younger sibling asked.
"On a mission," Jay replied with a small smile. "There's something Ryan has to do."
Ved looked back to Megan.
"Wanna go along for the ride?" he said. "It'll spare you a severe thrashing!"
Megan nodded.
"Come on then," he said, getting up.
"Just one thing, Ved," the girl replied coolly.
"Yeah?"
She laid the seven cards in her hand down on the grass.
"I think you'll find that's Rummy."

'If you're lost, you can look, and you will find me;
Time after time;
If you fall, I will catch you, I will be waiting;
Time after time.'

"Thank God, you're back!" gasped Leonora deSilva, flinging her arms wildly about her cousin's neck.
Mega held her close, running his fingers through the silky curtain of her raven ponytail. Tears danced in their eyes, his mahogany brown, and her fiery hazel. He rued his actions greatly. He regretted leaving her at the very time they had needed each other the most. For a few precious moments, neither spoke, but each clung desperately to the other, for fear of being swept away.
The boy drew back, stroking the girl's golden cheek.
"I'm so sorry, Leo," he said softly.
"It's ok," she whispered back. "You're here now. That's all that matters."
"I'm not ever going to leave you like that again," he promise solemnly. "Never."
"You better not!" she retorted. "You just try it and your @ss won't know what's hit it, Moggy!"
Her cousin laughed.
"Less of the Moggy, would you?"
She stuck her tongue out at him. Moggy had been her pet name for him since they were toddlers, her childhood version of his real name, Morgan.
"If you're going to be like that," Mega said haughtily. "I may have to start calling you by your other name. Rosie!"
Leo screwed up her face in disgust.
"Ok, ok," she relented, planting a kiss on his cheek. They'd always been close, since they'd grown up together. "We're even now. Just...."
Her voice trailed off as she glanced out of the window. Mega looked puzzled for a moment, then looked behind him, and was filled with the same horror as Leo at what he saw.
Fire.
"The barn!" Leo yelled.
"God, no!"
She grabbed his hand.
"Come on, we gotta get the horses out!"
The two ran out of the house, too scared and panicked to notice the female figure that lurked in the shadows. Tiffani smiled, watching the flames rise.
"That's what you get for stealing my man."
The fire took hold quickly, but then, how could it not, since it had been started where it would have most fuel. The barn was filled with bale upon bale of hay and straw, that was now burning fiercely. And spreading.
The flickering orange tongues of flame licked out and reached for the nearest stable upon which it began to feed hungrily.
Leo and Mega knew the fire drill by heart. They had to get the horses out into the furthest paddocks from the stable buildings. Mega sprinted on ahead, throwing the gates wide open. Leo rushed to the first row of stables, undoing the bolts and flinging the doors open. The horses were already fearful, screaming and stamping at the noise and smell of the blaze. Most, when their doors were opened made a bolt for freedom, desperate to get as far from the flames as possible. But a few, were paralysed by their terror and would not move.
Leo stepped into the stable, already beginning to fill with smoke. The horse inside was a powerful stallion named Nisr. The sire of Binti's twin foals, he was their prize Arabian horse, 15 hands and with a coat of shinning silver grey. He was facing away from the door. Leo walked quietly up to his head. He snorted, nostrils flared, rolling his eyes at her. She spoke soft, yet firm, and placed pressure on his chest with both hands.
"Back," she said.
Nisr whinnied and took a small step backwards.
"Good boy," Leo said. "Back."
He took another step, but then stopped. Above them they could hear the roar of the fire closing in. Nisr quivered, uncertain. Suddenly, the crash and thunder of what they would latter know to be the barn roof collapsing, rattled the air. The stallion screamed, dancing up on his hindlegs. Leo pressed herself against the back wall of the stable, to get away from his front flailing hooves. Then he was on all fours again, and he made his escape.
Lightning quick, he wheeled around, darting for the doorway with a last kick from his hindlegs. One missed Leo by an inch, but the other caught her a glancing blow on the shoulder as she stepped away from the wall. It sent her flying backwards. Her head made a loud crack as it connected with the stone of the wall. She fell to the ground, landing in a heap onto the straw, and laying still. The first flickering tongues of flame began to lick at the roof, yet the girl lay still. Motionless, as the fire sought her out. It was still hungry.

Chapter 11: Hold On, Don't Shed a Tear

'At the window pane, and endless river tonight;
Iridescent pearls of perfect crystal and light;
Softly flowing, from silver clouds way up high;
Tears of the angels, fall from the sky.'

"Oh my God!" Jay cried, unable to believe the devastating sight before his eyes.
The sky was dark and brooding, but the flames lit it with an eerie glow. The roar of the inferno echoed in my ears, drowning everything out. The screams of the horses pierced the air, like the howls of banshees, and through the almighty din, we caught the sound of Mega's voice.
"They're in there," I said, my voice almost a whisper.
Jay took charge.
"You two stay here," he said to Reshef and myself. "Ved, Megan, come with me."
"But," I protested in vain. "Leo's in there! Jay, I have to..."
"I know she's in there," Jay said softly. " And we'll get her out. But you can't go in there, Ryan. She'd never forgive herself if you got hurt because of her."
I knew Jay spoke the truth, but I still felt so unbelievably helpless. Knowing Leo was in that fire, somewhere, yet not being able to do anything, was torture.
Jay headed for the gate, Ved at his heels. But Megan hung back, unable to tear her gaze from the towering flames. Ved saw this, and came back for her, taking her hand.
"Come on, Megan," he said reassuringly. "We've got to help them."
The girl allowed herself to be led into the smoke-filled air beyond the gate, but I caught a glimpse of the fear in her young, green eyes.
And so, Reshef and I stayed. Watching, listening, praying, hoping. All we could do was wait.

'Sorrow for the dying man, alone in his hospital bed;
Despair for the battered wife, not knowing what lies ahead;
Grief for the child, who's life burnt out too soon;
All stare up to the sky, the silver stars, the moon;
And they all ask the very same question:
Is there hop for us, for them, for me?....'

"Jay, what are you doing here?" Mega hollered, catching sight of the blonde through the smoke.
"We're here to help!" Jay called back.
Mega appeared in front of them, coughing heavily.
"The horses are in the far paddock," he told them breathlessly. "But," he gasped for air. "I can't find Leo, and Thunderhead's missing, too."
They split up. Jay and Mega to one yard, Ved and Megan to the other.
The grey fumes were thick, choking their lungs as they called for their missing friend.
"Ved! I can't do this!" Megan cried, cowering at the sight of the heart of the fire.
Ved squeezed his friend's hand.
"You can do it, Megs," he told her assuredly.
But she could not. The girl sank to the floor, filled with fear. Her breath came in little frantic gulps, through her sobs and yelps. Ved knelt beside her.
"It's ok, Megs," he repeated gently. "Now, breathe. Take my hand."

***********************************************

"Leo!"
Mega and Jay shouted her name. But she did not hear.
"Where can she be?" Mega cried in despair.
Then, as if in answer, from forth the swirling, blackened smoke came a blur of pure, dazzling white: Thunderhead. The albino stallion squealed at the two frantic boys, dancing on his heels, like an eerie ghost in the mist. Mega understood.
"Where is she?" he asked the horse. "Where's your girl?"
The albino tossed his head, mane whirling through the air like a banner, then darted along the row of stables. He halted abruptly at the second to last stall, screaming and pawing the concrete.
Jay and Mega followed. The smoke clouded thick in the dark of the stable, but Jay's hazel eyes were keen and sharp, and he saw her lying, just where she had fallen.
"Leo!" he said urgently, bending down to her. But she didn't answer.
He could feel her breathing, though shallow on his hand. Gently, but swiftly, he placed his arms under her limp frame and lifted her from the smouldering straw, cradling her into his chest.
"Bring her here!" Mega said quickly.
Jay carried his unconscious burden out of the stable, to her cousin.
"Put her up on him," he told Jay. "He'll keep her safe."
Jay did not argue, there was no time for that, but did as Mega said, lifting Leo's lifeless form onto her faithful, Thunderhead.
"We've got to get her and us out of here," said Jay. "Now!"

***************************************************

We could see a figure. A figure carrying something. Someone.
"Leo!" I called out into the mist.
But it wasn't her. It was Ved, cradling Megan in his arms. The young girl was a wreak, quivering, trembling, and gasping for breath, but I could only think of my Leo, trapped in a fiery prison.
"Where is she!" I screeched, demanding of Ved.
He just shook his head.
"I don't know," he said. "I had to get Megan out. But Jay's still looking. And Mega, too. They'll find her, Ryan."
I cast my eyes to the heavens, where dark clouds gathered, and prayed, to whoever might be listening, that Leo might be kept safe.
The clamour of hooves on the concrete could be heard somewhere near the gate. I strained my ears for the sound of her voice, but I did not hear it.
"Please!" I begged.
As if in answer, a great flurry of white burst through the wooden gate, two smaller dark blurs either side of it.
"Leo!" I cried, seeing her at long last, atop her steed.
She didn't answer, as she swayed unsteadily. Mega caught her leg to stop her falling, and Jay, still hacking from the smoke, lifted her down.
"What have you done to her?" I demanded, as Jay lay her softly down at my feet. Mega shook his head, kneeling beside his cousin.
"We found her like this. I...I don't know what happened..."
His confusion was halted as to the relief of all, Leo's eyes fluttered open and she stirred from her unconsciousness.
"Ouch!" she croaked, touching the back of her head gingerly. "My head."
Mega felt the spot. There was a large lump, but no cut, no blood.
The fire still burnt with a vengeance, as if angry that its intended victim had been allowed to escape. As she lifted her head, Leo saw the flames and began to weep.
"Oh, Mega!" she sobbed. "Our whole life, up in smoke!"
But then, as if in mirror of the girl's tears, the dark clouds high above loosed their content, and it began to rain.

'But this rain, will wash away their tears;
Fade away the anger, banish all the fears;
Comfort the lonely, quiet those who mourn over the years;
A new day has begun;
After the darkest rain, comes golden sun.'

Leo and Mega's house was at a distance where it had not been touched by the flames now being doused by the downpour. Jay had carried Leo, after ignoring her protests that she could walk just fine, and laid her down on the sofa.
We gathered in the cosy living room. Ved and Megan sitting side by side on the floor, Mega and Jay either side of Leo, who was still a little groggy from the knock on her head. She lay quietly with her head on her cousin's lap, while he stroked her hair soothingly. Reshef sat next to me, opposite the sofa, in the big, plush armchair.
Leo remained quiet and still, but every now and again, I'd look up and see her sad eyes watching me. The mood was sombre. Leo glanced up at the window.
"It's stopped raining," she said quietly.
Mega nodded. Leo looked up at him, then pushed herself into a sitting position.
"I'm going outside," she announced, getting up, though still a little shaky.
"Leo, the fire's all put out now. Jay and Ved checked," Mega said softly. "There's nothing we can do now."
But the defiant deSilva girl was not to be swayed.
"I want to see," she pouted. "I have to."
She made her way to the front door.
"Wait!" I heard myself say.
Everyone turned to look at me, but I kept my gaze on Leo's face.
"We're all in this together now," I said firmly. "If you go, Leo, we all go."
There was a murmur of approval amongst the others, but I paid them no heed. I just watched her face. And for a brief moment, I felt as though she was looking right into my heart, and that she saw the forgiveness inside. And then, maybe, just maybe, I thought I saw that same hint of forgiveness in her eyes, too.

'I was waiting for so long;
For a miracle to come;
Everyone told me to be strong;
Hold on, and don't shed a tear.

Through the darkness and good times;
I knew I'd make it through;
And the world thought I had it all;
But I was, waiting for you....'

Dawn had just begun to break as we stepped outside. The first faint rays of sunlight were scattered through the last grey mists of smoke that still lingered. The ground was still damp from the rain. The new morning made an effort to brighten hopes in the blackened ruins of the stable yard, but it was eerily quiet. No birds sang, as if silent as some mark of respect for all that had come to pass the previous night.
Leo walked on ahead, apprehensive. Their once, lively, happy home, was now a scene of destruction. Passing down the first row of stables, she peered into each one, silently hoping she wouldn't find what she was looking for. But she did.
The sight made her reel back, her heart aching, tears already regrouping.
He lay still, motionless and dead. Thought mercifully, his beautiful face and indeed the rest of his once lustrous dappled grey coat, were unscourched, the sight still destroyed her inside. The smoke must have overcome him, she reasoned. But, the way he was turned, facing the door, it seemed he might have at the last, decided to break from his fear and make a bid for freedom. But all too late.
Gently, the grieving girl reached down and brushed a lock of curly, grey mane from the stallion's eyes. Why him? This horse had been her mother's pride and joy. 17 hands of purebred Lusitano, elegant, yet muscular and powerful, he;d been her mother's since the day he'd been foaled, thirty years ago. Eulalia deSilva had taken great care over deciding his name, it had to be perfect. And she'd found it, and christened him, Verdadero, Spanish for 'True,' for that he always was, honest, giving and true. Devoted to his girl. It was a trait that he'd obviously passed on to his son, Leo's own albino, Thunderhead. Now he was dead, now he was with his girl again.
"How many more are there?" she asked Mega, her eyes still on Verdi's lifeless form.
He sighed.
"In the stables," her cousin replied. "10 including him. But I haven't checked the ones we got out yet."
"Which ten?" Leo's voice was small and distant.
"Apart from Verdi," he told her, trying to swallow his own emotions. "Dad's, my Dad's, two Welsh ponies, Neifon and Arwen, old Gracie, my old gelding, Bounce," he paused, then continued. "Rag's the shetland, and those three Dales ponies Mum got given, Blackjack, Jazz and Blue."
"That's only nine," Jay said quietly.
But there was no need to ask the name of the final victim, at least, not for Leo and I. The sight of the tiny body laying half in, half out of the stable in which he'd been born brought a lump to my throat. It was Shaheen, the first of Binti's little foals we'd helped bring into the world. Leo was sobbing freely now, kneeling on the ground, her head in her hands.
"Leo," I whispered, placing my hand on her shoulder. "I'm sorry."
She gazed up at me though her tears.
"But, it's not your fault he's dead," she said.
"I know," I replied. "The same as it wasn't your fault that my Mum died, but that didn't stop me blaming you." I paused to see her reaction. Her face was calm and expectant. "I'm so sorry for what I said," I gushed. "I've been the world's biggest bastard, and I wouldn't blame you if you didn't want to speak to me again."
"I know," Leo said. "But we've come too far to let friendships be lost because we were upset about our parents. We're going to need all the friends we can get from now on. We're on our own."
I smiled with relief, but my eyes were drawn back to the little, grey colt foal.
"He had more of the life than he could have had without you," I told Leo. "He would never even have taken a breath in this world, but you clawed him back from death's door. He at least got a chance."
Leo stood, then leant on my chair, her eyes sad, but with the faintest glimmer of happiness in them.
"You're right, Ryan," she said softly.
Mega came walking back up from the paddocks, though I hadn't even seen him go.
"Good news," he said. "All the horses out there are fine. Mind you," he added with a cheeky glint in his eye. "That albino 'thing' down there's making enough of a racket for the lot of them. Hollering for all he's worth."
Leo sighed, but there was a smile on her lips.
"That would be my albino 'thing,'" she said dryly. "Trust him!"
"Binti's down there too," Mega said, seeing Shaheen's body. "The other foal's fine."
Leo turned to me, and then wrapped her arms tightly around me, as is she were never going to let go. It felt so good to hold her, but...
"Ok Leo!" I gulped. "I kind of need to breathe now!"
She released me, her eyes shinning, their fiery hazel glowing.
"Sorry," she said. "It's just, that well, there's some good come out of this mess after all. And maybe a little message for all of us."
"Like what?" asked Reshef, curiously.
"Never play with matches?" Ved ventured.
"Hey!" Jay warned his brother sternly.
"I meant," Leo said haughtily, sticking her tongue out playfully at Ved. "That it's a new day. After the fire, that the rain came and washed away, now comes the sun."
She stopped for a moment, looking at the tiny foal's dead body.
"We lost friends in the fire," she continued. "And we lost family, parents, before that. But even though little Shaheen didn't make it, his sister survived. We still have Hope."
No one could dispute that. Hope, we still had, and we were going to need it.

'Hush, love, I see a light in the sky;
Oh, it's almost blinding me;
I can't believe, I've been touched by an angel with love....

Let the rain come down and wash away my tears;
Let it fill my soul and drown my fears;
Let it shatter the walls, for a new sun;
A new day has.....come.'

I'll never forget Leo's words that day. She spoke like a true leader, someone who, though terribly scarred, and having had their whole world almost completely fall apart, was still determined not to be beaten. Not yet, not when we'd got this far.
She changed that day. There was a new light in her eyes. A fierce resolve. She, Leonora deSilva, was not going to give in. She was going to stand defiant, and take whatever life had left to throw at her. I admired her for that. Most, in her place, would have been utterly destroyed. Defeated. But not her.
And I think, that I've changed. Seeing Leo's grim determination seemed to spark something similar within me. I've had plenty thrown my way. At times, I was on the brink of caving in. Now, I'm prepared. Things aren't going to be easy in this new day that has come, but I've made the same decision as Leo, as all of us have. We are not going to let this beat us. We're not going to give up without a fight. Somehow, we're going to find a way. We're going to survive. I can feel it.

Chapter 12: And Left Me With Just Memories

'All at once;
I finally took a moment, and I'm realising that;
You're not coming back;
And it finally hit me, all at once.'

We're leaving. It's all been decided. Blue River just isn't a home for us anymore, it's a minefield of regrets and painful memories.
The lost ones have all now been laid to rest. The horses were all moved by way of the deSilva's old pick-up truck to the charred remains of the barn. We gathered up all the old wood and straw we could find, and burned the fallen beasts in a vast funeral pyre. Except, for Verdadero, Leo's mother's horse, whom we buried beside the house, as Eulalia deSilva had wished, and laid little Shaheen in the earth beside him.
And then, there were our parents. The mother's who had nurtured us, warm and safe in their wombs, who gave birth to us and cared for us. The father's who had loved us, who played football with us in the garden, and watched us grow. All gone.
At the deSilva place, a large-ish trench had been dug in one of the paddocks, with the intention of putting down some irrigation pipes. But now, it served as a mass grave for our beloved parents. One by one, we laid them down into the dusty, brown earth: my mother, Mega's parents, then Jay and Ved's and Reshef's, then finally, Leo's dad. The all looked peaceful, at rest, but so, so old, thus was the mark left by the virus.
Then, we built about their pale bodies, a cairn, piling stone upon stone, until we could no longer see them. The last resting place of each adult was marked with a makeshift crucifix and a piece of wood, each name carved into the timber. There were eight in total. They lay side by side: Judith Anne Masters, my beautiful mother, Ved and Jay's parents; Alison Marie Sanderson, who's kind heart I was so thankful for, and Peter James Sanderson, who I'd never even met. Next to them, Reshef's mother and father; Samuel and Neta Golan, then Mega's parents, Leo's aunt and uncle; Matthew John Prince and Leo's mother's younger sister, Selina Paloma Prince. Last, was Leo's beloved father, the gentle giant of a man. But I noticed something, something strange. The name on the 'gravestone' was not what I had expected. Instead of 'deSilva,' the carving clearly read; Joseph Michael Rose. But then was not the right time to ask, for the tears of grief flowed freely, as we stood before the grave and wept.
We were all united in our sorrow. David was there at my side, as Sorrel clung to me desperately, sobbing against my chest. Mega and Leo held each other tight, both only children, but tied by their mothers' blood. The large Sanderson family, with Jay now left as the 'father figure,' comforting Ved and Rinna, and devastated little Katie. Megan was with them. Her parents had been long gone before the virus, and she hadn't cared much for her foster parents. As far as the Sandersons were concerned, she was one of them now, whatever her surname might be.
Reshef and Efrat wept side by side, the older boy burying his face into Efrat's shoulder, seeking comfort. Though, he had seen less and less of his parents because of their jobs, their deaths were none the less painful. And when the tears were all spent, we laid flowers upon the grey stones, roses of red and white, other colourful blooms cut from the deSilva's back garden. On her father's grave, Leo gently laid but a single blossom, a lily, of purest snow white. Her choice of flower seemed significant, but at that time, I didn't know why. Thus, our beloveds laid to rest, we had but one decision left to make: Where are we going to go?

**************************************************

"I'm not coming with you."
The words were firm and final.
"But where will you go?"
"I have friends. We'll find somewhere."
I didn't know why I was arguing with him, I should have been glad to be rid of him. After all, he'd made my life a misery, been Dad's 'perfect son.'
"And what about Sorrel?" I demanded, persistent. "What will I tell her?"
"She's young, Ryan," David replied. "She'll have forgotten all about me in a year or two. Besides, she loves you better."
I shook my head in disbelief at this confession from my older brother.
David got up from the table, slinging his full, heavy rucksack onto his back, heading for the door. I followed him.
"You're not staying here are you?" David asked me, his hand on the doorhandle.
I shook my head.
"No, we're leaving too. A big group of us."
"Don't hang around here," he warned. "It won't be long before things turn nasty."
"What do you mean?"
"There's troubling brewing, Ryan," he said, concern heavy in his speech. "If you don't get out today, you never will."
The urgency in his voice was disturbing. It wasn't like my brother to actually care what happened to me.
"If you say so," I muttered back.
"I mean it, Ryan!" David insisted. "If you only ever listen to one thing I say, make this it: Get out now and don't take that deSilva girl with you."
"What?"
I couldn't believe what he'd just said. David's green eyes bored into me. For a minute, it felt like I was back under the fierce gaze of my father.
"That girl will bring you nothing but pain and misery," he said firmly. "Trust me."
"Whatever."
David opened the door and turned to me.
"See you, Ryan. Brother."
I didn't answer, I just watched him go, then shut the door behind him. Sorrel was now, all I had left of my family.

'All at once, I started counting teardrops;
And at least a million fell, my eyes began to swell;
And all my dreams were shattered;
All at once.'

"Are we all set?" asked Jay, looking around at the small crowd gathered in front of him.
We were really going to leave, all of us, together. Beside Jay, were Ved and Megan, along with his two younger sisters. Then there was Reshef, with his girl Efrat laying her head on his shoulder, and of course, Sorrel and myself. We were just waiting for Mega and Leo.
They arrived not long after, breathless, each riding a horse and leading several others between them.
"The cavalry's here!" Leo called out cheerily, slipping down from Thunderhead's back.
"At ease, soldier," Jay countered dryly.
"Whatever you say, General Blondie," Leo threw back at him.
Between them, Leo and Mega had brought six horses. Their own mounts, the albino, Thunderhead, and Mega's figety piebald mare, Spitfire, wore no saddle's just bridles. The other four, fully tacked up, were a mixed bunch. There was little Harry Hairylegs, the black Shetland, and Caramelo, the chestnut I'd learnt to ride on. The other two I didn't recognise. One was a tall, but stockily built skewbald gelding, and the other, a smaller, lighter-limbed palomino mare.
"Up you go then, Ryan," Leo said to me.
"Huh?"
"On Cara," she explained. "Why do you think I brought him?"
"But everyone else is walking," I said quietly.
"But everyone else is not in a wheelchair and will not have their arms fall off if they try to be a stubborn @ss and push themselves the entire way!"
I relented. Jay and Mega helped me up. Leo picked up mine and Sorrel's bags fastened them to Cara's saddle. She took the Sandersons' bags and hitched them onto the tall skewbald, and gave Reshef and Efrat's belongings to the palomino. Mega and Leo's own personal items were slung over the backs of their own horses, and Mega tied Megan's bag onto the Shetland's saddle.
"Well, General Blondie," Leo said cheekily. "We await your orders."
Jay rolled his eyes.
"Well, Captain Ebony," he replied archily, in reference to Leo's hair colour. "I'm not the one leading the way. Ryan is."
He looked up at me.
"Whenever you're ready."
I nodded.
"Walk on, Cara!" I called, and the horse responded willingly. "We're heading up over that hill," I explained. "That's they way to the army base."
The base Dad had worked at seemed an obvious choice of a safe place to go.
Suddenly, I heard a loud neigh from behind us, and turned to see a black shape heading towards us. Thunderhead called out in reply.
"Binti!" Leo cried, recognising the horse as she drew up alongside the albino stallion, her little daughter at her heels. Thunderhead nickered and nuzzled the Arab mare affectionately.
"I guess we have to take Hope with us," Leo mused.
"We had to just turn the other horses loose," Mega explained. "She must have followed us."
"Followed her boyfriend, more like," Rinna piped up, fluttering her eyes at Mega.
Leo laughed.
"Yeah, they've always been sweethearts," she said. "Foaled the same spring. Thunderhead may love me, but, well, he has 'needs' that only a lady horse can fulfil."
"I don't think we'll go there!" Ved put in.
"No," Jay agreed. "Definitely not!"
The laughter that followed felt good, like we were finally beginning to find happiness again. And so, our bizarre company headed off into the distance, leaving our old lives, my wheelchair, and Blue River far behind. Never to return.

***************************************************

"Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you."
Everyone sang, though not all of them were in tune.
"Happy birthday dear, Ryan, happy birthday to you."
They finished loudly, clapping like mad.
"You have to blow out the candles and make a wish now, Ryan," said Megan.
I looked around at them all, gathered round, smiling and laughing.
My 'birthday cake' was in fact, a 'birthday orange' and a mars bar, perched on a paper plate with a few assorted candles stuck into it. But you know what they say: it's the thought that counts!
"Quick Ryan!" squeaked Leo. "Or you'll burn the orange!"
Laughing, I closed my eyes and blew, making my wish. Another manic round of applause errupted.
"Now who wants a piece of birthday orange?" I asked, smiling across at Leo.
"Now, Ryan," she said, her hazel eyes sparkling. "It's not every day you get something as special as a '16th birthday orange.' You have it."
It was a quarter past midnight. We'd walked for five long hours, before we'd found a place to spend the night. Now we were sat gathered round a small campfire we'd built, outside an old farm.
"Time for bed, I think," Jay announced, dousing the fire.
"Yes, daddy Jay," Ved said impishly.
"Are you going to come and tuck us all in, daddy Blondie?" Leo asked with a wink and a grin. "Or read us a bedtime story?"
"And what if we all have nightmares?" I added, unable to resist. "Can we come and sleep in your bed?"
Jay got up, shaking his head wearily.
"Kids!" he sighed. "Who'd have them?"

****************************************************

Mega carried me inside the big, straw-filled barn, and Leo appeared as he set me down, cradling Sorrel, fast asleep, in her arms.
"I think this is yours," she said smoothly.
Gently, she laid the little girl on the straw beside me and drew a blanket up over her.
"She's beautiful," Leo said softly.
"Yeah," I agreed. "She is."
Leo sat down next to me, fishing about in her pocket.
"Happy birthday," she said, holding out her hand. "Sorry it isn't wrapped."
I took the object from her. It was a necklace. I turned it over in my hands. It was a simple thing, a leather cord with a few silver beads on it and an unusal pendant in the middle.
"It's a dreamcatcher," Leo explained. "The American Indians used to hang them outside their tents. They believed the net would catch the bad dreams, but let the good ones through. You like it?"
"Of course I do," I replied.
"Let me put it on you."
I could feel the warmth of her breath on my neck as she reached round to fasten the necklace. She smelt of some kind of perfume, spicy and exotic, as I felt the gentle touch of her fingertips on the back of my neck and the press of her breasts on my chest.
"There we go," she said, pulling back to admire the necklace on me.
Sorrel rolled over in her sleep, leaning against me.
"Could you get the other blanket out of my bag?" I asked Leo, as I wrapped Sorrel's cover around her.
Leo obliged, shaking the folds out of the thick blue blanket as she drew it from my rucksack.
"Does the birthday boy need a bedtime story?" Leo asked innocently, trying not to giggle.
"No thanks," I answered. "Not tonight."
"Good," she said briskly. "Then we can get some sleep."
And then to my surprise, she lay down beside me, bringing the blanket up to cover both of us.
"I thought," I began, flustered. "I thought you were sleeping over there, with Mega.?"
She looked at me, hazel eyes aglow.
"But what if you have nightmares?"
Then she giggled and I laughed too, though more to cover my embarrassment.
With that, I lay down too, facing her. There was moonlight shinning in through the slats of the barn roof, lighting her face with a soft glow. Her eyes never left mine. Shifting, she drew the blanket round more tightly, for it was chilly, even inside. Then, she moved closer, closer so that her head lay on my chest, underneath my chin, and all the way down to my waist, I could feel the warmth of her body pressed against mine.
Hesitantly, I placed my arm around her shoulders. She didn't move away, but closed her eyes.
"Goodnight Ryan."
"Goodnight Leo."
For a while, I didn't dare move for fear of breaking the spell. My mind was racing with unanswered questions. What did this mean? Relax, I told myslef. Be cool, like Jay. Easier said than done!

'You light me up and then I fall for you;
You lay me down and then I call for you;
Stumbling on reasons that are far and few;
I'd let it all come down and then some for you....'

Mega shifted position for the 26th time in five minutes. It wasn't because he was uncomfortable, he'd slept in the stables before now, it was just.....
Without lifting his head up, he glanced across to where he'd put Ryan down. Sure, he'd expected that she might have stayed to talk with Ryan for a bit, after bringing Sorrel to him, but Mega had assumed she'd be back soon enough. Her stuff was over here and all, yet she'd stayed with him.
Mega couldn't see her face, just the glossy sheen of her black ponytail strewn all across the straw. Mega closed his eyes, but he couldn't relax his mind for sleep.
She's my cousin, he thought to himself. She should be here with me, not him. He shook himself. What was this? Why was he so jealous? Just go to sleep, Mega, he told himself, you're tired, that's all. And he shifted a 27th time, before finally drifting off.

'And I know things can't last forever;
But there are lessons that you'll never learn;
Oh just the scent of you it makes me hurt;
So how's it you that makes me better...'

Leo was fast asleep. I was still awake. Thinking. Jay had shown me something before we'd left. In the ruins of the barn, the eldest Sanderson boy had found something: a petrol can and a cigarette lighter.
The fire had been no accident. We'd decided not to tell Mega and Leo, they'd been through enough already. And besides, we were going anyway.
Leo stirred a little in her dreams, but didn't open her eyes. It still seemed like a dream of my own, that she was there, laying next to me. I'd never looked at her so closely, noticing tiny details. Like the small birthmark on her neck, or the cluster of tiny moles on her shoulder, or a small, jagged white scar on her jawline, almost invisible. She was beautiful.
I turned my head to look at Sorrel, also sleeping soundly. She was beautiful too.
And so, I gradually let my eyelids grow heavy, and sleep gathered me, as I lay there that night, happy and contented, with Sorrel and Leo: my two special girls.

'Pretty baby, don't you leave me;
I have been saving smiles for you;
Pretty baby, why can't you see;
You're the one that I belong to;
I'll be the embrace that keeps you warm;
For you're the sun that breaks the storm;
I'll be alright, and I'll sleep sound;
As long as you keep coming round.'

Chapter 13: And Love Just Took Me By Surprise

"So this is it?"
"Yes," I replied. "Here we are."
I forgave them for their lack of enthusiasm. It was late, and we were all exhausted. Even thought we were looking at our new home for the first time, the only thing on everybody's minds was sleep. Except, that is, for Katie and Sorrel, but that was because they were already asleep, Katie in the strong arms of her big brother and my little sister up with Leo on Thunderhead.
Mega dismounted and gently took Sorrel from his cousin so that she too could slip down from her horse's back.
"Does this place have stables?" Leo asked me.
I nodded.
"Just behind the barracks," I replied.
"Then lead the way."

****************************************************

Jay set Katie down on her feet as she rubbed her weary eyes, roused from her slumber. Taking her little hand in his, Jay pulled down the handle and opened the door to the barracks.
"Hold it right there!"
The voice was female, and obviously frightened, but the sudden cry still made him jump.
"Isabelle?"
Jay's heart pounded as he recognised the lovely face of the girl standing in front of them.
"How do you know my name?" she asked, her green eyes troubled.
"It's ok, Belle," said Mega, moving into view.
"Mega!" the girl exclaimed, recognising the shorter boy's face from her carefree days of horse riding at True Colours. "What are you doing here?"
"We left Blue River, Belle," Mega said, still cradling Ram's sleeping sister. "We couldn't stay, not after.... And Ryan, he had the idea that we should come here."
Isabelle looked around at them all.
"Ryan?" she repeated. "That's the boy in the wheelchair, right?"
Jay nodded.
"I thought so," she continued. "His dad and my dad used to work together. Before..." she trailed off, lost in private reflection.
There was a moment of silence. Jay couldn't take his eyes from her. She seemed even more beautiful that the day he first saw her. But there was a sense of fragility about her now. Jay longed to take her in his arms and make her feel safe.
"Mind if we put these little ones down?" Mega asked.
Belle shook her head.
"No, of course not. There's plenty of room after all."
Mega carried Sorrel to the nearest of the long line of identical beds and laid her gently down. Jay took Katie to the one beside it, and tucked her in.
"So is it just you here?" Jay asked Isabelle.
The girl swept a wave of her chestnut hair behind her ear.
"No," she replied coyly. "There are four of us actually."
"Anyone we know?"
Isabelle thought for a moment, then, wide-eyed, she realised.
"Oh no!" she said, covering her mouth with her hand. "Ryan is with you, isn't he?"
"Yes," replied Mega. "He's just gone with my cousin to sort the horses out."
"Well Raphael is here too."
Jay eyes flashed with concern.
"You mean Raphael, as in Ryan's public enemy number one?"
"I'm afraid so, his dad worked here too."
"Shi!" Jay cursed out loud. "Sorry," he said, directing his apology mostly to Belle. "Excuse my French."
Jay turned to Mega.
"You better go find him," the blonde said quickly. "Before Raphael does and we have world war three on our hands."
"Sure," Mega replied dryly. "Leo couldn't manage to carry him back here anyhow."
"So," Jay turned his attentions back to Belle. "You said there were four of you. Who are the other..."
"Is everything ok in here, Belle?"
The strange voice echoed in the sparsely furnished hall of the barracks. A boy, quite tall, with messily cropped brown hair and vivid green eyes appeared through the door at the other end of the hall. He walked right up to stand beside Belle, looking from face to face at the gathered strangers.
"It's ok, Daniel," Belle said softly. "They're friends."
"You sure," the boy asked, focusing on Jay, the tallest of the group.
"Positive," Belle affirmed. "They came here just like we did, for a safe place to stay. Isn't that right..err.."
"Jay."
Belle smiled, her green eyes twinkling.
"So, Jay," she said sweetly. "And the rest of you. Tell us about yourselves."

**********************************************************

"Hmmm. Houston, we have a problem."
"You don't say!"
Leo stood, hands on hips outside the stable block of the army base, looking up at me, still mounted on Caramelo.
"Don't look at me like that, Ryan!" she said. "It's not my fault."
"I know, I know," I said wearily. "You can't help being a weakling."
Leo rolled her eyes at me.
"Excuse me?"
"Well, you know. You are a girl after all...."
"And it took you how long to figure that one out? What gave it away?"
"...And girls, well, they suck at lifting things."
The girl shook her head in mock disgust.
"Well," she pouted. "If you're going to be like that, I guess I'll just have to leave you up there all night."
I couldn't help winding her up. Despite best efforts, Leo did enjoy a good argument. Anyway, I knew she was just playing. She was always like this with Jay.
"Fear not, help is at hand."
Mega appeared from the shadows.
"No, it's ok," Leo said quickly, taking her cousin's hand. "Ryan's going to stay up there until his attitude changes."
The two began to walk away, but Mega stopped, and turned back to me.
"Raphael is here."
"What?"
"Oh goodie," put in Leo.
This was all I needed.
"Jay sent me to find you, before you ran into each other," Mega explained. "And of course to help with the lifting."
Wordlessly, Mega, with a hand from Leo, helped me down from Cara. Then the pair stood either side of me, wrapping my arms around their shoulders.
"If this is going to become a regular event," said Leo, walking, whilst taking the strain of my weight. "Remind me to make myself scarce."
"I'm not that heavy!" I protested.
"Well at least you're not Blondie," Leo admitted. "God knows how we'd lift him!"

*******************************************************
'Look at the sky tell me what do you see
Just close your eyes and describe it to me
The Heavens are sparkling with starlight tonight
That's what I see through your eyes..'

Ved and Megan sat on the step outside the barracks. The night sky was clear, revealing the sparkle of a million stars scattered across the curtain of black. There was a light breeze upon the air, but it lacked a chill.
"So what do you think of this place?" Ved asked.
Megan shrugged her shoulders.
"It's ok, I guess," she replied quietly.
Ved bit his lip. He had to ask her.
"Megan," he said softly. "Megan, look at me."
The girl raised her head, her green eyes reflecting the moonlight. She'd let her long red hair hang loose, to her waist almost, and it shone a rich gloss.
"What?"
"I have to ask, Megan."
She knew what was coming. She'd kept almost silent the entire way here. She knew he was going to ask, but she wasn't sure if she could bring herself to answer.
"I know."
Ved took her hand gently.
"What happened back there, Megan?" he asked. "Back at the fire. That was no ordinary fear."
Megan raised her eyes to the heavens. How could she answer this? She'd avoided even trying to explain it to herself.
"Please, Megs," Ved breathed. "Please tell me."
The girl took a deep breath, flicking back her russet locks.
"Ved," she began, already feeling her voice quiver. "You know that my parents left me a long, long time ago."
He nodded, waiting for her to continue.
"And that I was in an orphanage...."
He nodded once more.
"Well," Megan swallowed. "I was about six or seven at the time. Things had been quite bad at the orphanage, people vandalising the place and stuff. Well, one night, I woke up, and I could smell smoke. I didn't know where it was coming from at first, but then, I could see it pouring up from underneath the door. So I got out of bed, and opened the door."
Ved listened intently, all the time watching the girls face as she related the event.
"The hall was full of smoke. I could hardly see. I crawled along the floor to the stairs. And then I saw it. The stairs were on fire. The whole downstairs was burning out of control. I ran back, back to my room."
Megan paused for a moment, reliving the moment in her mind's eye. She could see it as clear as anything, smell the burning, taste the smoke in her mouth.
"And I hid under my bed," she said, with a small laugh. "I thought if I hid, the fire couldn't get me. I don't know how long I was there, but I could hear fire engines outside. That's when I got up, and went to the window. And I screamed. I shouted and waved for all I was worth, and they saw me. They told me not to worry, that someone was going to come and get me, and I'd be safe. So I waited."
Ved squeezed her hand reassuringly.
"The orphanage had a second, smaller stairway that led out the back way," Megan explained. "The firemen outside told me to go to the top of those steps and wait for them. So I did. I waited and I waited, and then, I saw them, all kitted up, coming up the stairs to save me."
And then, the tears came, rolling down her cheeks in great floods. Ved took her gently in his arms and held her, stoking her hair, until the streams began to slow.
"They were so close," Megan sobbed, closing her eyes. "I could almost have reached out and touched them. But," she held her head in her hands. "It wasn't to be."
Ved could feel tears prickling his own eyes. His heart bled for the poor, tortured girl sitting beside him.
"The stairs just gave way," she said softly. "They just crumbled away from beneath us. As we started to fall, I saw the fear in the first fireman's eyes. It all seemed to happen in slow motion. God knows how I didn't get hurt. But those two guys did. I knew they were dead just by looking at them. And I knew they were dead because of me. So I just ran, ran for the door as fast as I could, into the night."
"Oh, Megan," murmured Ved. "If I'd known, I have made you stay with Ryan and Reshef that night."
"It's ok," the girl sniffed. "Maybe, if I'd stayed, justice could have been done."
"Justice?"
"Two people died in a fire to save me. They died because of me," Megan implored. "So maybe, if I'd helped look, I might have died, trying to save Leo."
Ved took her by the shoulders.
"Megan," he said firmly. "It wasn't your fault. Those firemen, it was their job. They put their lives on the line every day for other people. They knew the risks. They had more courage than most people on this earth. They died heroes, Megan. They gave their lives for you. And they did it because they wanted to."
"You're right," she said quietly. "I wish I could say thank you to them."
"I'm sure they already know you're thankful," Ved told her.

'I see the Heavens each time that you smile
I hear your heartbeat just go on for miles
And suddenly I know why life is worthwhile
That's what I see through your eyes...'

"Can I see you smile now, Megs?" Ved asked her. "Just a little one. For me?"
Megan looked at him, so like his brother, but then, so different too. She sighed, and a soft smile appeared on her lips.
"That's my girl," Ved grinned.
"Your girl?" Megan repeated. "Since when have I been your girl."
Ved blinked his eyes, gazing steadily into hers. He moved closer to her.
"Maybe," he said, touching her cheek. "Maybe since I did this."
And he leant in, and softly pressed his lips against hers in a tender kiss, as the stars watched silently on.

' Here in the night I see the sun
Here in the dark our two hearts are one
It's out of our hands we can't stop what we have begun
And love just took me by surprise
Looking through your eyes.'

"So this where your Dad use to work?"
I nodded.
"It's pretty cool."
"I used to love coming here when I was little," I said, remembering. "I used to get so excited when he'd bring me and David here to see all his inventions."
"What about when you were older?" asked Leo, sitting on the desk.
I shook my head.
"He stopped bothering after a while," I told her. "Well, with me, at least. He still brought David. But not me."
"I'm sorry, Ryan," the deSilva girl said.
"Hey, it's not your fault I was never good enough for my Dad," I replied. "He never gave a damn."
Leo hopped down from the desk and walked to the chair I was sitting on, putting an arm around me.
"I'm sure he did," she said. "Deep down."
"No," I said sadly. "I really don't think he did."
Leo walked around the workshop. It was full of clutter, blueprints, nuts and bolts, screws, metal. The girl, however, was drawn to a large object covered with a tarpaulin.
"What's this?" she asked.
I shrugged my shoulders.
"Beats me."
Leo regarded it for a moment, then, slid the cover off, onto the floor.
"Its......black," she said, looking at the contraption curiously.
She reached out and touched it, then jumped back as it shot a few feet forward with a screech of its wheels.
"Woah!"
"What did you do to it?" I asked.
"Nothing!" Leo protested. "I just touched this ball thingy here."
She pointed to the part of the creation.
"Oh my god," I gasped, as the penny dropped.
"You know what it is?" Leo asked.
I nodded.
"Well don't sit on it, spill!"
"It's a wheelchair."
Leo furrowed her brow and returned her hazel eyes to the contraption.
"You sure about that?"
I nodded again.
"On the side of it," I said. "That bit that looks like a handle. Pull it."
"It's not gonna eat me is it?"
"No I don't think it's hungry right now."
Leo rolled her eyes.
"Okay," she agreed. "But if it bites my hand off or something I'm taking one of yours as compensation."
Leo pulled the handle. The side of the machine opened out, like a small door, revealing just what I'd expected. Inside, was a seat, leather covered, and the front of the thing was hollowed out, a space for the sitter's legs to go.
"Well knock me down with a feather," Leo remarked. "It is a wheelchair."
She looked at me seriously for a moment.
"He must have made this for you, Ryan."
"I know."
"You see," she said brightly. "He did care. He just wasn't so good at showing it I guess."
I looked at my father's invention.
"Well I found that one out a bit late," I said grimly. "He's gone now."
"Then be thankful," Leo said, a little harshly. "At least you had him until the last. You had fifteen, nearly sixteen years with him. I had my mother for eleven."
It was the first time I'd ever heard her mention her mother. I'd never liked to ask about Eulalia deSilva. All I knew was that she was dead.
"What happened to your Mum?" I asked softly.
"She got cancer," came the hurt reply. "And she died. And everything changed."
Leo came back to me, and sat on the chair next to me.
"We were so happy, Ryan," she said wistfully. "So, so happy. All of us. All five of us."
"Four?" I queried. Leo, her dad and her mother, that was only three.
"Oh," she said quietly. "Another skeleton fresh from the bottomless deSilva closet here for you: I wasn't an only child. I had a sister, a twin sister."
This confession stunned me. Two of them?
"And what happened to her?"
"I don't know," Leo answered ruefully. "After Mum died, everything was a mess. She stayed in her room all the time, she wouldn't eat. Then one day, I went up there, and knocked; no answer. So I went in. But she was already gone. She ran away. All she left us was a note saying she couldn't stand being in the house any longer, and that she was sorry. I've never seen her since."
"Do you think she's still alive?"
Leo nodded sadly.
"Somewhere," she said. "I'm sure of it. She's my twin. A part of me. If she'd died, I'd have felt it, Ryan. I know I would have. She's out there."
I put my arm round her, memories of last night still fresh in my mind.
"What was her name?"
"Serafina. Serafina Rose deSilva."
The mention of the name 'Rose' reminded me of the name on Joseph's grave. I had to ask.
"Your dad," I said, not knowing quite how to ask. "His surname wasn't deSilva. Was it?"
Leo shook her head.
"Is..I mean, was he not you real dad?"
"He was my real dad," Leo replied insistently. "Just, him and my Mum never got married."
"Why?"
"She didn't believe in it. She said she didn't need some to wear a big, puffy dress and go to a church, to sign a bit of paper to show she loved Dad. She knew he loved her, and he knew she loved him. That was all that mattered to them."
"Your mum sounds like an amazing woman."
"She was," Leo answered, a smile forming on her lips. "You want to see her?"
I nodded. Carefully, Leo took the ornate locket she wore about her neck in her hands. It was beautiful, a heart shape, covered in glittering purple amethyst, but down the centre, formed by twinkling white diamonds, was a slither of lightning. Leo pulled gently, and the locket opened. She raised it closer, and I saw the photograph inside.
The face that stared back at me was that of a woman, in her late thirties, but with a mature, refined beauty. This was the face that Leo's had been copied from. The likeness was almost unnerving. The same ebony hair, the same sun-kissed golden skin. But it was the eyes that drew me in. The light that shone in Eulalia deSilva's hazel eyes burned in the expressive orbs of her daughter. The passion, the fire, the spirit, this was its source. It was as if, as her mother's life energy had not faded and died away, but been lit anew in her child. The phoenix from the ashes.
"She's beautiful," I whispered.
Leo said nothing, but closed the locket shut.
"That's all I have left of her," she said closing her eyes briefly. "So I keep it close to my heart. No one can take that away from me."
"You know I'm not going to leave you," I suddenly heard myself speak.
Leo smiled, and reached out to touch my hair, gently.
"I know, Ryan," she said.
"And I hope you're not intending to leave me anytime soon?"
"Well," she said, her eyes sparkling. "Not until I get a better offer. Like, you can either stay here with your pal Ryan, or you can go on a world cruise. Then I'd have to go I'm afraid!"
I cuffed her on the shoulder playfully.
"Thanks!"
"Your welcome."
"But seriously," I said my eyes imploring. "You're not going anywhere are you?"
Leo's eyes gazed into mine.
"No one knows what the future holds, Ryan," she said, her voice almost a whisper. "No one can prepare for what fate has in store. Maybe, it's my destiny to stay, but if it's not, and life decides to take me away from you, then, that's how it's meant to be. So I'm not going to promise that I'll never go, but I promise I'll always be with you, even if you can't see me."
She laid her head on my shoulder, her hair silky against my skin.
"That's good enough for me," I whispered in her ear. "Always is a long, long time."

Chapter 14: You Are

"5, 4, 3....!"chanted the countdown.
I looked quickly around at the expectant crowd.
"....2...1...!"
I flipped the switch, and, just as I'd hoped and worked for, the darkened room was illuminated. Light bulb after light bulb flickered to life, spreading its golden glow, until everything was switched on. The CD player down beside me began to blare out some happy song I didn't know. I smiled. I'd done it!

It's been almost two months since the night we first arrived, exhausted and seeking sanctuary. It seems like five minutes. It took time to adjust, to settle in and work things out, but everything is finally falling into place.
Jay is our unofficial leader, it happened naturally. It was him that asked me if Ved, Reshef and I could fix the electricity generator. He knows what he's doing, and we're lucky to have him. Everybody loves Jay, especially Isabelle.
The two of them are inseparable, totally devoted to one another. So in love. Occasionally, I look at them and feel the tiniest bit jealous, not of who they have, but of what they have. What I wouldn't give to have that kind of relationship with Leo, to tell her I love her, and hear her say it back.
She's found her place here, too. She's been helping Jay an awful lot. He often comes looking for her advice and guidance. It was his idea that we give ourselves a name, a name for our future, our family, our tribe. And Leo duly gave us one, one we can aspire to, and something reflective of our military home. We are the Desert Roses. We have fought and lost against the virus, but out of the dust, we shall grow and blossom anew. We can be something good, something beautiful.

'I keep on fallin'
In and outta love
With you
Sometimes I love ya
Sometimes you make me blue
Sometimes I feel good
At times I feel used
Lovin' you darlin'
Makes me so confused.'

"Leo!"
The girl looked up. She had indeed blossomed these past few months. The sparkle in her eyes was more vibrant than ever, her skin aglow, and her hair, pinned up at the back of her head, the ends fanning out dramatically, shone like a raven's wing.
"Is there a problem, officer?"she said cheekily.
Jay laughed.
"Do you ever stop?"
Leo shook her head.
"Nope. I'm afraid you're stuck with me!"
Jay sat down on the bed next to her, in the little room, once an office, that Leo had adopted as her own.
"I take it you wish to consult the oracle,"Leo continued impishly, with a wink. "Then cross my palm with silver, Blondie, and fire away."
Jay looked at her, and then around at the room, the walls adorned with photographs.
"Well?"
"It's nothing to do with the tribe,"Jay began. "It's about me and Belle."
Leo's eyes flickered with concern.
"Nothing's happened has it Jay?"she asked.
"Oh no,"Jay assured her. "It's just......I really, really love her Leo."
"Doesn't take a genius to work that one out, Blondie,"Leo remarked.
"I think,"Jay continued. "I think she's the girl I want to marry, Leo."
"Wow!"the girl gasped. "You don't hang around, do you?"
"You think it's too soon?"Jay asked worriedly. "I know we're young. I really need your advice on this one Leo."
The girl took Jay's hand, even his tanned skin appeared pale in comparison to the rich honey-gold of her complexion.
"Ok, Jay,"she said, using his real name for once. "This is what I think...."

*********************************************

"I saw him heading off towards Leo's room about ten minutes ago, Belle,"Ved told the girl, his arm around Megan. "Try there."
Belle nodded.
"Thanks Ved."
As she walked down the corridor, Belle felt a churning in the pit of her stomach. He spends so much time with that girl, she thought. Almost more than with me. And he always asks her advice on everything.
Isabelle sighed. She'd never imagined in her wildest dreams that a guy like Jay could ever fall in love with her. But he had, or at least, she thought he had.
Belle turned the corner. Leo's room was just a few steps further down. She could hear no voices, though. Frowning, she took a faltering step forward, and peered into the room. Her breath caught in her throat at what she saw; Jay and Leo, sitting on her bed, wrapped in a tight embrace. Feeling a lump come to her throat, Belle turned on her heel. She couldn't look at them, at him. How could he?
She only got a little way back, before she could go no further. In despair, she sank to the ground against the wall, head in hands as she wept. How could he?

********************************************

"I can't believe it!"gushed Leo. "You two are going to be so happy together!"
Jay pulled back from the congratulatory hug, grinning.
"I hope so,"he breathed. "But like you said, I'm going to wait a few weeks before I ask her."
"Your secret is safe with me, Blondie,"Leo replied with a conspiratorial wink. "But I shall search for a nice hat on the quiet."
Jay got up.
"I wish you all the best,"Leo told him sincerely. "You two were made for each other."
"But what about you?"
"I'm really sorry, Jay, but you're just not my type!"
Jay shook his head, laughing at her. She never missed a trick this one.
"I meant,"he said slowly. "When are you intending on following suit?"
"You mean get married?"Leo asked. "God, Jay! I don't even have a boyfriend!"
"Oh come on, Leo!"Jay said. "You and Ryan?"
"There is no 'Me and Ryan,'"she replied curtly. "We're just friends."
Jay sighed.
"Whatever you say."
"Ok,"Leo said, rolling her eyes at him. "You've had your advice, now get out of here!"
She shooed him playfully towards the door.
"Just one thing,"Jay said as he reached the doorway.
"Yes?"
"If I'm not your type, then what is?"
Leo shoved him out the door.
"That, my dear friend, Blondie, is for me to know!"

*************************************************

"Belle! Belle what's wrong?"
Isabelle looked up through her tears, trying to focus on the figure standing over her.
"Danny?"she said weakly. "Is that you?"
Daniel Oliver bent down to her, taking her trembling hand in his.
"Yes, it's me,"he said softly. "Come on Belle, you can't sit down here."
Belle allowed him to help her up from the cold floor, still sobbing freely.
"Oh Danny!"
"Come to my room, Belle,"the boy said gently. "Tell me what happened."
Belle nodded meekly, following him the few feet down the corridor to his room. Danny opened the door and ushered her inside, closing it behind them.
A few moments later, Jay passed by, still smiling from his talk with Leo.
"Belle is going to be so surprised,"he said to himself. "Now all I have to do is find a ring."

**************************************************

'Friends we've been for so long
Now true colours are showing
Makes me wanna cry, oh yes it does
Cuz I had to say goodbye

By now I should know
That in time things would change
So it shouldn't be so bad
So why do I feel so sad?'

Leo looked up as she heard the knock at the door.
"Hey, Leo."
It was Efrat, Reshef's girlfriend.
"God, it's like Picadilly Circus in here today!" Leo remarked. "I should start charging!"
"Oh,"Efrat said quietly. "If you're busy, I'll come back later...."
"No, it's fine,"Leo smiled. "Pull up a pew."
Efrat sat down on the bed next to Leo. She was fond of Reshef's girlfriend, thought she could often be rather shy.
"What can I do you for?"Leo asked brightly.
"It's nothing really,"the quiet, wide-eyed brunette began awkwardly.
Leo smiled warmly.
"If it's nothing,"she said gently. "Then why are you here?"
Efrat shrugged her shoulders.
"It's Ryan,"she said abruptly.
"What about him?"
The pretty girl looked uncomfortably at the floor. Leo put her hand on Efrat's shoulder.
"It's ok,"she said encouragingly. "You can tell me."
"He scares me."
Leo's eyes flickered with puzzlement.
"Ryan scares you?"
Efrat nodded.
"Why?"
"I...I don't know,"the girl tried to explain. "It's just this feeling I get from him, like, there's something lurking in him."
"What, like Ryan's some kind of evil genius?"Leo asked dismissively.
"Well, kind of, yeah,"Efrat stumbled. "I just, I have this awful feeling that...."
"That he's going to try and talk over the world?" Leo cut in. "Please. They guy may be a little messed up, after all he's been through. But he has a good heart."
"I know he does, Leo,"Efrat said, trying to explain what she meant. "And I think he could stay good...as long as you're here."
"Meaning?"
"He depends on you. So, so much, Leo,"Efrat gushed. "He adores you. If he lost you, it would destroy him, push him over the edge."
Leo looked at the girl. It was so unlike her to say those kind of things. Ok, she was being honest, but Ryan, evil? That's pushing it.
"So,"Efrat continued softly. "Be careful Leo. Don't hurt him."
"Hurt him how?"
"By not choosing him. He loves you, Leo. You'd have to be a fool not to see that! If you were to be with someone else, it would crush him. He loves you."
"But who else would I choose?"Leo asked quietly. "I love him. I do."
Efrat smiled. The two girls hugged, any hurt feelings forgotten.
Outside the door, Mega leant against the wall, staring up at the ceiling. Silently, a tear rolled down his cheek, and he spoke in a choked whisper.
"But what about me?"he asked himself. "Why don't you love me?"

'How can I adjust
To the way that things are going
It's killing me slowly
Oh I just want it to be how it used to be...'

**************************************************

"How could he, Danny?"Belle wept bitterly. "I thought he loved me."
Daniel held the distraught girl tightly, protectively. He felt angry, angry at Jay, their leader, the one they were supposed to look up to. How could he cheat on Belle? And with Leo? Any fool could see that Ryan was in love with the deSilva girl.
Belle pulled back from Daniel's warm arms, smiling faintly.
"Thank you,"she choked. "Thank you for being here, for listening."
Danny ran his fingers though her chestnut hair fondly.
"You know I'd do anything for you, Belle,"said softly. "I'd never treat you the way Jay has. You're far too special to me."
"Really?"Belle asked.
"Yes, really,"Daniel confirmed. "You're a kind, caring, beautiful girl, Belle. Jay's a fool to let you go."
Belle looked at him. He was a handsome figure. His pale skin contrasted with the dark brown of his short hair and the softness of his gentle emerald eyes. Before she truly knew what she was doing, Belle felt herself leaning into him, closing her eyes. In the brief moment before their lips touched, Belle felt no twinge of guilt, no regret. All she wanted was to taste Daniel's kiss. And she did, over and over, and all that existed was her and him, and the soft press of his lips against hers.

'You cannot hide the way you feel inside I realise
Your actions speak much louder than words
So tell me why, oh

By now I should know
That in time things must change
And I had to leave you behind
So why do I feel so sad
If it couldn't be that bad
Tell me why

So why do I feel so sad?'

Chapter 15: Did You Ever Love Somebody?

"Belle?"
Jay stepped inside their little shared room.
"Jay!"
Isabelle, who had been sitting on the bed, fastening the top button on the cute little pink shirt she was wearing, jumped up as he appeared. Jay smiled.
"I think you might want to sit down for this, sweetheart,"he said with a twinkle in his eyes.
"Jay..I..."
"Sshhh!"
Jay pressed a finger to her lips, silencing her, and gently sitting her back down.
"But Jay!"
"Belle, please,"Jay interrupted. "Let me finish."
He fumbled in the pocket of his jeans for something, then raising his hazel eye's to Belle's, he got down on one knee. Isabelle's eyes widened in sudden realisation.
"I was going to save this for a few weeks time,"he began softly. "But after talking to Leo, hearing her tell me how perfect we are together, I couldn't wait."
He took a deep breath, and took Belle's left hand in his, opening the other to show her something. A ring.
"Will you marry me?"
Belle was dumbstruck and sickened all at once. How could she have believed that Jay would cheat on her? And how could she..... Her thoughts trailed off.
"Belle?"
The expectation and hopefulness in his voice tore at her heart. Yes, she'd messed up. Big time. But she could make him happy this way.
"Yes Jay,"she replied, forcing a smile to her lips. "Yes, I will marry you."

'Did you ever love somebody;
So much that the earth moved;
Did you ever love somebody;
Even though it hurt to....'

Leo sat leaning against one of the apple trees in the small fenced off field. Beside her, Thunderhead grazed contentedly. Just across the way, Binti's little foal, having grown in leaps and bounds these past few months, was trying to goad her mother into racing. Binti, however, was having none of it. Leo smiled at the mare's patience.
"Momma doesn't want to play, huh?"
Leo looked up. It was Mega.
"Apparently not,"she replied. "Sit down, stranger."
Mega did. It was true. They hadn't spent much time together lately. Truth be known, Mega had almost been trying to avoid her.
"Leo,"Mega began. He'd rehearsed this conversation a thousand times in his head, but it wasn't making it any easier.
"Leo, I have something to tell you."
"Sounds serious,"his cousin answered, laying her head playfully on his shoulder. Mega shrugged her roughly off.
"Hey!"she exclaimed. "What crawled up your ass?"
"Leo. I love you."
The girl looked him straight in the eye.
"What?"
"You heard."
Leo looked confused.
"I love you, Leo,"Mega repeated insistently. "And I don't just mean because you're my cousin. I mean I really love you. Like Jay loves Belle...and..like Ryan loves you."
"And like I love Ryan,"Leo whispered softly, her hazel eyes sad.
Mega bit his lip. He could feel the tears welling in his eyes, but was desperate not to let them fall.
"So you don't love me?"he asked, his voice coming out choked.
Leo took his hands in her own, their skin blending with each others.
"Mega,"she said, her eyes locked into his. "You've always been there for me. You've been more than my cousin, you've been my brother, my best friend."
Mega no longer cared about holding back his tears, for Leo had begun to cry.
"Of course I love you,"she wept. "More than you can imagine. If it hadn't been for you, I don't know how I would have got through everything. Mum. Sera."
Her shoulders had started to shake, but she kept her eyes on him.
"But I'm in love with Ryan,"she said with a sigh. "I have to see things through with him."
Mega sniffed loudly. His tears falling freely.
"Then you go,"he said firmly. "Go be with Ryan and be happy, Leo. All I ask is for one thing."
"Anything,"Leo said solemnly. "Just name it."
He looked at her. God, she was so beautiful, even when she was crying.
"One kiss,"he said, the words barely audible. "Just so I know what it might have been like."
Smiling briefly, Leo's golden fingertips brushed a tear from his cheek.
"Anything,"she whispered back.
Stroking her ebony tresses, Mega drew her closer to him, and their lips softly brushed, the taste of their tears on them. He didn't want it to end, as he kissed her deep he felt the longing in every cell of his body for her. The yearning desire to take her in his arms each night and to know every curve and detail of her was overwhelming. Knowing that it couldn't be that way, Mega felt his tears flow faster. Why couldn't this moment last forever?

'Did you ever lay your head down;
On the shoulder of a good friend;
And then had to look away somehow;
Had to hide the way you felt for them.'

I'd gotten the hang of the motorised wheelchair Dad had built for me ages ago. It was a relief to be able to get around without having to push myself the whole way, or rely on someone else to carry me.
I stopped by the window, looking out and laughing at the little foal, Hope, running giddy circles around her mother. I knew Leo often liked to go sit out with the horses, by the apple tree, so I turned my head to look for her. And I found her, but she wasn't alone. She was...
I had to look away. I couldn't bear to watch the girl I loved with all my heart kissing another guy. And Mega? Her cousin for God's sake! It was sick.
I felt a bitter taste in my mouth, biting my lip. Man, it was sick! Twisted!
I had to get away from that sight, run away even, but I could only guide myself towards my room as fast as the wheelchair would allow.
I didn't get very far. I ran, or rather, wheeled, into Jay.
"Ryan!"he said excitedly. "I have some amazing news!"
I tried my best to feign enthusiasm.
"Really?"I said. "What is it?"
Jay was grinning like a cheshire cat.
"Belle has just agreed to be my wife!"
I was genuinely surprised.
"Wow, Jay. Congratulations."
"Thanks,"the blonde replied, putting his hand on my shoulder. "Just don't take too long before you think about following suit. Leo's a great girl. See you later, Ryan."
I watched him go. Happy. Then I left too. I couldn't stand to be there, knowing what was going on outside. My heart ached as the chair trundled down the corridor.

It's not fair. They're all happy. Jay and Belle, Ved and Megan... and Leo and Mega. And I'm the one left out in the cold. How could I have been so stupid as to think she might actually choose me? I wish I was dead.

'If only, I had the guts to feel this way;
If only you'd look at me and want to stay;
If only, I could take you in my arms and say;
I won't go, cos I need you.'

Leo pulled gently away from the kiss. Wordlessly, she got up from the soft, green grass and walked away without looking back. She could feel Mega's eyes on her the whole way.
Mega wiped the tears from his eyes as he watched her go, to be with Ryan, not him. His heart was silently screaming at her to turn back, to change her mind. But she didn't, as he knew she wouldn't.
To his right, the boy realised that Thunderhead, the albino, had stopped grazing and was watching him. Mega smiled. He remembered the day the horse was born. Leo had been so excited. Her parents had promised her the foal before it's birth. His name was chosen with due care, named after an albino horse in one of Leo's favourite stories, one her mother read to her.
The look in the horse's eyes was solemn, as if he knew what had happened. But how could he? How could anyone understand how Leo had broken his heart?

'Nobody wants to be lonely;
Nobody wants to cry;
My body's longing to hold you;
So bad it hurts inside;
Time is precious and it's slipping away
And I've been waiting for you all of my life....'

"Danny, please!"
Belle was desperate. She had to make things right.
"But Belle,"Daniel said. "It wasn't just a kiss, what we did..."
"I know what we did!"Belle cried. "But it was wrong, Danny. Wrong."
The girl was shaking all over. She had to do this.
"I'm going to marry Jay,"Belle said quietly.
Danny's green eyes widened.
"But he cheated on you!"he protested.
"No he didn't,"Belle countered. "I made a mistake."
"Better make that two,"Daniel muttered darkly. "That's what I was right? A mistake?"
Belle felt a tear trickle slowly down her cheek.
"I'm so, so sorry,"she said. "But I love Jay, and I'm going to marry him."
"So what happened..."
"As far as I'm concerned, nothing happened. You understand?"
"Sure,"Daniel mumbled. "I hope you're very happy together."
"We will be,"Belle replied calmly, making to leave. "So long as you don't say anything. Not to Jay. Not to anyone."

***********************************************

"Hey, Ryan!"
I tried to ignore the voice. It was the last thing I needed.
"Not going to be polite?"
The voice was dripping with feigned disappointment. I turned the chair slowly around.
"Hey, Raphael,"I forced out, then saw the figure standing beside him. "Hey, Tiffani."
The girl giggled and planted a kiss on Raphael's cheek. They were an item now.
"Where's your girl then?"Raphael asked mockingly.
I swallowed hard.
"Probably off making web-toed babies with her geeky cousin!"Tiffani cackled. "Huh, Ryan?"
I bit my lip.
"I could have spared you that sight, babe,"Tiffani added, her green eyes glinting.
"What do you mean?"
Raphael knew.
"She should have burned, man!"the red-haired guy said. "Her, her cousin and all those nags. The should have been toast!"
"You!"I gasped, my voice shaking. "You started that fire!"
I gripped the armrests of the chair tightly. The bastard.
"No,"Raphael said simply.
"That was me."
My eyes flickered to her. Tiffani folded her arms satisfied, waiting for a response.
"You? But why?"
I couldn't believe this.
"The bitch deserved it,"Tiffani blurted out. "She took what was mine. She should have burned."
"Amen to that, babe,"Raphael agreed. "No girl makes a fool of me."
I felt my breathing get harder and faster. I saw red. They could have killed her! Tiffani had wanted Leo dead. I fumbled in my pocket, pulling out something I hadn't shown to anyone. A weapon, a laser weapon, devised by my father. I raised it to Raphael's eye level.
"Get out!"I hissed.
"Excuse me?"
"You heard me,"I bellowed. "Get out and don't come back!"
Raphael shook his head and laughed.
"I don't think so."
"Fine,"I replied. "You either go now, or pay the price."
"Now this I have to see,"the jerk drawled. "Do your worst cripple boy!"
Our eyes met. I saw the look in his eyes. He knew I was serious. He saw it, but he didn't move. I pressed the button on the zapper. The laser beam shot out like a flash, just as I knew it would. He didn't even have time to cry out before he was struck down. Dead. Tiffani screamed.
"Oh my God!"she shrieked.
"Go!"I growled. "Now. Unless you want to join him."
The girl was trembling with fear, but I felt no sympathy. She took to her heels and fled, leaving me alone.
And so I sat, just sat staring at the lifeless form of my greatest enemy. Defeated. I was paralysed. I could take my eyes from the sight.
What had I done?

'Nobody wants to be lonely;
So why don't you let me love you?'

Chapter 16: And Who Would Have Thought...It Figures..

'An old man, turned ninety eight;
He won the lottery, and died the next day;
It's a black fly, in your Chardonnay;
It's a death row pardon, two minutes too late....'

Belle wiped the damp of the sweat from her forehead. She could still feel her stomach churning uneasily. She'd only drunk a few glasses of champagne last night at the little engagement party the others had thrown for her and Jay, but this morning she'd never felt so bad in all her life. She was getting married tomorrow, almost three weeks since Jay had proposed. It was fast, but Belle knew he was the one.
I can't possibly have anything left to throw up, she thought as she swept her hair, slicked with sweat, away from her face. But her stomach began to heave once more, with a vengeance, as a fresh wave of nausea hit her. God, she thought. What is wrong with me?

*************************************************

"She's going to look so gorgeous in this,"Leo beamed proudly.
Efrat agreed wholeheartedly. Rinna threaded a length of silver cotton on a needle thoughtfully.
The three girls stood back, admiring their handiwork. Belle's wedding dress hung on the makeshift dummy they'd put together. It was almost finished.
"Fit for a queen,"Efrat pronounced, tidying away some odd bits of sheer, white fabric.
Rinna sighed.
"She's so lucky,"the younger girl said. "To have found a guy who really loves her."
Leo nodded.
"Her and Jay were made for each other,"the raven-haired girl added.
Rinna smiled faintly.
"Yeah,"she agreed wistfully. "I wish I could find someone like that. Or at least, I wish I knew whether your cousin's into me or not."
She looked at Leo who raised an eyebrow.
"You like Mega?"
Rinna shrugged her shoulders.
"What's not to like?"she asked. "He's sweet, and gorgeous to boot. It must run in you family."
The deSilva girl shifted uncomfortably. The memory of Mega's confession and the kiss they'd shared was still fresh in her mind. She'd tried to forget it, but at the mere mention of him, those thoughts resurfaced anew.
"If you say so,"Leo muttered.
Efrat rolled her eyes.
"If you like Mega,"she said, directing her attention to Jay's younger sister. "You should just tell him."
"That's easy for you to say,"Rinna replied. "You already have a boyfriend."
Efrat smiled.
"Then maybe his cousin could do some digging for you. Huh Leo?"
"What?"Leo jerked back from her thoughts.
"Maybe you could see what Mega thinks of Rinna,"Efrat repeated. "See if there's a chance for the two of them?"
"I don't know..."Leo began. "I don't even know if he'd tell me something like that...he's..."
Efrat cut in.
"Oh come on, girl!"the brunette said. "He's your cousin. God, he's practically your brother! He'd tell you anything."
Leo bit her lip.
"Ok then,"she replied meekly. "I'll try."
"Atta girl!"

************************************************

'And isn't it ironic....don't you think?"

"There you are!"
Leo turned her head quickly, her long ponytail flicking the air. It was Jay.
"What do you want?"
Jay pulled a hurt expression.
"Leo, I'm hurt!"he exclaimed. "What make you think I want something? Can't I just be glad to see my favourite deSilva girl?"
Leo smiled.
"I guess,"she said. "Now really,"she added with a wink. "What is it you're after?"
Jay laughed. She knew him too well.
"A little birdie tells me,"he began. "That you're something of a songbird yourself."
"Remind me to go out and personally shoot that birdie," Leo quipped. "Carry on."
Jay ran a hand through his hair.
"Well, I was, well, Belle and I, were wondering if you would sing for us at the wedding."
Leo's hazel eyes sparkled.
"You got it,"she answered without hesitation. "Any requests? Or do I get to pick the tunes?"
"I'll let you have pretty much a free rein,"Jay said. "But I have one particular request."
"I'm all ears."

************************************************

At last something good has happened here for once. Not that anyone else knows. Why should they care? They're all to wrapped up in their own little dramas to bother much with me.
They said it might happen, but I didn't believe them. I didn't believe that I could have that kind of good fortune. It's not much, but to me, it makes a big difference: I have some movement back.
Not a lot. Certainly not enough to be able to walk again, but something. It felt so strange to watch my hip moving, and to be able to feel it.
The doctors said that it was possible. That once the swelling and inflamation had gone down and had time to settle, that I might regain the feeling in my legs to the top of my thigh. I didn't notice it was happening, until I realised my backside was aching from so much sitting down! Such a simple thing, but it means so much. But there's noone to share it with. No Leo. Not anymore.

**********************************************

'It's like rain, on your wedding day;
It's a free ride, when you've already paid;
It's the good advice, that you just didn't take;
And who would have thought, it figures.'

"Hey, Ryan."
I closed my diary and slipped it back into its drawer.
"Jay,"I said, seeing the familiar smile. "How are things?"
"Great!"he beamed. "Or at least they will be, once I've asked you a big favour."
"Oh?"I said enquiringly. "Out with it then."
"It's like this,"Jay began earnestly. "Most people have some kind of envolvement in the wedding already. We have the bridesmaids, and Ved's going to be my best man and all. But, well."
"Jay,"I said gently. "Don't beat around the bush. Just say it."
"Belle and I, would be eternally grateful, if you would do the honour of marrying us tomorrow."
"Well, Jay,"I began, a glint in my eye. "I can only marry one of you. I think you'll find bigamy is illegal."
Jay shook his head.
"Very funny,"he said. "But seriously. Will you do it?"
I smiled at him.
"I'd be proud to do it,"I replied sincerely.
Jay grinned.
"Thank you,"he gushed. "It means a lot to me."
"It's the least I can do,"I told him. "After everything we've been through."
"Amen,"Jay said. "We all deserve some happiness."

************************************************

"So what do you think?"
Belle felt her eyes mist with tears as she looked at her reflection in the long mirror. The dress was beautiful.
"Oh, Leo,"she gasped. "It's wonderful."
"I'll just take in the waist that little bit more, and it'll fit perfectly,"the deSilva girl said. "Now about your hair."
Belle couldn't believe that the three girls had managed to make such a beautiful dress with such limited resources. It wasn't the typical 'meringue' style dress, but it was gorgeous none the less. Belle loved it. But her happiness was cut short.
It was still only 9am and Isabelle felt the familiar feeling in the pit of her stomach.
"Belle, are you ok?"Leo asked concerned.
The girl didn't answer, her face pale, as she ran to the sink and vomited into the white basin. Leo put her hand on her back, rubbing it soothingly.
When she was finished, Belle felt the sobs come choking to her throat. Leo stroked the girl's chestnut hair reassuringly.
"It's ok, sweetheart,"she soothed. "It's probably just all the excitement."
But Belle shook her head bitterly. She knew. She couldn't lie to herself anymore.
"I've been sick all morning, Leo,"the girl wept. "And yesterday."
Leo understood.
"Your pregnant,"she said softly.
Belle just nodded and cried, her head in her hands.
"Why the tears, honey?"Leo asked. "I'm sure Jay will be over the moon."
Belle raised her white, drawn face to Leo's.
"I'm sure he would,"she croaked feebly. "If it was his baby."
Leo was confused. She took the girl gently by the shoulders.
"What do you mean?"
Isabelle could hardly look the other girl in the eye. This was all such a mess. But she had to tell someone.
"I've never slept with Jay,"she began. "He's not the father."
"But then,"Leo asked, aghast. "Who is?"
"I made a mistake, Leo!"Belle wailed in despair. "I thought, I thought Jay was cheating on me."
"Why on earth would you think that?"Leo asked astonished. "He adores you!"
Belle looked guiltily into Leo's hazel eyes.
"I saw you two hugging, you've spent so much time together, and I just thought..."
"That Jay was cheating on you with me?"Leo finished. "Belle you know I love Ryan. And you're my friend...I could never..."
"I know, I know,"Belle wept. "I jumped to a conclusion, and now I'm paying for it."
Belle sat down heavily on the floor, and Leo lowered herself down beside the distraught girl.
"Danny was so sweet to me,"the girl remembered. "He made me feel like at least someone wanted me, cared about me, even if Jay didn't."
Leo listened as Belle told the story.
"I didn't plan it. It just happened. And before I knew it, he was kissing me..."
Leo began to weep along with Belle, lost in the pain of her own haunting memories.
"And then we were..."
Belle couldn't finish. But she didn't have to. Leo knew.
"I can't marry Jay and have Danny's baby, Leo!"Belle cried. "What am I going to do?"
Leo didn't answer, just held her tight as the girl sobbed her heart out. Leo wept too, for all that had happened. For regrets. For what might have been, and for what might yet still be. She wept for Belle and for Jay. For Mega and for Ryan. For all those she'd loved and lost. And for herself.

'Well life has a funny way of sneaking up on you;
When you think everything's okay and everything's going right;
And life has a funny way of helping you out;
When you think everything's gone wrong and everything blows up in your
Face.'

Chapter 17: 'I'll Be That Fool For You.'

'My love, there's only you in my life;
The only thing that's bright;
My first love, you're every breath that I take;
You're every step I make;
And I....I....;
I want to share;
All my love with you;
No one else will do.....'

"You look like a princess."
Belle glanced back at Leo in the mirror.
"Thanks."
Leo smiled, gently arranging the veil across Isabelle's delicate face. Her dress looked stunning. It was the traditional white, but with a twist. Efrat had donated a simple white shift dress, which they'd cut so it now sat across one shoulder on the diagonal. To the hem of the dress, they'd sewn a long skirt of sheer fabric, slit up one side. The same white cloth had been used to make long, flowing sleeves, cut away at the shoulders. On the strap and at the hem, they'd added delicate silver flowers Rinna had discovered in a drawer. A similar bloom adorned Belle's chestnut tresses, her waves pinned up elegantly. She couldn't have wished for better. Except for maybe her parents to be there, for her father to give her away...
"And now for something old,"Efrat announced, pressing something into Belle's hand.
It was a delicate silver charm bracelet.
"Oh, Efrat,"Belle murmured. "It's beautiful."
The younger girl beamed.
"And your dress can be something new,"she added.
"And you borrowed those white boots from me!"Rinna reminded her. "All you need now is something blue."
"That'd be where I come in,"Leo piped up.
Belle looked at her. Leo had been so, so good to her, especially the past few days. How could she have doubted her loyalty?
"Is this blue enough?"
She held up a necklace, a silver chain, with a tear-drop shaped sapphire pendant.
"Wow!"Isabelle gasped, as Leo fastened the jewel about her neck. "It's gorgeous."
"It was my mother's,"Leo explained softly. "She wore it the day she first met my Dad. She always said it brought her good luck."
"Thank you,"the bride-to-be said gratefully. "All of you. For everything you've done for me. I can't tell you how much it means."
She felt a tear welling.
"Hey you!"Rinna warned playfully. "No crying! That mascara's gotta last you know!"
Belle laughed. Sorrel took her hand gently. The two youngest girl were to be bridesmaids as well, much to their delight.
"Belle gonna marry Blondie!"the little girl proclaimed gleefully.
Isabelle giggled and gave Ryan's sister a hug.
"She got that one from you, huh?"she asked Leo.
"Guilty as charged."
The bride bobbed down.
"Well, Sorrel,"she said. "We'd best be off to the church, hadn't we?"
Sorrel nodded.
"You gonna go get married,"she repeated. "And live happily ever after."

************************************************

'And your eyes;
Your eyes, your eyes;
They tell me how much you care;
Oh yes...;
You will always be;
My endless love.'

"Very classy, Jay."
The tall blonde straightened the pale blue tie he was wearing.
"You sure, Ryan?"
I smiled at his nerves.
"Would I lie to you?"I asked.
Jay laughed.
"I guess not!"
Ved smirked.
"Hey, bro!"he chirped. "Before you ask, no, your butt does not look big in this!"
Jay rolled his eyes at his younger sibling, and best man.
"Thanks, Ved,"he replied dryly. "But can we save the 'embarrass-the-hell-outta-Jay' part for after the wedding?"
"Sure thing,"Ved answered. "You won't believe the dirt I got on him, boys!"
I laughed out loud.
"We should get going now, guys,"I reminded them. "You don't wanna keep Belle waiting."
Jay turned away from the mirror and took a deep breath.
"Well guys,"he said. "Let's do it."

*******************************************

The army base's chapel wasn't particularly spectacular, but the girls had outdone themselves. Freshly picked flowers and banners were all around, bright and colourful.
Most people were already seated. On one side of the aisle, sat Reshef and Efrat, with Megan next to them. Daniel sat alone on the other side. Jay and Ved stood side by side at the very front, just to the right of the altar.
I watched, waiting for Belle and the girls to appear at the door. And then, there they were. I raised my hands for quiet. Then, as Sorrel and Katie, in identical little lilac dresses, holding hands, silver flowers braided into their hair, walked down the aisle, Mega struck up a tune on the piano in the corner. Jay had chosen this song I knew. I could hear the words in my head.

'Two hearts, two hearts that beat as one;
Our lives have just begun;
Forever, I'll hold you close in my arms;
I can't resist your charms;
And love, oh love;
I'll be a fool, for you, I'm sure;
You know I don't mind.....'

"Leo,"Belle whispered urgently. "I just want to say..."
The other girl held up her hand to quiet her.
"It's your choice now, Belle,"Leo said softly. "I'm not going to judge you, I never do. But you have to take whatever comes. Do what you think is right."
Belle took a deep breath, waiting to start her walk. This had to be the right thing to do.....

'Cause you, you mean the world to me;
I know, I know;
I've found in you;
My endless love.'

Jay turned his head to see her. A vision in white. Breathtaking. She'd never looked lovlier. Behind his bride, he caught a glimpse of Leo and Rinna.
As Isabelle reached the end of the aisle, she flashed Jay a glowing smile. He took her hand and gently kissed her skin, before they both turned to face Ryan and to promise themselves to one another.

**********************************************

'Oh love, I'll be that fool, for you;
I'm sure;
You know I don't mind;
And yes, you'll be the only one....'

"I now pronounce you husband and wife,"I announced, beaming at the happy couple. "You may kiss the bride."
A round of applause echoed around the chapel as Jay drew Belle close to him and brushed his lips against hers.
I glanced at the gathering. Efrat and Reshef were sat arm in am, smiling, as too were Ved and Megan. Little Sorrel and Katie clapped for all they were worth, giggling happily.
And then, I looked at her. Leo was crying, but smiling too. She raised her glistening hazel eyes to mine and her smile widened. I felt a twinge in my heart. Did she think I didn't know? I looked away. I couldn't bear it.
"What are you all waiting for?"Jay cried out. "We have a party to throw!"

********************************************

"I couldn't eat another bite!"Ved sighed contentedly. "That was a feast if ever there was one."
Jay got to his feet, and the room fell silent.
"I just want to say thank you,"the groom began sincerely. "For everything you've all done, to make this day so special for Belle and I, it's been amazing."
There were murmurs of approval.
"But I have a few very special thank yous,"Jay continued. "To Ryan, for doing the great honour of making us husband and wife, and to the girl's who slaved over Belle's gorgeous dress."
There was applause.
"And I'd also like to thank Leo, for giving the best advice. If hadn't spoken to her, this day might not have happened."
Leo blushed coyly.
"And without further ado,"Jay continued. "Before people start throwing stuff, I would like to commence the evening's music. Leo?"
Leo got to her feet and glided over to the little stage that had been set up at the front of the former army mess hall. I watched her. She looked beautiful. Her ebony tresses were worn half pinned up, half down, spilling down to her waist. She was wearing an elegant, yet simple lilac dress, slit a little on one side, straps cris-crossing over her smooth, tanned back. She adjusted the microphone.
"This one is for the bride and groom,"she said grinning. "But also, for all you lovebirds in the audience!"
She nodded to Efrat who pressed play on the music system. And Leo began to sing, like an angel.

'Everybody's looking for that something;
One thing that makes it all complete;
You'll find it in the strangest places;
Places you never knew it could be.....'

Everyone was spellbound as they listened to her voice as it rang out clear. Belle and Jay were dancing. Leo looked over towards me as the began the next verse.

'Some find in the face of their children;
Some find it in their lover's eyes...'

Her eyes met mine.

'Who can deny the joy it brings;
When you've found that special thing;
You're flying without wings....'

She was looking to Reshef and Efrat now.

'Some find it sharing every morning;
Some in the solitary night;
You'll find it in the words of others;
A simple line can make you laugh, or cry...'

Then, her eyes moved to Mega.

'You'll find it in the deepest friendships;
The kind you cherish, all your life;
And when you know how much that means;
You've found that special thing;
You're flying without wings....'

Her voice grew stronger and more passionate as the ballad build to a crescendo. Her gazed shifted once more, this time, to the dancing couple, Jay and Belle.

'So, impossible as it may seem;
You've got to fight for every dream;
Because who's to know;
Which one you let go;
Would have made you complete...'

Well, for me, it's waking up beside you;
To watch the sunrise on your face;
To know that I can say I love you;
In any given time or place...'

Her eyes were back on Mega now.

'It's the little things that only I know;
Those are the things that make you mine;
And it's like flying without wings;
Cos you're my special thing;
I'm flying without wings....'

And then, those fiery hazel eyes were upon me once more, and I knew I still loved her. Despite everything, nothing could ever change that.

'And you're the place my life begins;
And you'll be where it ends;
I'm flying without wings;
And that's the joy you bring;
I'm flying without wings.........'

As the final quivering note died away, the hall erupted with claps, cheers and whistles. Leo grinned. Belle and Jay had broken apart, Jay clapping loud, Belle wiping away a tear.
"I take it you liked that?"she giggled. "Then let's get this party started!"

*******************************************

Leo laughed out loud as Jay spun her around. Her feet were killing her. She hadn't worn heels in a long time. But what the hell! She was having a great time. She'd danced with practically everyone there. With Sorrel and Katie, Ved, the Danny and now Jay.
"Jay!"she squeaked. "I'm getting dizzy! Stop!"
Jay released her as the fast-paced dance tune came to an end. Jay was laughing hard. He was so happy. Leo couldn't tell him what she knew. Not now....
The next song was a slow number. She didn't have to look far for a partner. Before she quite knew what was happening, Mega had put his arms around her waist.
"You were amazing tonight,"he said as they danced.
Leo smiled and listened to the words of the song.

'I cried a tear;
You wiped it dry;
I was confused;
You cleared my mind;
I sold my soul;
You bought it back for me;
And held the earth;
And gave me dignity;
Somehow you needed me...'

"Thank you,"Leo whispered back to him.
"But why aren't you with Ryan?"her cousin asked.
"I don't know,"she said. "He's been weird lately."

I watched the two of them dance. It hurt. Not just to see them together, but to see him dance with her, knowing that I couldn't, even if she asked me. I didn't want to see any more. I turned the chair around and disappeared out into the darkness, the song echoing in my ears.

'You gave me strength;
To stand alone again;
To face the world;
Out on my own again;
You put me high;
Upon a pedestal;
So high that I could almost see eternity;
You needed me.'

********************************************

Danny gulped the last drop of alcohol from his glass down with gusto. He leaned on the table that was serving as the bar. With venom he slammed the glass down on the table and began to pour himself another.
What's the point, he thought to himself. There's just no point.
He glanced around at the rest of the tribe. Belle and Jay were dancing together again. Danny sneered.
"You bitch,"he spat. "Filthy, lying, bitch."
She used you, he told himself. She used you to make herself feel better when she thought Jay was doing the dirty on her.
"Right,"he said firmly to himself.
Unsteadily, he picked up the refilled glass. God knows how much he already drunk. Awkwardly, he stumbled onto the dancefloor, towards the married couple. Belle noticed him looming. Jay saw him too.
"What do you think of the party, Dan?"Jay asked cheerily, unaware.
Danny narrowed his eyes.
"It's nice,"he said. "Shame the reason for it is a mess."
Jay looked confused. He didn't understand. He didn't know.
"What do you mean?"the blonde demanded.
Belle took Jay's hand, alarmed.
"He's drunk, Jay,"she bleated. "Leave him. Let's dance."
Danny chuckled dryly.
"You'd like that wouldn't you Belle?"he said with an icy grin. "To just leave everything behind you. But you can't Belle. It's wrong."
Jay looked from his bride to his drunken friend in confusion.
"Will someone tell me what is going on here?"Jay demanded forcefully.
Belle looked at Daniel, her eyes wide, begging, pleading with him.
Danny shook his head sadly.
"Your wife here is a slut."
"Excuse me!"
"She got some crazy idea that you were doing the dirty on her with that Spanish chick, and she decided that rather than tell you where to get off, she'd sleep with me."
Jay reeled at the verbal blow.
"Belle,"he said, voice choked. "Is...is this true?"
The girl was weeping.
"Tell me!"Jay roared, grabbing her by the shoulders.
"Is what he says true?"
Belle lifted her eyes, glazed with tears.
"Jay.. I..."
"Don't you dare,"Jay growled. "Don't you fucking dare say it you didn't mean for it to happen!"
Belle was trembling.
"You two-faced whore!"Jay bellowed. "How could you? How could you stand there today in front of everyone, knowing you'd slept with him and not me? Tell me, Belle!"
Everyone was staring. Leo stepped forward, taking Belle's hand.
"Tell him, Belle,"she said softly.
Jay looked at her.
"You knew?"
Leo's hazel eyes met Jay's.
"Yes."
Jay sneered in disgust.
"What about the rest of you?"he roared, turning to them. "Did everybody know except me?"
"Belle,"Leo repeated, squeezing her hand. "Belle, you have to."
"Have to what?"asked Jay, he was seething.
"I have to tell you, Jay,"Belle sobbed, her voice coming out in little gulps. "I have to tell you that I'm...I'm pregnant."
It was the final blow.
Jay just stared at his wife in astonishment.
"I don't believe you,"he said, his voice low. "Not only did you cheat on me, then marry me, but you were pregnant with another guy's child and you weren't going to tell me!"
"Jay...I'm sorry.."
"Sorry?"Jay spat his breathing hard. "I'm the one who's sorry, Belle. Sorry I ever laid eyes on you!"
His eyes bored into her.
"Go on then,"he sneered harshly. "You wanted him? You can have him. You can sleep with him as much as you like and you can have his fucking kid! As long as I don't have to look at either one of you ever again!"
Before anyone could stop him, he'd stormed out, into the darkness.
Ved was first to head after him, scorning the quivering Isabelle. Even Leo left her.

***********************************************

It was a cool, crisp evening. The moonlight lit the darkness with a soft glow. I just sat. Sat and watched the rest of the world go by. I watched the flit of a bird through the trees, listened to the soft hush of the evening breeze and gazed up at the stars in the ebony sky.
And then I heard something. Someone. Someone crying.
I turned. Almost blending completely with the dark of the night sky, I saw Leo.
"Ryan?"she whispered. "Is that you?"
I moved closer to her.
"What's wrong, Leo?"I asked.
She looked at me, despair in her eyes.
"I hurt someone, a good friend,"she blurted. "Because I didn't tell them something."
"Who?"
"Jay."
And out came the whole thing, the whole sad, sorry story. She wept the entire time, pouring out her guilt. I listened. That was what she needed.
"Oh Ryan,"she cried. "What have I done?"
And she was down on her knees, next to me, and I did what anyone would have done. I took the poor girl in my arms and held her tight, just held her as she sobbed her heart out, until the tears no longer came.
She raised her head, still in my arms.
"Why have you been avoiding me, Ryan?"she asked. "I've really needed you."
I sighed.
"I thought,"I began. "I thought you wanted someone else."
She smiled sadly.
"How could you ever think that?"she said, shaking her head. "There's no one else, Ryan,"she murmured, raising a hand to stroke my hair. "You're the one I want."
"But...I.."I made to speak, but she pressed a finger to my lips.
"Close your eyes,"she whispered.
I shut them. All I could hear was the rustle of the evening. But I could feel the warmth of her breath on my face. And then, I felt her lips, the softness of them pressing against mine. It was like a dream. But I didn't wake up. She kissed me deeper and I tasted her, and the salt of her spent tears. This was no dream. For the first time, this was truly real....

Chapter 18: Against All Odds

'How can I just let you walk away;
Just let you leave without a trace;
When I stand here taking every breath with you;
You're the only one, who really knew me at all....'

Belle slumped to the floor, as she locked the door behind her. Everything was ruined. Everything. She couldn't cry anymore. She simply had no more tears left to shed. All she could do was hang her head and ask herself why? Why had she been so stupid, so jealous of Jay's friendship with Leo? Why had she gone to Danny, and why had she....?
Shakily, the distraught girl got to her feet, her wedding dress crumpled and tearstained. In her room, their room, she stood in front of the mirror, just as she had the previous morning. And she saw, what she'd seen before: a cheat and a liar. A rat who'd hurt beyond belief the one person she loved the most, now pregnant and alone.

I've been thinking about you, my love;
And all the crazy things that you put me through;
Now I'm coming around, throwing it back to you;
Were you thinking of me when you kissed him;
Could you taste me when you licked his skin;;
All the while I showered you with trust and promises
What I'm needing now is some sweet revenge;
To get back all that I lost then;
I gave you all I had to give, but I could never reach you...'

Jay slumped to the floor, leaning back heavily against the apple tree.
Everything was ruined. Everything. He couldn't cry anymore, or even be angry, he was just numb. All he could do was hang his head in his hands and ask himself why? Why had she done this to him? Why had she doubted his fidelity enough to sleep with Danny, and then pretend she wanted to marry him, when all the time she knew she was pregnant with his baby?
Jay's wedding suit was crumpled and smeared with dirt. He'd walked all night, round and round the base, trying to get his head around the whole sorry mess. How could he not have seen what she was: a cheat and a liar. A rat, pregnant with another guy's child.
With venom, Jay hurled a stone at the fence.
"I hope you're happy," he spat. "You've made your bed, and now you can lie in it."

'How can you just walk away from me;
When all I can do is watch you leave;
'Cause we shared the laughter and the pain;
And even shared the tears;
You're the only one, who really knew me at all...'

"Belle?"
The girl heard the knock at the door. She knew the voice, but it hurt to hear it.
"Go away."
Belle wiped her eyes with a tissue. There were still dark smudges on her face from her mascara. Her hair was lank and scraped messily back from her face, her skin pale and blotchy. She was a wreck.
"Belle, we need to talk."
The girl pulled a thick blue jumper on over her little white vest top. She wanted to scream at him to go away and leave her alone. To tell him that it was all his fault. But she knew he was right. They did need to talk. Unlocking the door and closing her eyes, she spoke.
"Come in, Danny."

*********************************************

"You look beautiful."
"You would say that!"
I smiled.
"But it's true!" I insisted. "I thought so from the minute I first saw you."
Leo looked away shyly.
"Even in my dirty, sweaty old jeans?" she asked. "Wow, that is saying something!"
"And you look just as gorgeous out of them," I replied with a wink.
Leo shook her head.
"Down boy!" she purred with a giggle, getting up, wrapping one of the bedsheets around her.
"Leaving so soon?" I asked, pulling a hurt face.
Leo stuck her tongue out playfully, padding barefoot towards the door.
"I just have to do something," she replied seductively, tossing back her long mane of ebony. "I'll be two minutes."

I watched her go. I still couldn't believe it was really happening. It seemed like some wonderful dream, a fantasy.
I'd been so nervous, that my body would let me down once again. But it hadn't. It was her first time too. We must have both been as nervous as each other, but we took things slowly, and it was worth every second of every day that I'd longed for her. I love her and she loves me.

*************************************************

'So take a look at me now;
Oh there's just an empty space;
And there's nothing left here to remind me;
Just the memory of your face;
Take a look at me now;
'Cause there's just an empty space;
And you coming back to me, is against all odds;
And that's what I've got to face.'

"How long have you known?"
Belle sighed.
"Not long. Not until I started throwing up all morning," she answered quietly.
"Giving you grief already is he, the little tyke?" Danny asked with a short laugh.
Belle stared at him.
"How can you laugh at this, Danny?" she asked, aghast. "I'm having a baby, not with my husband, but with someone I spent just the one night with."
Daniel lowered his green eyes.
"I'm sorry," he said, placing his hand gently on hers. "I never meant for things to turn out like this."
"You and me both," Isabelle murmured. "He doesn't even want to see me again, Danny," she said. "My own husband. But after what I've done, I can't blame him."
"What are you going to do?" he asked, then looked her straight in the eye. "What are we going to do?"
Belle looked confused.
"We?" she repeated.
He nodded.
"It takes two to make a bay," Danny said softly. "I'm not going to let you do this on your own."
A small smile crossed Belle's lips.
"You mean that?"
"Of course I do."
Danny squeezed her hand.
"We have to leave here, Danny," Belle said, her green eyes sad. "I owe it to Jay."
"I know," Daniel replied. "We have to go."

*********************************************

Leo stepped into her room. She pulled the curtains, and the first rays of morning sunlight lit her face with a warm glow.
Still holding the crisp white sheet to her golden skin, Leo breathed in deeply. She could still smell him, on the sheet, in her hair, on her skin. She could still feel with tender whispering caress of his fingertips.
She picked up a pair of jeans and a top from her bed, catching a glimpse as she did so, of herself in the mirror. She bobbed back down again, reaching underneath her bed for something. Her fingers found what they were looking for, as she pulled back her arm. In her hand was a small plastic bottle, the label on it well worn, writing illegible. Sitting on the edge of the bed, she pulled the lid off and turned the bottle upside down. A single pill dropped into the palm of her hand. The very last one.
She paused for the briefest of moments, before placing the tablet into her mouth and washing it down with a sip of water.
There was a knock at the door. Quickly, Leo pulled the sheet tight around her and tossed the empty bottle into the bin as she moved to open the door.
"Jay?"
He looked shattered. Like a ghost. He didn't say anything, just came in and sat on the bed.
"Jay, I'm so sorry..." Leo began, the words tumbling out.
"I know," he said, cutting in. "I don't blame you. You didn't make her sleep with him."
Leo sat next to him.
"How are you feeling?" she asked softly, putting her hand on his shoulder.
"Like a train hit me," he replied, shaking his head. "I wish I'd never met her, Leo. She's screwed me over bigtime."
He thought for a moment.
"No, wait," he added darkly. "Danny was the only one she screwed."
Leo just listened.
"I wish," Jay said, the regret heavy in his voice. "I wish I'd chosen you."
Leo's hazel eyes flashed.
"Huh?"
Jay turned to face her intently.
"You're the most intelligent, kind, funny, sexy girl I've ever met," Jay gushed. "I should have picked you. I should have asked you to marry me, Leo."
He glanced down at her, her slender, bare legs and the curve of her breasts. He ran his fingers through her silky hair and closed his eyes, moving in to kiss her.
"No!"
Leo jumped back.
"No, Jay!"
The blonde covered his face with his hands, reeling.
"Oh, god," he said. "Leo. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have."
"It's ok," she told him. "You've had a rough time of it Jay."
She rubbed his back soothingly.
"But I have something to tell you."
"Oh?"
"Ryan and I. We're together. For real."

Chapter 19 - The Ghost Roads

"Well, well, well!"
Tiffani smiled thinly. Things had certainly gotten interesting while she'd been gone. It'd been a big surprise to see that girl, Belle, the one Jay worshipped so, leaving, hand-in-hand with another guy. Very intriguing.
After that, as she got nearer the base, Tiffani wondered what had become of Jay, after all, with Belle gone, he must surely be back on the market. The girl laughed harshly. It was no fun then, picking up a single guy. Things got much more interesting when they were already attached.
But now, she wasn't so sure of Jay's status. From her hiding place a little way along the corridor, Tiffani could clearly see the handsome tribe leader emerging from Leo's bedroom. The watcher's eyes widened as she witnessed Leo herself, leave the room too, clad in nothing but a white bedsheet. The plot thickens, Tiffani mused. No Ryan, huh girlie? Well, she thought, we shall see.

'Making my way downtown;
Walking fast, faces pass and I'm homebound;
Staring blankly ahead;
Just making my way, making my way;
Through the crowd....'

"You took your time!"
Leo smiled apologetically.
"I'm sorry," she said, settling down next to me. "I ran into Jay."
"How is he?" I asked, concerned for my good friend.
Leo hesitated for a moment.
"As good as can be expected, I guess," she replied sadly. "It might be good if you went to see him."
"Not trying to get rid of me are you?" I asked.
Leo shook her head and kissed me gently on the forehead.
"Of course not," she reassured me. "But we have forever to spend time together. He's your friend, and right now, he needs people who care about him."
"You're right," I acknowledged. "I'll go and see him."
Leo smiled appreciatively, pulling on the jeans she had brought in with her.
"Where are you off to then?"
"Nowhere special," she answered, fastening the button on her jeans. "Just thought I'd go for a ride, give Thunderhead a good run."
She pulled her purple top over her head, dropping the sheet onto the end of the bed.
"I'll see you later," Leo said warmly, leaning over to gently brush her lips against mine.
I looked at her.
"Whatever did I do to deserve you?" I murmured.
Leo shrugged her shoulders.
"Beats me," she replied, tying back her hair. She grinned and winked. "Must've been something pretty damn good!"

'And I need you;
And I miss you;
And now I wonder....'

"The plot thickens!"
Tiffani couldn't believe her luck. First she'd caught Leo with Jay, and now, her she was again, that little Spanish slut, leaving Ryan's room, though she was wearing more clothes now that when she'd first gone in.
There's probably a perfectly innocent explanation, the girl thought. That deSilva girl's too much of a goody-two-shoes to be doing them both. But...if the seeds of doubt are planted, and then watered a little...then maybe....

'If I could fall;
Into the sky;
Do you think time;
Would pass me by;
'Cause you know I'd walk a thousand miles;
If I could just see you....tonight.'

"It's just you and me, buddy," Leo said, running her fingers through Thunderhead's thick, white mane.
And it was. They'd ridden out far into the countryside, across the rolling hills and valleys, the army base a distant blur on the horizon. The horse blew softly through his velvety nostrils, pricking his ears to the breeze. This was what he loved, to run free, with his girl. Leo sighed. Thunderhead was more than just a horse. He was her friend, her partner. He'd been her strength in darker times, when she'd felt like giving up. When all had seemed lost, he'd kept her going. They were one. One heart, one spirit. United.
They'd stopped to allow Leo to catch her breath. Coughing a little, Leo dismounted. She moved to get her water bottle out of the saddlebag, trying to ignore the gasp of her lungs for air. But as she did so, she felt Thunderhead quiver. He'd seen something.
"What is it boy?" Leo asked turning her head.
Then she saw it too. Someone was walking up the hilly path towards them. The figure was tale and lean, male to be sure, though it was shrouded in a thick, black coat.
Thunderhead snorted, dancing on the spot like a skittish colt.
"What's gotten into you, fidget butt?" Leo asked, shaking her head dismissively.
Thunderhead squealed.
The figure was close now, the face and features clearer. Leo saw, and she knew why Thunderhead was so excited. This was no stranger, not by a long shot. Her heart leapt.
"Seth!"
The figure looked up, previously ignorant of the girl's presence.
She knew it was him, it had to be. But he'd gotten so thin. She ran the last few metres between them.
"Seth!" she cried, overjoyed. "Oh my God!"
He looked at her in awe.
"Leo?" he ventured, hardly daring to believe his eyes.
She nodded, and threw her arms around him warmly.
"Where have you been?" she asked.
He smiled, in that funny, lop-sided, half-smile way of his.
"It's a long story."
"Then you have to come back with me and tell me all about it."
"Back where?"
"To my home, my tribe's home," she explained eagerly. "It's not far. Thunderhead will fly us there."
Seth looked relieved.
"Thank goodness," he breathed. "I'm exhausted."
Leo picked up his half-empty rucksack and tied it to her own bag.
"It's...it is...just you, is it?" she asked tentatively, as Seth climbed into the saddle.
He nodded sadly. He'd known she would ask.
"Oh."
"I don't know where she is, Leo," Seth told her. "I wish I did."
Leo leapt up behind him, the tightness in her chest forgotten, spurring her horse back towards the base.
"So do I," she whispered.

'It's always times like these;
When I think of you and wonder;
If you ever think of me;
'Cause everything's so wrong;
And I don't belong;
Living in your precious memories...'

"Morning, Ryan."
I turned my head sharply at the sound of a voice. That voice.
"I thought," I said, my voice low. "I told you to get out and never come back?"
Tiffani swaggered up to me.
"I know," she purred, placing a hand on my shoulder. "But I just couldn't keep away. Not from you, honey."
"Well you're too late," I said, shaking her off roughly. "I'm with Leo now. I'm happy."
Tiffani smiled. This was going to be fun. The truth, with a little embellishment, was all she was going to need.
"Yeah, I guessed," Tiffani said brightly. "But...does Jay know that?"
"Jay?"
"Uh huh, sugar," the girl replied. "Or maybe it was some other tall, blonde, handsome guy I saw leaving her room."
"They're just friends," I said firmly. "Jay's had a bad time of it lately."
Tiffani shrugged her shoulders.
"Maybe," she agreed. "But I don't know many friends who kiss each other. Well, not like that, and not dressed, or undressed rather like that, however bad things had been."
The seeds of doubt....
"Just get lost, Tiffani!" I shouted. "I don't want to listen to your pathetic lies."
The girl shook her head.
"Whatever you say, Ryan," she said, turning to leave. "I'm just trying to stop you from getting hurt."
I watched as she sauntered away. I wanted to dismiss Tiffani's talk. I really did. To forget it all. All the lies. But though I loved Leo, more than anything, a tiny part of me was still unsure. She'd kissed Mega, her own cousin, after all. What made Jay any different?

'And I need you;
And I miss you;
And now I wonder....'

"Wow!"
"Cool, huh?"
Seth nodded quietly.
Leo shut the gate to the paddock, Thunderhead already making his way to Binti and baby, Hope.
"You approve of our humble home then?"
"Absolutely," Seth enthused. "It's fantastic."
Leo grinned.
"Just wait till you meet everyone," the happy girl continued. "Especially Ryan."
Seth raised an eyebrow.
"Do I detect a hint of romance in the air?" he inquired.
Leo nodded.
"Then I can't wait to meet him," Seth replied. "If he's made you this happy, he's got to be great."
Leo handed him his bag.
"He's made me very happy," the raven-haired girl told him. "But so have you. I can't believe it's really you after all this time, Seth. I thought I was dreaming."
The tall guy took her hands in his. He had short, soft mousy blonde hair, and pale blue eyes. His skin was so white against her golden tan.
"It is me, Leo," he said holding her gaze. "And we have a lot of catching up to do. I've missed you."
"Me too," she answered, kissing him on the cheek affectionately, then embracing him once more.
"Another one to add to your list Leo?"
The pair of them jumped and turned to look at me.
"Ryan!"
"Save it for someone who cares, Leo."
Leo looked confused. She let go of Seth.
"I don't understand," she said. "What's this about?"
I looked at her coldly.
"You and Jay," I answered. "Or maybe you ditched Jay already so you could get with this scumbag here instead."
Leo stared in disbelief.
"Ryan, what are you talking about?"
"I know, Leo," I told her, my eyes hard. "I know about Jay being in your room this morning. I know about you and Mega. I saw you kiss him. And now I know about this lowlife here too. I just wish I'd known before last night."
The girl shook her head.
"I don't know who you've been talking too," she began, biting her lip. "But you obviously don't trust me."
"Can you blame me?" I threw back. "You seem to have had your fun with most of the guys round here!"
Leo grabbed the gate and threw it open. Thunderhead heard the noise, and saw his girl, at once heading for her. Picking up her bag, Leo flung it over the stallion's back as he halted at her side, then leapt up in front of it.
"Where are you going?" I demanded. "You can just run away."
Her hazel eyes burned into me.
"Watch me," she spat, spurring Thunderhead on.
Dazed, I looked on as the white horse became a smaller and smaller blur in the distance, carrying his girl far away from me. And I knew, in my heart, that Tiffani's poison had done its work. How could I have believed that snake?
"Come back!" I whispered under my breath. "Please Leo. Come back."

Chapter 20 - 'The Only Dream That Mattered'

'When you love some so deep;
That they become your life;
It's easy to succumb to overwhelming feelings inside;
Blindly I imagined I could keep you under glass;
Now I understand to hold you;
I must open up my hands and watch you rise....'

"She'll come back, Ryan. I know she will."
I gazed with glazed eyes through the misted glass of the window pane.
"How can you say that?" I questioned. "She's been gone nearly a month, Jay. A month. Anything could have happened to her.
Jay lowered his eyes. I knew he didn't really know what to say to me. The blonde looked distantly outside. The sun was just coming up.
"Binti's getting big," he remarked, trying to strike up a conversation.
"Yeah," I replied unenthusiastically. "Leo said she was in foal again."
Jay smiled weakly. It was forced. It was just, that everything, every little detail, no matter how small, or trivial, or irrelevant, it all came back to Leo. She was everything. She was my everything. But I'd driven her away. And all I can do is sit and watch and wait and hope that maybe, just maybe, she might come back.
"Mega will find her, Ryan," Jay said firmly. "He knows her."
That was all I needed to hear. What if he finds her, and she decides she made a mistake. What if she wants him and not me? My mind is a river of unanswered questions. I just want her back.

'Spread your wings and prepare to fly;
For you have become a butterfly;
Oh, fly abandonedly into the sun;
If you should return to me;
We truly were meant to be;
So spread your wings and fly;
Butterfly.'

"So you've come to bring me back?"
Mega nodded.
"We miss you. I miss you," he hesitated for a moment. "Ryan misses you."
Leo's eyes harden.
"Well that's his fault, isn't it," she said bitterly. "Treating me like some common whore."
The girl hugged her knees tightly against the chill of the morning breeze, her ebony mane rippling about her face. A tear glistened in the sunlight upon her golden cheek.
Mega shuffled closer to his cousin and placed a comforting arm around her shoulders.
"He didn't mean what he said, Leo," Mega insisted. "You know what Tiffani's like. She gets inside your head, makes you believe what she wants you to believe."
Leo didn't reply.
"She told him she'd seen you with Jay," her cousin continued. "That he'd seen you kissing...'
"Well we didn't!" the girl shot back. "He tried to, but he was confused, upset. And I stopped him. Besides, unless she's got X-ray vision, she couldn't have seen that. The door was closed."
Mega squeeze her hand.
"You don't have to explain yourself to me, Leo," he murmured. "I'm your cousin, your own flesh and blood. I've never doubted you for a second, and I never will."
The girl smiled at him, and hugged him tightly.
"That's my girl," Mega beamed.
Suddenly, Leo released him. Getting to her feet quickly, she was shaky, unsteady. She could only totter a few steps before she was on her knees, as her stomach heaved.
"Leo?"
Mega was concerned.
"Leo!" he repeated urgently. "Leo, what's wrong? It's not the...?"
"Mega! Relax!" she croaked, sweeping back her hair.
"You're chucking your guts up and I'm supposed to relax?" he questioned.
The girl raised her hazel eyes to his.
"Honestly!" she sighed. "You'd think morning sickness was some kind of a disease!"

'Lovin you, like I never have before;
And needing you, just to open up that door;
And begging you, might somehow turn the tides;
And tell me to, I've gotta get this off my mind....

I never thought I'd be speaking these words;
I never thought I'd need to say;
Another day alone is more than I can take....'

"Your...Your?"
"Pregnant?" Leo finished. "Yes, Mega. I'm pregnant."
The boy gasped.
"Well, I wasn't expecting that one!" he admitted. "I thought that..."
"I know what you thought, Mega," Leo cut in. "But it's not that. I promise you."
Mega looked at his cousin. So beautiful, so kind and honest, and so true. He broke out into a huge grin.
"Oh my God!" he gushed, his eyes shining. "We're going to have a baby!"
Leo laughed out loud.
"Hey, wait up there, buddy," she chuckled. "Firstly, I think I'm the one that's going to be doing most of the work here. And two, what's with the we?"
Mega laughed too.
"That came out kinda wrong didn't it?"
"Yeah."
Mega stroked a strand of Leo's pitch black hair fondly.
"You haven't asked," the girl said quietly.
"Asked what?"
Leo sighed.
"You haven't asked who the father is."
The boy pulled his cousin into another tight embrace.
"Hey!" spluttered Leo, trying to free herself. "The baby and I would like some air!"
Mega looked at her.
"I haven't asked," he said gently. "And I don't need to ask. The baby is Ryan's."
Leo felt tears begin to prickle her eyes, but they were tears of joy. He believed in her.
Getting to her feet, steadier this time, Leo, untied Thunderhead from the nearby tree. Mega raised an eyebrow questioningly.
"What?" Leo said, placing her hand on her stomach, even though there was no sign of a bump yet. "We gotta take this little one home."

'For all I've been blessed with in this life;
There was an emptiness in me;
I was imprisoned by the power of gold;
With one honest touch you set me free...'

"She is getting big, isn't she?"
Jay nodded.
"Hopefully there's just the one in there this time, though!" he remarked.
I smiled.
"Yeah," I agreed. "It was touch and go for a while the night those two were born."
"Shame the other little one didn't have a chance to really live."
It was early afternoon, and Jay and I had retreated to the comforting spot under the apple tree. We'd just sat there, watching Binti, her belly beginning to show her condition, and her bouncy, lively baby, Hope.
"That is one very energetic little filly!"
I turned, to see Seth's lanky frame standing just behind us.
"Sit down," I said.
He obliged, settling next to Jay.
"You know there was never anything between Leo and I," Seth said at once, imploringly. "She's a beautiful girl, don't get me wrong. But it was her sister I loved."
Jay looked confused.
"Leo's twin?" I asked.
Seth nodded.
Jay's eyes widened.
"Two of them?" he said. "God, now there's a scary thought!"
I laughed. A thin smile spread across Seth's pale lips.
"They looked identical," he said. "But personality wise, they were chalk and cheese. Leo is the fiery one, Sera was always the quiet one."
I looked at him.
"Was?"
Seth lowered his eyes.
"I've been looking for her ever since she ran away," he explained. "But I've never even come close to finding her. I think she's dead."
"I hope Leo's safe," I whispered. "Wherever she is."
"I'm right here."
And she was. I could hardly believe my eyes, but it was true. There she was. My beautiful Leo, standing there as if she'd never been gone. Gleefully, she dropped to her knees and hugged me tight. I felt as if my heart were about to burst.
"I'm sorry," I began. "I'm sorry for..."
"Forget it," Leo interrupted. "Forget all we said. It doesn't matter. Not anymore. Not now."
I looked into her eyes.
"I have something to tell you Ryan."
"What?"
I'll never forget the overwhelming joy in her hazel eyes, the pride and passion that seemed to flow from within her.
"I'm pregnant, Ryan," she said her eyes moist with happy tears. "You're going to be a Dad."

'Let the world stop turning;
Let the sun stop burning;
Let them all tell me love's not worth going through;
If it all falls apart;
I will know deep in my heart;
The only dream that mattered had come true;
In this life, I was love by you.'

Chapter 21: Everything I Do

I just can't believe it. I'm going to be a Dad! It's so incredible to think that at this very moment, there's a whole new little life growing inside of Leo. Ok, so there's still seven whole months left to wait, but I'm so excited. The only thing that could possibly make things more complete is to have Leo, the mother of our unborn child, as my wife. What more could I ask for?

'Look into my eyes, you will see;
What you mean to me;
Search your heart, search your soul;
And when you find me there you'll search no more....'

"Hey, Mega."
Leo's cousin looked up at me.
"Hey Ryan," he replied quietly.
Across the field, Thunderhead and Binti grazed contentedly side-by-side, the ebony mare and the albino stallion.
"So how does it feel?" Mega asked, his gaze returning once more to the horses.
"Knowing I'm going to be a Dad, you mean?" I answered. "It's the most amazing feeling in the whole world!"
Mega smiled, then turned back to me.
"Take care of her, Ryan."
I furrowed my brow.
"I mean it," Mega insisted. "That girl has been to hell and back all her life."
I put my hand on Mega's shoulder.
"You've got nothing to worry about," I said imploringly. "I love her more than anything on this earth. I'd do anything for Leo."
The other guy sighed.
"Yeah," he agreed. "I believe you."
Mega's voice was heavy, tinged with the slightest hint of regret.
"If this is about what happened between you and Leo, then..." I began.
"It's not, Ryan," he interrupted firmly. "It's about me wanting Leo to be happy."
I nodded.
"And I'll make her happy, Mega," I said resolutely. "I promise."
Mega raised his hazel eyes to mine once more, eyes just like Leo's. The deSilva blood obviously bred true.
"I know, Ryan," he replied quietly. "I know."
He grinned to himself.
"Besides," he added wryly. "If she was having my kid, it'd probably have two heads or webbed feet!"
I laughed with him.
"Hey, it'd be a champion swimmer, then!" I joked.
"Could be useful!"
It felt good to at last clear the air between us. Mega was as good as a brother to Leo.
"I want to ask her to marry me," I said suddenly.
Mega sighed.
"Then why are you wasting time talking to me?" he asked, smiling broadly. "Go ask her!"

'Don't tell me, it's not worth trying for;
You can't tell me, it's not worth dying for;
You know it's true;
Everything I do;
I do it for you.'

"So you knew Leo before the virus?"
Seth nodded.
"My mum used to keep a few horses at their stable," he explained. "That's how we met."
Megan nodded thoughtfully as she listened to his story.
"She hasn't changed a bit," he added with a smile. "Despite everything shge's been through."
"Her mum died when Leo was young, didn't she?" Megan ventured, brushing a strand of her long, red hair behind her ear. She knew what it was like to lose a parent in the time before the virus all too well. She'd done it twice over.
Seth nodded sadly.
"The girls were eleven years old when Eulalia passed away."
Megan frowned, confused.
"Girls?"
"Leo had, has a twin sister," the newcomer told her. "Serafina," he added wistfully.
"You sound like you miss her," the younger girl remarked.
Seth ran his hand distractedly through his soft, blonde hair.
"I had the biggest crush on Sera," he said. "I followed her around like a lovesick puppy."
"But you never went out with her?"
"I was too shy then," Seth laughed. "And so was she. Sera was always the quiet one."
"And what about now," Megan continued. "Where is she?"
Seth looked at the floor.
"I wish I knew," he said painfully. "She ran away a week after Eulalia passed away. I never saw her since."
Megan saw the pain etched in his face, the memory in his eyes.
"I'm sorry," she said gently, taking his hand and squeezing it reassuringly.
"Ever since," Seth continued. "I've looked for her. Since the virus, it's all I've been doing. But so far, I've found nothing. No one has even seen her, let alone knows where she is."
Megan shifted uncomfortably in her seat.
"Do you think, maybe..?"
"That she's dead?" Seth finished for her. "It's crossed my mind," he admitted. "But Leo swears she's not. She's always insisted that if Sera had died, that she would know, that she would feel it somehow."
Megan smiled softly.
"I guess that's something to hold onto."
"That and my memories," Seth replied. "That's all I have left."

**********************************************

"Hey, Jay."
Jay looked up slowly.
"Leo," he said quietly.
"Mind if I sit?" the girl asked.
Jay shook his head.
"Feel free," he said. "But I'll warn you now I'm not much company."
Leo sat down next to him.
"That's okay," she replied brightly. "I can always liven things up with some pretty impressive vomit fireworks."
Jay shook his head and a small smile crossed his lips.
"That's, erm, disgusting?" he ventured.
Leo pulled a pretend hurt-face.
"Don't blame me!" she said indignantly. "Blame junior in here."
She gestured towards her stomach.
"He giving you trouble?" Jay asked.
"Only if I want to eat anything," Leo answered. "Other than that she's as good as gold."
"She?"
Leo nodded enthusiastically.
"How do you know?"
The girl shrugged her shoulders.
"I don't know," she admitted. "I just do."
Jay smiled thinly. Everyone was so happy right now. Everyone except him.
"Hang in there, Blondie," Leo said, putting her head playfully on his shoulder. "Thing's aren't as bad as they seem."
"I know I should be over her by now," Jay said. "But, it's so hard."
Leo rubbed his back comfortingly.
"No one said it was going to be easy," she told him. "But you have me, and Ryan, and your brother and sisters. Everybody is here for you. We need you."
Jay looked at her.
"What for?"
Leo grinned.
"Well for a start, when junior here decides to make her grand entrance, I need someone big and strong to hold my hand."
"Isn't that normally the father's job?" Jay asked confused.
Leo winked.
"Well, yeah," she admitted, before adding conspiratorially. "But I don't intend on just holding the hand. I intend on squeezing it for all I'm worth. I'll break bones if I have to!"
Jay laughed out loud.
"And I thought you actually like me!"
"It's a very privileged position, I'll have you know!"
"Mind sharing the joke?"
The pair looked up.
"Hey, gorgeous!" Leo purred.
"Leo!" Jay hissed. "Ryan's right there!"
Leo picked up a nearby cushion and battered Jay with it.
"Watch it, Blondie!" she warned, trying to keep a straight face. "I'm no..no..."
The girl swayed as she felt her chest tighten. The pain was sharp and intense. She felt her breath catch in her throat. She saw the concern on the two guys faces. Then she saw no more, as she fainted, collapsing to the floor with a heavy thud. She didn't move. She just lay still.

'Don't tell me it's not worth trying for;
I can't help it, there's nothing I want more;
I would fight for you, I'd lie for you;
Walk the wire for you;
Yeah, I'd die for you......'

Chapter 22: Once Upon A Year Gone By

'Once upon a year gone by;
She saw herself give in;
Every time she closed her eyes;
She saw what could have been...'

"Shouldn't you be in bed?"
Leo smiled, placing her golden fingers to my cheek.
"You worry too much," she replied.
"But Leo," I persisted, concerned. "You fainted."
She tossed her hair, bobbing down to tuck in a stray shoelace.
"You faint too if you'd been throwing up all morning!" she countered. "I'm fine Ryan. Honest. I just need the fresh air."
With a sigh, I relented. It was true. The healthy glow had returned to her face this morning, her smile as sparkling as ever. Besides, I knew I couldn't keep her inside. The outdoors and the open air were in her blood.
"Go on then," I said, taking her hand, drawing her to me so I could kiss her gently.
"You're not coming?" Leo asked. "You haven't ridden in a while."
"I just thought I'd look over the army's computer system today," I told her. "Jay thought it might be a good idea."
"Technos!" the raven-haired girl tutted, rolling her hazel eyes.
"Hey!"
Giggling, Leo kissed me on the forehead, ruffling my hair as she did so.
"I'll see you later then," she said.
"Later."

****************************************

'Well nothing hurts and nothing bleeds;
When covers tucked in tight;
Funny when the bottom drops;
How she forgets to fight...to fight;

And it's one more day in paradise;
One more day in paradise...'

"I'd almost forgotten how beautiful it was out here," Jay sighed contentedly.
Leo stayed quiet. She'd been here recently, when she'd run away. She hadn't forgotten this place.
"So, mum-to-be," Seth began brightly. "How does it feel?"
Leo grinned.
"At this point," she said. "It being before 9am and all, it feels like I have the world's worst food poisoning."
"Interesting analogy there," Seth laughed.
"If you intend on throwing up," Jay added. "Please warn us in advance, and aim that way!"
He pointed behind them.
"What?" Leo asked, pretending to be hurt. "You not gonna hold my hair back for me?"
The tribe leader ran his hand through his hair, the dyed blonde almost completely grown out.
"I would," he told her. "But I probably wouldn't be able to do that and throw up with you. My stomach's none too good with that kind of thing."
"And I'm done with breakfast now," Seth exclaimed, tossing his half-eaten apple over his shoulder. "And getting back to my original question," Leo's old friend continued. "Without mentioning vomit of any shape or form, how does it feel?"
Leo sat thoughtful for a moment. Thunderhead, the reins to his bridle looped round a branch of the tree they were sat under, nuzzled her neck affectionately.
"Weird," she replied at last. "And scary."
The two guys huddled in closer to her, lending their support.
"Weird?" Jay questioned. "In what way?"
The girl hugged her knees tightly, her ebony tresses hanging loose, spilling down her back like a velvet waterfall.
"You remember before the virus," she asked the guys. "Remember how all the time at school, people always asked you what you wanted to be or where you saw yourself in ten years time?"
Jay nodded.
"Yeah," he agreed. "I always used to say, 'football player,' or 'sports coach,'" he reflected.
"But?" said Leo, her hazel eyes upon him.
He looked up at her.
"What do you mean, 'but'?"
"That wasn't what you really wanted to be, was it?"
Jay stared at her and she just looked right back at him. She could see it. She knew.
"I guess it was seeing all the work Mum did at the hospital," he said quietly. "I always thought about becoming a doctor, so I could help people just like she did."
"And then, 'wham!'" Seth carried on. "Along comes this virus, this thing that no doctor in the world could find a cure for in time, and takes everything we ever had away from us. Our dreams, our families, everything."
"The world still needs dreams, Seth," Leo said. "We have to dream for the future. Or else," she placed her hand on her stomach where the tiniest hint of a bump had begun to show. "What hope is there for this little girl?"
"Little girl?" Seth repeated.
Leo nodded.
"But it might be a boy."
The girl shook her head firmly.
"I know, Seth," she said. "I know it's a girl, I just know. And I know exactly what she'll look like."
Jay furrowed his brow.
"I didn't know you were psychic, Leo," he commented.
The girl rolled her eyes.
"Don't mock me, Blondie," she retorted. "For god knows how long, no man has ever been able to cancel out the deSilva genes. Not if the baby is a girl."
"Ah, that old tale," Seth recollected. "deSilva girls always look the same, one after another, like peas in a pod."
Leo nodded triumphantly, then turned back to Jay.
"The world still needs doctors," she said earnestly. "Who says you've got to give up on your dreams?"
Jay looked at the floor.
"How can I learn how to be a doctor, Leo?" he asked. "All the people who could have taught me are all dead. There are no hospitals anymore. No one's making medicine anymore. No ambulances. No paramedics. No nothing."
Leo took Jay's hand firmly.
"I know you've had it rough these past few months," the girl said softly. "But I know you. You have so much to give the world Jay. You have a hope for the future. A dream. You can't give up on that dream now. We need you. You can make a difference, Jay. You can change the future, but only if you believe you can."
The tribe leader smiled.
"Wow," he said quietly. "We are a fighter aren't we?"
Leo gave him a hug.
"I'm still alive aren't I?" she said. "I have to fight Jay. I've never known it any other way. And now, the stakes are even higher. This battles not just for me anymore. I have to fight for Ryan, and for the baby."
Jay stroked her hair.
"Well you don't have to fight alone, Leo," he said solemnly. "You have me, you know that. No matter what."
Leo nodded.
"No matter what."
Seth stretched up his long arms and yawned loudly.
"We should think about heading back now guys," he said glancing up at the sky and the black clouds that were fast gathering. "It looks like we're in for some stormy weather."

************************************

"Go, Thunderhead! Go!"
Jay closed his eyes and clung on to Leo's slender waist as he felt the albino stallion quicken his stride further. They were already racing across the fields at a frightening pace. Not being able to ride himself, Jay was up behind Leo on her horse, but right now he wished his feet were back on solid ground. The wind roared past his cheeks, deafening.
"Whoa!"
Hesitantly, Jay opened his eyes as he felt the horse slow to a trot. They were back at the base. He could see Ryan sitting by the apple tree, obviously waiting for Leo. He waved to the riders as he saw them.
"Hey, Ry.." Leo called out, but was cut short, as she coughed and spluttered.
"You alright?" Jay asked her.
"I'm f..." Leo tried to answer, but the coughing fit continued, louder and chestier than before.
"Leo?"
"It's noth..no..." she sounded like she was suffocating.
"Leo!"
"Jay..I..I ca..." her breath caught in her throat as she struggled to speak.
"Leo!"
She fell.
Jay felt her slipping from the horse's back, and made to grab her. But his unbalanced seat meant he too lost his grip and fell, tumbling to the ground. He landed just beside her on the grass. But he got up. Leo didn't move. Jay could see a think trickle of blood running down her cheek. Ryan was right beside them.
"Leo!" he cried. "Jay what's happened to her?"
The blonde cast his eyes over her frantically.
"I don't know," he replied. "She just.."
Gently, but swiftly, the tribe leader picked up the fallen girl. He could feel her breath on his skin, but it was shallow. Carrying her inside, Jay's mind was racing. Something was seriously wrong with her.
Mega watched Ryan follow Jay into the base. He cast his eyes to the heavens, as the dark clouds began to shed their rain.
Not now, he pleaded. Please, not when we're this happy....

Chapter 23: What Kind of Life Would That Be?

'How do I, get through a night without you;
If I had to live without you;
What kind of life would that be?
Oh I, I need you in my arms;
Need you to hold;
You're my world, my heart, my soul.....'

She still wasn't moving. Her breathing seemed to be a little stronger, but in his anxiety to get her inside, Jay couldn't really tell. It might just be his imagination, his hoping.
The room that Ryan and Leo now shared was dark. The curtains were still closed. As Jay stepped inside, his eyes flickered to adjust to the dim light. Gently, as though she were a newborn child, her laid her limp form on the bed. Laying to fingers to her neck, he felt for a pulse. It was racing. Jay just looked at her, one of his best friends, lying there unconscious. What's wrong with you, Leo, he asked himself. You're ill. I know you are. But why? What can we do? What can I do?
Feeling tears begin to prickle the back of his hazel eyes, the tribe leader brushed Leo's silky black hair back from her face.
"Come on, Leo," he said to her, not knowing whether she could hear him or not. "You're strong. You're the strongest one here. You have to get better Leo. For Ryan, for your baby, for Mega, for everyone. I may be the leader of this tribe, but you are the heart and soul of it. We can't do this without you."
"Jay."
The blonde turned to the door. It was Efrat. She smiled faintly at him, placing the bowl of water and cloth she was carrying on the bedside table, walking to the window to open the curtains. The girl's eyes rested on Leo.
"She doesn't look so good, does she?" the brunette asked quietly.
Jay swallowed the lump in his throat, shaking his head.
"God damn this wheelchair!"
I vented my frustration as I reached the door.
"How is she?"
"The same," Jay replied softly.
Mega followed closed behind.
"What are you doing?" he asked.
Jay looked confused.
"Don't lie her down, you idiot!" Leo's cousin spat.
"Why not?"
"Trust me," Mega said firmly, his brown eyes blazing. "After a fall like that," he added, sensing everyone's curious gaze upon him. "We shouldn't let her sleep. Not if she hit her head."
I manoeuvred myself to the bedside, touching Leo's arm.
"Leo," I said gently. "It's time to wake up now."
As I heard myself say those words, I remembered the time I last heard them said that way. When I woke up in that hospital. When my mother told me I was paralysed. But what if Leo doesn't wake up?
I watched her face for a sign of her awakening, for the slightest twitch. It seemed like an eternity passed, but to my overwhelming relief, I saw her eyelids flutter open, eyes adjusting to the sunlight, flickering to focus.
"I need to sit up," she croaked.
With Jay's assistance, she pulled herself slowly up to sit leaning heavily against the wall.
The pallor in her face was all too apparent. She looked ill. She looked so weak and fragile. Like a ghost. But this was Leo, the strong one. Leonora deSilva was never weak. She was a fighter.
"I better go check on Thunderhead," she muttered feebly, attempting to rise.
"Leo," Jay cut in firmly. "You're ill. You know that as well as I do. You have to let us take care of you now. You need to rest. You need to get better."
The girl raised her hazel eyes to him. In the sunlight streaming in through the window, he could see they were glistening. Jay couldn't be sure, but at that moment, in those usually so fiery eyes, there seemed to be a silent apology. I'm sorry those hazel orbs seemed to say.
"We'll leave you and Leo alone," Efrat said, breaking into the uneasy silence, directing her intent towards me.
"No," Leo croaked.
I looked at her.
"What do you mean, no?" I asked. I couldn't understand why she didn't want to be alone with me.
"I have to speak to Mega for a moment," the deSilva girl continued. "Just for a minute. Please?"
I nodded. It was what she wanted. Right then, the way she was, I wanted to respect her decisions.
"I'll be outside if you need me," I told her.
Her lips formed a soft smile, and her golden fingers squeezed my hand reassuringly.
"Thank you, Ryan."

'If you ever leave;
Baby you would take away everything;
Real in my life;
And tell me now...'

"What do you think, Jay?"
The tall blonde looked me in the eye, his expression troubled.
"It's pretty bad, whatever it is," he replied. "At a guess, I'd have to go with pneumonia. The coughing fits, the breathlessness. But I'm not a doctor, Ryan. I could be wrong."
"But if it is pneumonia," I continued. "What can we do?"
Jay took a deep breath.
"She would need antibiotics, and the right kind," he explained. "But I have no idea where we would get them, nor what one to give her if we found any."
I watched his face.
"So you're telling me it's hopeless?" I asked.
"That's not what I'm saying at all," Jay replied insistently. "I'm saying we've got a tough time ahead of us. We have to act now."
I thought for a moment. He was right.
"Then someone has to go and find the medicine she needs."
Jay nodded.
"You don't have to ask me, Ryan," he said resolutely. "I'll go. And I'll take Ved with me."
"Then she's counting on you, Blondie," I said solemnly. "We all are."

***************************************
**

"Hey you."
Leo reached out a hand to her cousin. Mega took it gently.
"It's started, hasn't it?" he asked quietly.
She nodded. Mega closed his eyes.
"Why now, Leo?"
"You know why, Mega," she replied, a sad smile etched on her elegant features. "It's how it has to be now."
"But it was so close before the virus," the boy sighed. "Just a few more weeks, and things might have been..."
"You can't change the past, Morgan," Leo interrupted quietly. "What's done is done."
"And what will be will be, right?"
"You know the answer to that, Morgan," she whispered. "You're the only one who does."

'How do I live without you;
I want to know;
How do I breathe without you;
If you ever go;
How do I ever, ever survive;
How do I, how do I;
Oh how do I live?'

Chapter 24: '..And If I Woke Up In Heaven.'

'If I woke up tomorrow;
And my eyes couldn't see;
In the darkness there'd be beauty;
Of the love you've shown to me...'

"Jay?"
The blonde tribe leader was jolted from his thoughts by the voice of his younger sibling.
"What is it Ved?"
The youngest Sanderson brother looked to Jay's solemn face.
"Do you think we stand a chance?"
"A chance of what?"
Ved sighed. Jay had had such a rough time these past few months. It was painfully clear, despite his attempts to put on a brave face, Leo's illness was the final nail in the coffin.
"Of saving her, Jay," the blue-eyed brother asked. "We don't even know what's wrong with her."
"No, we don't," Jay replied quietly. "But that doesn't mean we should just give up on her. She wouldn't give up on us."
Ved lowered his eyes.
"She's pregnant, Ved," Jay continued with conviction. "And Ryan depends on her."
"I know," his brother agreed. "If we lost her, it would destroy him."
"It would destroy everyone," Jay corrected.
Ved managed a small smile. His gaze met that of his brother.
"We can't let her die, Jay," he said as they continued along the path to the city. "We just can't."

'Cos I've loved longer and wider;
Deeper and higher;
'Cos I've been loved;
More than anyone deserves...'

"How is she?"
Seth's troubled, drawn features answered the question themselves.
"No better," he replied with a heavy sigh. "She's just so weak and tired," he explained. "And the coughing is getting worse."
Megan put a hand on the tall, lanky blonde's shoulder.
"She's strong, Seth," the red-head told him with more conviction than she really felt. "She can beat this."
Seth's mournful blue eyes lifted to hers.
"I hope you're right," he said quietly.
Megan nodded.
"God help her," she said softly.
Seth shook his head.
"How can you still believe there is a God?" he asked in a daze. "After everything we've all been through?"
The girl shrugged her shoulders.
"I don't believe anymore," Seth said firmly. "How could an almighty, merciful God leave us on our own?"
Megan got up.
"I think I'll go look in on Ryan and Leo," she said. "See if they need anything."
Seth watched her go.
"What they need is a miracle."

'If tomorrow for some reason;
Somehow I could not hear;
In the silence there'd be music;
Of a love that's always here...'

The young girl hesitated as she reached the doorway of Leo's room. Peering in, she could make out the deSilva girl asleep in the bed, and Ryan, by her side, holding her hand, a tear trickling silently down his cheek.
Megan turned away, a lump in her throat that just would not go away. Seth's right, she thought to herself as the tears began to rain. What God could sit by and let this destroy them?

******************************************

The city outskirts were deserted. The streets were strewn with litter and rubble. Fire burnt still. It was like a ghost town.
"I guess nobody's home," Ved remarked quietly. "Where to now, bro?"
"To the hospital," Jay said resolutely. "It's not too far now."
"If it's still there, that is."

******************************************

"Megan?"
The girl wiped the tears from her green eyes.
"I just," she began, her voice wavering. "I can't believe this is happening to them."
Seth took the weeping girl in his arms to comfort her.
"I can't either," he said softly. "As if they haven't been to hell and back already."
Megan nodded, pulling back.
"At least they have each other," she said quietly.
Seth wiped a stray tear from her cheek. Then, tentative, hesitant, he tilted his head to her, moving in, closing his eyes...
"No, Seth!"
The girl stepped back sharply.
"I'm..I'm sorry," Seth stuttered, hands over his face. "I shouldn't have tried to..."
"It's ok," Megan replied calmly. "Things are tough right now. But, I love Ved. And I've seen the way mistakes change everything. Belle had to learn that the hard way."
"I heard about her," the boy said thoughtfully. "I wonder where she ended up?"

***************************************


"This was a hospital?" Ved asked wide-eyed.
Jay nodded sadly.
"Once," he said. "Now it's just another ruin."
As the two brothers picked their way carefully through the rubble within the old hospital building, Jay couldn't believe it was the same place their mother had been proud to work in.
A door up ahead was ajar. The tribe leader peered in, then shut his eyes and wished he hadn't. Beyond the door, had once been the maternity unit. In the first bed, he'd seen the remains of a new mother, the almost skeletal frame of her tiny baby in the crib beside her. Dead.
"Hey, Jay!" Ved called. "I think we might have something here."
Jay drew himself up away from the door and headed up the corridor.
"Looks like a store cupboard in here," Ved explained. "You think..."
"Sssh!"
Jay bade his brother be quiet.
"There's someone else here," the tall blonde whispered. "I heard them."
"Where?"
Jay eyes were drawn to where the corridor turned the corner.
"Just around the turn," he said in a hushed voice.
"How many?"
"Just the one. I'm sure of it."
Ved looked up at his brother.
"Well, there's two of us."
Jay understood.
"We know you're there!" he said in a deep, commanding tone. "Come out and show yourselves."
They waited. Nothing.
"Are you sure you weren't just..." Ved began, but his words cut to silence as a figure emerged from the shadows.
It was a girl. A pregnant girl.
Jay gasped.
"Belle?"

*************************************
"Where's Danny?" Ved asked, his eyes cold.
The girl raised her tired gaze to the brothers.
"He's dead," she said, no trace of emotion in her voice. "He left me months ago, then got himself killed."
"By who?"
"The Locos," Belle replied. "By their leader, to be precise. Zoot killed him in the city centre, for all to see. An example."
"Zoot?"
The brunette placed a hand on her swollen stomach.
"This city isn't safe, Jay," she said. "Not anymore. We...you've been lucky, out in the countryside. Here, the Locos rule over everyone. They steal, they destroy, the kill. And Zoot, he reigns supreme. Fear rules this city, Jay. Fear and power and chaos."
The elder brother took a deep breath.
"Then I can't let you stay here," he said solemnly. "You have to come back with us."
Jay's mind was filled with the haunting image of the dead mother and baby. He couldn't let that be Belle, even after all she'd put him through.
Belle stared at him in disbelief. Had he forgotten what she'd done to him? Ved shook his head disapprovingly.
"We should get what we came for," he said bluntly. "Then get out of here."
Jay turned back to the store room, heaving the stiff door open. Inside, were row upon row of bottles. Jay's eyes roved over the names on the labels. He took four bottles from a shelf low down.
"These are all antibiotics," he said assuredly. "But I don't know which is the right one."
"Why do you need them?" Isabelle asked softly.
"Leo's ill," Jay replied quietly. "Very ill."
"Oh."
Belle could say nothing more to that. Leo had been so good to her, when she'd least deserved it.
"Now can we get going?" Ved asked impatiently. "Before we get to meet with the infamous Zoot?"
Jay nodded, then turned to the girl.
"Well?" he said. "Are you coming or not?"

'And if I woke up in heaven;
And I could not feel your touch;
Then I'd want to be you angel;
And I'd love you just as much;

'Cos I've been loved;
More than anyone deserves.'

Chapter 25: 'If Tomorrow Never Comes...'

"Ved!"
Megan cried out his name happily as the young boy's impish face appeared in the doorway. Joyfully, the two enjoyed a warm embrace as they were reunited. Seth looked on, resigned. Rinna got up from her seat next to Mega to hug her little brother gladly.
Jay's tall frame loomed in the doorway, and he received a chorus of greetings. But he hesitated. Ved saw the uncertainty in his brother's eyes.
"What's done is done, bro," he said quietly.
With a tentative shift, the tribe leader moved to one side, allowing the heavily pregnant girl to come into view. There were wide-eyes and gasps.
"What is she doing here?"
Rinna's voice rang out cold. Jay looked to his sister.
"I couldn't let her stay," he explained. "The city...it's a warzone. It wasn't safe."
"But you left her bit on the side there," the Sanderson girl retorted. "Unless you've got Danny hidden in your bag or something!"
"Danny's dead."
Belle's voice was abrupt and devoid of emotion.
"I'm going to see Leo."
The rest of the tribe looked on as the girl, her pregnant belly swollen, made her way with difficulty to Leo's room.
"So did you bring back medicine?" Rinna asked curtly. "Or did you just bring back a slut?"
Jay's hazel eyes blinked.
"I brought back the antibiotics," he said slowly. "And I brought back someone who should never have left."

****************************************

"Leo's pregnant?"
I nodded.
"Wow."
"It's not that amazing, is it?" I asked Belle.
The brunette shook her head.
"No," she replied. "It's just, it's like a new beginning, Ryan. New hope. We have something to build a future for."
I smiled faintly.
Hope for the future.... But what if everything we've built comes crashing down around us? What then?

******************************************
Ved's eyes scanned the computer screen intently.
"Anything?"
The blonde sighed, shaking his head sadly.
"Maybe the medical files are saved on disk," he said. "But there's nothing on here."
"What about the other computers?" the redhead asked, perched on the edge of the desk, legs swinging distractedly. "Maybe they're on one of those?"
Ved shook his head again.
"'Fraid not," he explained. "They're all connected to the same internal network. They all have the same programs and share the same files."
Megan ran her fingers through her silky, straight tresses, wracking her brains for an idea.
"Maybe they're protected, like by a password or something?" the young girl ventured. "They wouldn't have wanted just anybody to be able to look at those kinds of document."
Ved smiled faintly.
"It's a thought," he said. "We'll just have to keep trying. For Leo."

*****************************************

"Hey."
Her voice was croaky and barely above a whisper, but the sound of it still managed to comfort me somehow.
"The sleeping beauty has awoken," Jay said with a smile. "Glad you could join us."
"Always a pleasure, Blondie," the ill girl retorted.
Jay grinned. She still didn't miss a trick this one.
"Have I missed much?" Leo asked, looking up at the three male faces gathered by her bedside.
"Nothing important," Mega replied gently. "Nothing more important than you getting better, anyway."
"You guys!" the girl beamed. "You worry too..too..."
A pained expression flashed across the deSilva girl's elegant features.
"Leo?" I asked, concerned. "What's wrong?"
"It's noth..nothi.." the girl's teeth were clenched, her hands on her stomach.
"Leo?"
Jay's voice was anxious, but it's authority rang through as Leo tried to answer him.
"I think," Leo gasped. "I think it's the, the baby..Jay...I..."
No more words left her lips, but a piercing scream ripped through the hearts of those present like an ice-cold dagger.
And then I saw, and I knew. The sheets of the bed, a pristine, crisp white, began to stain scarlet.
"Oh God!"
She was screaming so loudly now, tears torrenting down her golden cheeks, doubled up in agony. I wanted to go to her, to comfort her, but I just couldn't. The sight of the blood and our hope for the future seeping away burnt deep. I turned my chair, and turned away.
"Ryan!" Mega called out after me.
But I didn't look back. I couldn't look back. The blood....
Jay was at her side. He took her hand in his and held it tight, though tears were brimming in his hazel eyes.
"Jay!" Leo sobbed. "Jay..my baby....my baby..."
"It's okay, Leo," the blonde murmured in her ear. "I'm right here."
And she slumped into his open arms, her body wracked with sorrow as she wept for the little lost soul.
"Oh Jay!" she choked. "My baby...I've lost my baby."

******************************************

"Ryan? What are you doing here?"
I manoeuvred myself to the nearest computer, switching it on, tears pricking my eyes like a thousand needles.
"You should be with Leo," Megan said kindly.
"We can handle this," Ved told me earnestly. "You go back to Leo. She's ill, and carrying your child, Ryan."
"Not anymore."
The words were abrupt.
"Huh?"
"There is no baby," I spat angrily. "Not anymore."
"Oh Ryan," Megan gushed. "I'm so.."
"Sorry?" I finished bluntly for her. "Well sorry isn't going to bring that baby back, and it's not going to save Leo either."
I scanned the computer screen desperately. There has to be something here that can save her. There has to be...

******************************************

Jay leant back heavily against the wall. Why, he asked himself. Why have things ended up like this? With a deep sigh, he peered around into Leo's room. The curtains were drawn and it was dark, but through the doorway, in the quiet, he could hear her. She was singing.

"Sometimes late at night;
I've laid awake and watched them sleeping;
They're lost in peaceful dreams, so I turn out the light;
And lay there in the dark.
And the thought has crossed my mind;
When I never wake, in the morning;
Will they ever doubt, the way I felt about them in my heart..."

Jay knew the song. It was an old one. But he knew that those weren't the original words.

"When tomorrow never comes;
Will they know how much I loved them;
I think I tried in every way, to show them every day;
That they're the special ones.
And when my time on earth is though;
And they must face this world without me;
I hope the love I gave them in the past;
Is gonna be enough to last;
For when tomorrow never comes."

Jay's glistening hazel eyes closed as the final note faded.
"No!" he pleaded, his voice a choked whisper. "Please, no!"

Chapter 26: 'I Hate to Wake You Up to Say Goodbye."

"You know what you have to do, Leo."
Mega's voice was strained. This was all so hard.
The girl closed her fiery hazel orbs gently, a single tear glistening on her cheek.
"I know," she whispered. "But how can I tell him, Mega?" she asked in despair. "How can I find the words to..." her voice trailed of as she began to cough once more.
"If you love him," her cousin replied, wiping away Leo's tears. "You'll find a way."

'I hear the clock, it's 6am;
I feel so far from where I've been;
Got my eggs and pancakes too;
Got my maple syrup, everything but you;
Break the yolks, make a smiley face;
I kinda like it in my brand new place;
I wipe the spots off the mirror;
Don't leave the keys in the door;
Never put wet towels on the floor anymore;
'Cause....'

"How is she?"
Jay sighed.
"Devastated."
"And Ryan?"
Jay shook his head.
"He couldn't ever bear to stay. Not when..." he broke off, remembering. "He's just completely distraught. He doesn't want to lose her too."
Belle nodded sadly.
"I don't think he slept at all last night," she said ruefully.
"How do you know?" Jay asked quizzically.
The brunette sighed.
"Well, this little bundle of trouble," she began warmly, hand on her belly. "Is practising for the world kick-boxing championships, so he's not exactly letting me get much sleep," she told Jay with a smile. "I got up to go for a walk in the middle of the night, and he was still sitting in front of the computer."
A faint smile traced its way across Jay's lips.
"You said 'he.'"
Belle's green eyes glanced up at him.
"Yeah," she said. "I did."
"But you don't know that," Jay countered. "It could be a girl."
Belle shook her head confidently.
"It's definitely a boy," she answered. "I know Jay. I just do."
"So did Leo," Mega said sadly, approaching the two former lovers.
Jay nodded.
"A little girl," Jay recalled.
Mega rubbed his tired eyes underneath his glasses.
"What's that you have there?" Isabelle asked curiously, indicating a flat object the boy held in his left hand.
"History," he replied.

******************************************

'Dreams last so long;
Even after you're gone;
I know you still love me;
And soon you will see;
You were meant for me;
And I was meant for you.'

"Ryan?"
At the sound of that voice, so fragile, I turned my head, to see her standing there.
"You should be in bed," I said. "After...yesterday.."
I couldn't say it. The words would make it all too real.
"I have to tell you something, Ryan," Leo said, her words insistent, urgent. "But...I, I don't know how."
I reached out my arms to her, and she came to me. I placed both hands on her face, paler, but still so beautiful.
"Just say what you have to, Leo," I whispered. "I love you."
She closed her eyes.
"I know what's wrong with me."
I looked up at her, my expression a mixture of pain and disbelief.
"You what?"
"I've always know," Leo continued, taking my hands, squeezing them tight.
"Then what is it?" I asked. "And what can we do?"
Her eyes met mine.
"Before the virus," she began, taking a deep breath. "A few months before I met you, I got really ill."
I watched her struggling with each word.
"I got taken to hospital," she continued. "And they did loads of tests. The doctors told me I had a condition called dilated cardiomiopathy."
"That's a heart condition, isn't it?"
She nodded.
"But they got you better again, didn't they," I said, an uneasy feeling rising in my stomach. "Didn't they?"
Leo's eyes were solemn.
"It's not that simple, Ryan."

*********************************************

'I could stay awake, just to hear you breathing;
Watch you smile while you are sleeping;
While you're far away and dreaming;
I could spend my life, in this sweet surrender;
I could stay lost in this moment, forever;
Every moment spent with you is a moment I treasure...'

"This," Mega said, a soft smile on his lips. "Is the only photograph of the last generations of deSilva women."
He lifted the framed image to the light.
"Wow," Belle gasped in awe. "They could all be the same person."
It was true.
Jay's eyes traced the picture slowly. There were five female seated figures in total. In the very centre, was the eldest, a refined lady in her late 60s or early 70s. Though her hair was as white as snow, she had golden skin, and deep set, hazel eyes.
"Liliana deSilva," Mega said. "My grandmother."
Either side of the elderly woman, where two females, both in their late 30s. The could have been identical twins, but for the tiny white scar on the cheek of one, and the shorter hairstyle of the other.
"My mum, Selina," Mega told them, pointing to the woman on the left with the mid-length black tresses. "And Eulalia, Leo's mother," he indicated the other, the one with the scar.
The remaining two face in the photograph where much younger, no more than ten years old. One of the girls sat on Eulalia's lap, smiling gaily up at her. The other sat perched on the knee of Liliana deSilva, her head laid on her shoulder, ebony mane mingling with snow white. This child's eyes looked straight at the camera, fiery orbs of hazel brown.
"That's Leo, isn't it?" Jay asked, knowing full well the answer.
Mega nodded.
"And the other is her twin, Serafina."
Jay couldn't take his eyes from the intense gaze of the Leo in the photograph.
"Three generations," Mega said heavily. "Leo's the last."
"But Serafina," Jay protested. "They never found her, did they? She might not be dead."
"No," the dark-skinned boy admitted. "But let's be realistic. After the virus, after everything, what are the chances of her still being alive?"
Belle traced the glass of the picture frame delicately.
"Leo's the last," she whispered softly.
A tear came to her eye as a thought crossed her mind.
"If Leo dies, this photograph will be nothing but a memory..."

***********************************************

"What do you mean?" I asked.
I was beginning to feel scared now.
"The doctors gave me a lot of medication to control the condition," Leo explained. "But it wasn't working well enough."
Her hands in mine felt so cold. She was trembling.
"They put me on a waiting list," the deSilva girl continued. "For a heart transplant."
I couldn't believe what I was hearing. This was the Leo who was always so strong, so fit and athletic. How could she possibly have been so ill?
"And?"
"And I waited," the girl said. "And waited, and waited...and then..then the virus came..."
Her voice had begun to choke.
"I never got the transplant. After all, after the virus, there was no one who could give me a new heart. No one who knew how. The medication I had left ran out weeks ago."
I swallowed hard, my eyes locked into hers.
"Leo?" I asked, my voice wavering. "What...what are you saying?"
"I'm saying I'm sorry," she gulped, silent tears beginning to fall. "But there is nothing you, or anyone else can do, Ryan. I'm going to die."

'I don't wanna close my eyes;
I don't wanna fall asleep;
'Cos I'd miss you babe;
And I don't wanna miss a thing;
'Cos even when I dream of you;
The sweetest dream would never do;
I'd still miss you babe;
And I don't wanna miss a thing....'

Chapter 27: Remember Me

'It must have been cold there in my shadow;
To never have sunlight on your face;
You were content to let me shine;
You always walked a step behind...'

"Hey, my boy!"
It was early. The sun was only just beginning to rise upon another day. The horse whinnied. Here she was, at last his girl.
Leo rubbed his handsome face, smiling as the albino stallion sniffed and nuzzled her affectionately.
"I wish we could run across the valley one last time, Thunderhead," the girl whispered softly. "A part of me wants to just ride away with the wind. But I can't do that. Not to Ryan, nor everyone else. Not now."
The horse laid his head against her cheek.
"I'm so sorry I have to leave you," Leo choked, her tears trickling onto the stallion's snow white coat. "But it's just the way things have to be."
She pulled away, with a heavy, leaden heart.
"Goodbye, my Thunderhead," she whispered tenderly. "Goodbye."

*************************************

'So I was the one with all the glory;
While you were the one with all the strain;
A beautiful face without a name;
A beautiful smile to hide the pain....'

"I thought I might find you two together."
Jay's eyes flickered up at the sound of the voice. Belle smiled warmly.
"You should be in bed, Leo," the tribe leader said hurridly. "You have to rest, take your time to get better."
Leo stepped towards him, her raven tresses spilling down her back, released from their usual braid. Gently, she took the tall blonde's firm, strong hands in hers, raising her hazel eyes to his.
"Jay," she whispered. "All the rest in the world isn't going to save me now."
His brow puckered, and at his throat, he felt the quiver of a lump form. It couldn't be true...
Belle stood dumbstruck, silent. But then, there was nothing she could say, not now.
Jay removed a hand from the Spanish girl's tender grasp, lifting his long fingers to brush a silky tendril of ebony mane from Leo's eyes. A soft, sad smile crossed his lips, though he hadn't felt less like smiling in his life.
"You're dying, aren't you?"
The girl nodded.
Beside them, a loud sob escaped Isabelle's lips, teardrops welling in her sweet emerald eyes. Leo reached out to the pregnant girl who took the proffered hand and clutched it tightly.
"Don't cry for me, Belle," the other girl pleaded. "Don't cry because I'm leaving. Smile for everything we've achieved. For what we've built and fought for."
"But.." the brunette wept desperately. "I'm going to miss you so much...and Ryan..."
"Ssshh."
Leo touched a finger delicately to the girl's soft, pink lips.
"Listen to me Belle. You've got a whole new life growing inside of you. Someone to live for, to fight for. You're going to be a mum."
"I know," Isabelle said, choking back her despair. "But..."
"But nothing."
For a fleeting moment, the frailty and sickness seemed to lift from Leo like a veil, her strength and spirit shinning through.
"Belle. Life goes on," Leo said with conviction, no trace of sadness in her eyes. "And you have to move on with it. Live your life, and your baby's. Hold on to your memories, but don't give up, not when we've come this far."
The two girls exchanged an emotional embrace. As they pulled apart, Leo turned to Jay.
"I want you to take care of her," she said solemnly. "For me."
Jay nodded. Leo smiled at the two of them, then placed her hand on Belle's pregnant belly, bobbing down so her face was level with the bump.
"Hey, you in there," she said softly, addressing the unborn child safe inside Isabelle's womb. "It's going to be time for you to join this world soon."
Belle couldn't help but smile as she listened to her friend talking to her stomach.
"I think you'll like it here," Leo continued. "It's pretty cool."
Jay laughed softly.
"But," Leo took a deep breath. "I might not be here when you arrive, so you'll have to help me out a little."
Only as she spoke her final words to the tiny new life, did the dark beauty's voice begin to waver.
"Take care of your mummy for me," she asked, her fingers still tracing the bump. "Don't give her too many sleepless nights."
Belle giggled.
"Oh," Leo added, a glint in her eye and a cheeky grin on her face. "And there's this guy, his name's Jay, who really deserves to be happy. I reckon, him and your mummy would make a great couple, so if you could work on that one... And make sure you call him 'Blondie' every once in a while, he'll love you for that!"
Rising to stand, the girl sighed.
"I have to go now," she told the pair. "You know how it is, places to go, people to see."
"We'll see you later," Belle said firmly.
Leo nodded.
"Later."

'..Did you ever know that you're my hero;
And everything I would like to be;
I can fly higher than an eagle;
With you as the wind beneath my wings.'

***************************************


"Everyone knows now, Leo," Seth said quietly. "Well, almost everyone."
Leo sat on the edge of her bed, flanked on either side. On her left, was Seth, his lanky frame perched beside his old friend. To her right, holding her hand, was Mega.
"There's no way you can explain to two seven year olds that someone they adore is leaving them," the blonde added, referring to Sorrel and Jay's sister, Katie. "Even after the virus, the words, they just don't come."
"Thank you, Seth," the girl murmured.
The boy's brow furrowed in confusion.
"What for?"
"For not giving up, on Sera I mean," Leo replied. "Most guys would have given her up for dead a long time ago."
Seth laughed dryly.
"Well they say love does strange things to your head," he quipped.
The deSilva girl gave his hand a reassuring squeeze.
"I hope you find her one day, Seth," she said. "You have my blessing."
"I'd rather have you here to see it," the blonde answered her.
"If I could...I would, Seth. Believe me," Leo told him, her eyes insistent. "But this is the way it has to be."
"You mean goodbye?" Mega cut in, staring down at the floor.
Leo put her other arm around his shoulders.
"I prefer to call it.... 'See you later..'" she said, addressing both of them. "It's not goodbye forever."
"It feels like it."
Mega looked at his cousin hard. Her weakness was plain for all to see. She'd gotten thin, and pale. He missed the warm glow she'd always had. That fiesty spark, the fire that was slowly dying away, just like she was.
"You should get some sleep now," Mega added, getting up from the bed. "Come on, Seth."
The other boy moved towards the door, then looked back to the young girl. Leo stuck her tongue out at the pair of them haughtily.
"Don't look at me like that! she exclaimed, an impish glimmer dancing in her eyes. "I'm not intending on popping my clogs just yet!"
Seth laughed, thought the brashness of the joke was not lost on either of them. Mega looked at him meaningfully.
"I sure hope so."

*******************************

He couldn't hold back the tears any longer. His fingertips closed around the small wooden box he carried shook as he began to weep. It just wasn't fair.
Kneeling on the grass, he laid his burden beside him, then took up the small shovel he'd brought with him. The earth under the apple tree was hard, and it took some time before he was satisfied with his digging. Tears fell upon the rich green carpet beneath him as he lifted the box once more and placed it gently into the soil. Pausing to contemplate, his tanned fingers traced the name carved into the lid: Morgana deSilva-Masters. Such was the title Leo had intended for her daughter. The significance of the Christian name was not lost on him. The baby would have been name after him.
Mega wiped the tears from his eyes. Inside the box, he had placed all that remained of the baby his cousin had lost so distressfully: the bloodstained sheet from her bed.
As he covered the box with the dug soil, his heart was heavy.
"It won't be long," he whispered to the earth, and the blood of the infant that had never had the chance to live. "Before we bury her beside you."

Remember me when I am gone away,
Gone far away into the silent land;
When you can no more hold me by the hand,
Nor I half turn to go yet turning stay;
Remember me when no more day by day,
You tell me of our future that you plann'd;
Only remember me, you understand,
It will be late to counsel then or pray;
Yet if you should forget me for a while,
And afterwards remember, do not grieve;
For if the darkness and corruption leave,
A vestige of the thoughts that once I had,
Better by far that you should forget and smile;
Than that you should remember and be sad.

Chapter 29 - And Everywhere I Am, There You'll Be...

"She's not..." Ved hardly dared to say the words as he and Megan paced hurriedly down the corridor. "That's not why she's asked for everyone? Is it?"
The redhead bit her lip. I couldn't be, could it? The thought had indeed crossed her mind, when Mega had appeared and told them Leo wanted everyone to come to her room. But no, the young girl was sure. To die in front of everyone just wouldn't be Leo's way. There was obviously something the deSilva girl wished to say to them all. That was it. At least, Megan hoped so.

***********************************

"So will you do it?"
I watched the expression on Mega's face carefully. At first, there was nothing. But then, his lips twitched and formed a soft smile.
"I'd be honoured," he declared.
And I knew he meant it.

**********************************

'When I look back on these times;
And the dreams we left behind;
I'll be glad 'cause I was blessed to get to have you in my life.
When I look back on these days;
I look and see your face;
You were right there for me...'

Leo's hazel eyes scanned the faces of the gathered tribe at her beside. They were all here. Ved and Megan, hand in hand, as were Reshef and Efrat, standing behind the younger two. At the very foot of her bed, little Sorrel and Katie were perched eagerly gazing up at her. Rinna stood by them, next to Jay, and the heavily pregnant Belle. Seth was to her right, with Mega. Whilst Ryan was to her left, holding her hand tightly.
"I know you're wondering why I've asked you all here," she said. "So I won't keep you in suspense any longer."
She raised an eyebrow at the blonde tribe leader.
"Just because you already know, Blondie," she said, a glint in her eye. "There's no need to look so smug!"
Jay laughed.
I rolled my eyes at the pair of them.
"What she's trying to announce," I interrupted, giving Leo's hand a gentle squeeze. "Is that I've asked Leo to marry me."
No one really seemed to know how to react, and I could understand that. Should they be happy, that I was going to marry a girl who was soon to die? It was a surprising young voice that broke the silence.
"Do you get to wear a pretty dress?"
Sorrel had clambered up the bed to sit right beside Leo, her young eyes expectant.
"A really pretty one," she added. "Like Belle did."
For a fleeting moment, I thought Leo was going to cry. But somehow she stemmed the tears. For the time being at least. Instead, she put her arm around my little sister warmly.
"I'd love to wear a pretty dress, Baby," she said, talking not just to the six-year-old, but addressing the whole tribe, too. "But you see, Ryan and I have decided we want to get married today. Now. And there just isn't the time."
"You're getting married, now?" Belle said. "Right this minute?"
"Well why else did you think I got you all here?" Leo asked, a wry smile on her lips.
Mega stood up straight.
"We are gathered here today," he began. "To witness the..."
"Whoa!"
Leo held up her hand.
"What?" Mega hissed. "Those are the words you're supposed to say!"
Leo rolled her eyes.
"In the old days maybe," she said. "But this is a new world. So I say, to hell with the traditional mumbo-jumbo. Just tell it like it is, Moggy!"
With a despairing shake of his head and a smirk, Mega cleared his throat and started again.
"This annoyingly sarcastic cousin of mine," he said, trying to keep a straight face. "Has dragged you all in here, so that you can see her, and Ryan get married."
Leo beamed at her cousin. Obviously she approved.
"Now," Mega continued. "Ordinarily, in the old days, there'd be some kind of hymn at this point. But as this is no ordinary wedding, Leo has requested everyone sing a song."
"And that would be?" Ved enquired.
Bobbing down, Mega lifted an old tape recorder onto the bed. He pressed a button and a familiar tune began to play. Jay smiled. A good choice. He knew this was an old favourite of Leo's.

'Oh I could hide 'neath the wings;
Of the bluebird as she sings;
The six o'clock alarm would never ring.
But it rings and I rise;
Wipe the sleep out of my eyes;
My shaving razor's cold and it stings....

Cheer up sleepy Jean;
Oh what can it mean;
To a daydream believer;
And a homecoming queen.'

The room was filled with smiles as the tribe joined in with the tape. As he sang, not that he had the voice for it, Jay thought sadly. You believe, thought of Leo. You believe we can win over the virus. That we're not without hope. And I wish that you could be with me to help me make a difference. I wish you could be there for, Ryan. But you can't

**************************************

"And now for the rings.."
Mega fished around in his pocket, before producing two very different looking rings. The first, was a silver one, quite heavy, with a lightning bolt on it. Obviously a man's ring. Leo took it from her cousin, and slipped it onto my finger.
"It was my Dad's," she said softly.
Mega held out the other ring to me. It was gold, set with a single diamond that glistened in the light.
"My mum's engagement ring," Leo's cousin said solemnly.
I nodded my thanks, then put the jewel onto Leo's golden, outstretched finger.
"By the power given to me by..." Mega paused. "Well..by no one really, but what the hell! I now deem you man and wife."
There was a round of applause.
"Well give her a snog then!"
Leo doubled up with laughter.
"God, you're so romantic, huh, Moggy?" she giggled, before allowing me to sweep her up into a tender kiss.
Mega watched the happy couple. As did everyone. A smile was upon Jay's lips, but his heart was heavy.
Until death do they part....

**************************************

"Careful, Belle," said Jay, taking her hand. "It's pretty muddy down here."
The pregnant girl made her way slowly across the grass to the paddock. At the fence, a white shape raised its head expectantly.
"Hey, Thunderhead," Belle called out softly.
But the stallion dropped his head sadly.
It wasn't her..
Jay looked the horse over.
"He's gotten awfully thin, Belle," said, feeling the horse's once muscularly arched neck.
Belle looked into the albino's eyes.
"You want your Leo, don't you?" she said gently.
The girl turned her head to Jay.
"He'll pine for her until the end, Jay. You know that, don't you?"
The blonde nodded resignedly.
"There'll be one more grave to dig."
The girl swallowed the lump in her throat.
"That'll make three graves under that apple tree," she said her eyes on the stallion.
The animal didn't even acknowledge her.
It wasn't her...not his girl...
"There can't be anymore, Jay," Belle said urgently.
"What?"
"Three graves," she explained. "And no more. We can't let Ryan go this way," she nodded to the horse. "Ryan can't follow Leo. He has a place here. He has to live. And he has to do it without her."
"I promised her I would take care of him," Jay said resolutely. "And I will. There will be no more than three graves under that tree. I'll take care of him. Just like I'll take care of you."

************************************

'In my dreams I'll always see you soar above the sky;
In my heart there'll always be a place for you, for all my life;
I'll keep a part of you, with me;
And everywhere I am, there you'll be...'

"You're leaving?" Leo's voice quavered. "But why?"
Seth took her hand.
"You still believe she's out there, don't you?"
He nodded.
"I never stopped believing."
The girl drew Seth down to her, hugging him tight.
"Then take care," she told him earnestly. "You go and look for Sera. I hope you find her. You deserve to."
"Goodbye, Leo."
"Goodbye, Seth."

***************************************


'Well you showed me how it feels;
To feel the sky within my reach;
And I always will remember, all the strength you gave to me;
Your love made me make it through;
Oh I owe so much to you;
You were right there for me...

"What can I do you for, Baby?" Leo asked, tickling my sister affectionately.
The little girl's golden blonde hair hung loose, and slightly unruly, as she looked up at Leo keenly.
"Story!" she said gleefully. "Please?"
"I think we can manage that," she Leo replied, with a smile at me. "What sort of story?"
She'd obviously thought of this before hand, since she didn't hesitate to tell her.
"A true story," Sorrel said firmly. "A real story."
Leo closed her eyes for a moment.
"Okay," she said. "How about this?"
Sorrel settled herself in the crook of Leo's arm between her and me.
"Once upon a time," my wife began, thought it felt strange, yet right, to call her that. "There was a girl."
I put my arm around the two of them as I listened to Leo's rich voice.
"Now this girl, lived in a place where things were very different from what she'd known in her earlier years. It was more dangerous, more difficult to live in. But this girl had a family to help her. They weren't all her 'real' family, not all her 'real' brothers and sisters. But they became her brothers and sisters. They became her family."
Sorrel snuggled closer to Leo, who laid her head on my shoulder, and ran her fingers through the little girl's hair.
"And because they were a family, they grew stronger," Leo continued. "They learnt to rise above the world they'd seen fall apart, and they learnt to survive. They learnt to make a difference, that they could be something more. They learnt to live. The end."
Sorrel looked up at Leo.
"Is that really true?" she asked imploringly.
"I believe it is," the raven haired girl answered. "I believe in that story. And if you believe in it too, and if Ryan believes in it, then it must be real."
Leo's hazel eyes locked into mine.
"Do you believe it, Ryee?"
I stroked the little girl's hair gently.
"Do you believe they survived?"
I nodded.
"Yes, Sorrel," I said, my eyes on Leo all the while. "I believe they lived."

'In my dreams I'll always see you soar above the skies;
In my heart there'll always be a place for you, for all my life;
I'll keep a part of you, with me;
And everywhere I am, there you'll be;
There you'll be.

Chapter 30 - 'I'm Loving Angels Instead'

'I sit and wait;
Does an angel contemplate my fate;
And do they know, the places where we go;
When we're grey and old;
'Cause I have been told;
That salvation, lets their wings unfold....'

She's fading fast. You can see it in her eyes. Leo's fought to survive this long, she's hung on in there. But soon, all too soon, she'll have nothing left to give.
It seems such a cruel twist of fate. She could have died that night the stables went up in flames. She survived the virus. But now, death shall still come and claim her. I look at myself, and her illness seems all the more unfair. How can my broken, crippled body cling to life, and yet Leo is an inch from death? Why don't they take me instead? She can live without me, but I can't live without her .....I can't do it....

'So when I'm lying in my bed;
Thoughts running through my head;
And I feel that love is dead;
I'm loving angels instead.'

"Hey there."
Leo smiled, but didn't lift her head from the pillow. She couldn't.
"Come in," she urged, her voice barely above a whisper.
For a moment, Jay just looked at her, even thought it hurt. It hurt like hell to see her there, this once beautiful, vibrant, spirited young woman, now so frail, so broken, so spent. He had to fight the overwhelming urge to weep at the very sight of her hard. But he couldn't hide it. Not from Leo.
"It's okay, Blondie," she said sweetly, a sad, almost resigned smile etched upon her lips, tinged blue. "You don't have to pretend anymore."
It was as though someone had flung open the floodgates to the ravenous tides of Jay's tears. The streamed forth from his despairing hazel eyes, his hands covering his face. Leo just let him cry.
After what seemed like an eternity, the tribe leader felt the torrents begin to subside. Wiping his eyes, he finally found the strength to look at her again.
"I'm...."
"Don't say you're sorry, Jay."
Her voice was unfaltering.
"Don't ever feel you have anything to be sorry for. Not with me."
Jay rubbed his reddened eyes, removing the last traces of tears. He shook his head in disbelief.
"I don't know how you do it, Leo," he said. "I don't know how you keep the tears inside."
The girl patted the covers of her bed with her hand. Jay sat down beside her.
"Now, you listen to me, Jay."
Leo's tone was authoritive and commanding.
"I could lie here, and weep until I had nothing left," she told him, taking his hand. "But it wouldn't keep me here on this earth."
She smiled at him. He was a true leader.
"I have to accept the way things are, and make my peace. After that, I'm in destiny's hands."
Jay squeezed her hand tight.
"I'm going to make a difference, Leo," he said with conviction. "We need to build a future. One with hospitals, with schools, a better life."
"If anyone can fulfil those dreams, Jay," Leo said softly. "It's you."
Jay beamed at her compliment.
"I just wish you could be here to see it, Leo," he said, swallowing hard at the thought. "What am I going to do without my right hand woman?"
Leo laughed.
"I think someone else might want to apply for that position," she said with a wry wink.
Jay knew who she meant.
"You're the bravest person I've ever met," he murmured to her, brushing her hair back from her face. "And I'm honoured to have known you."
Leaning over, the tall blonde brushed his fingers tenderly across Leo's golden cheek, then pressed his lips fleetingly against hers. Their eyes met, hazel upon hazel.
"You're amazing, and beautiful," Jay whispered to her. "And you've fought so long and so hard for all of us. You sleep peacefully now."
"Jay..I..."
Leo was interrupted as the door was flung wide open. It was Ved.
"Jay!" he cried, a little out of breath. "You've gotta come. Belle's gone into labour!"
Jay wavered, unsure whether to leave her.
"Go," Leo insisted.
He nodded, understanding, getting up and heading for the doorway. He didn't look back.
"You go and build you dreams, Jay," Leo whispered softly. "And don't ever give up."

*******************************************

Mega wiped the bitter tears from his eyes.
He'd found the body just a few moments ago, exactly where he knew it would be. The albino stallion's crisp white coat stood out in stark contrast from the soft green grass under the apple tree. A lump in his throat, Mega brushed the horse's silky soft mane from his proud face.
"You waited to long for her, boy," Mega said quietly to the animal. "You won't have to wait much longer. She'll be with you soon."

********************************************

Leo cursed the steps loudly. She'd honestly thought she could manage this. Breathing hard, she held herself upright with a hand pressed to the wall of the corridor. It wasn't far now. Not far at all.

********************************************

"You can do it, Belle," Jay urged her. "Just take deep breaths. In and out."
The girl was exhausted. Her chestnut brown tresses were plastered to her face, slicked with sweat. The contractions were coming closer and closer together. The baby was coming....

*******************************************

I followed her down the corridor, far enough back so that she wouldn't see. I could have stopped her, after all, she was so, so weak. But I let her go. It was her choice.

******************************************

The fresh air felt cool against her skin. It was like a tonic to her lungs as they gulped it down. This was where she wanted to be: outside. The afternoon sunshine beamed down upon the girl, its warmth radiating through her, heat pulsating through her veins. This was where she belonged.
Leo's eyes were drawn to something white upon the grass: Thunderhead.
"Leo?"
Mega called out to her across the field. With difficulty, the weak deSilva girl took faltering steps towards the old apple tree.
"He's dead, isn't he?"
She didn't have to ask. Mega nodded.
A great gasp and a sob escaped her lips as she dropped to her knees upon the ground. Her fingers ran through his mane, traced the delicate veins on his face, her eyes brimming with grief.
"My boy," she wept desperately. "My beautiful, beautiful boy."
"Leo?"
I was beside her now. I'd followed her all the way out here, and to she her like this ripped at the very core of my being. Her face tilted up to me.
"Ryan," she said quietly, still stroking the motionless stallion. "If I had one wish, it would be to take you with me."
I reached down and touched her cheek.
"I know."
Her features were screwed up, fighting her tears.
"I'll wait for you."
"What?"
Her eyes locked into mine.
"You remember that day, at the beach?" she asked. "When you first saw me ride."
I nodded.
"Then that's how you should keep us," she continued. "In your heart, Thunderhead and I. We'll run with the waves and dance with the wind until it's your time to join us. We'll never grow old. And then, we'll be together again, and we'll run free for all eternity."
She reached up to me, and I held her, pulling her as close as the wheelchair would allow, savouring her warmth, her smell, her touch.
Leo sank back to the ground, the green grass soft underneath her. Her eyes met mine, still hazel, but their fire had almost burnt out. She smiled softly down at the body of her faithful horse, then lay herself down to him, pressing her cheek against his smooth neck, hands on his face. Her ebony mane entwined with his snow white. She sighed deeply. Mega and I watched as she laid with him, saying goodbye to her beloved Thunderhead.
"We should get you inside," Mega said to her, moving to help her up.
But she didn't reply.
"Come on, Leo," Mega repeated.
Still nothing.
I watched as he brushed back her raven tresses from her face. There was no rise and fall of her chest. Her eyes were closed, but she was smiling peacefully. She was where she wanted to be, where she belonged, out in the open air. She was free.

**************************************

"Just one more push, Belle."
The girl's chest was heaving as she gasped for oxygen. Squeezing Jay's hand for all she was worth, screaming at the top of her lungs, Belle pushed hard.
In her exhausted state, still panting heavily, her eyelids fluttered open at the sound of a cry, and felt a warm bundle being placed in her arms. Efrat beamed at her.
"It's a boy."
Isabelle laughed with relief. It was a boy after all! His pink face was all scrunched up, stretching out a little fist as he cried.
"He's beautiful, Belle," Jay told her tenderly, as the newborn clenched his tiny fingers around Jay's thumb. "Hey there, little man."
In the doorway, Mega's slight frame appeared. Belle grinned up at him.
"It's a boy," she said gleefully.
But Mega did not smile back. His face was blank, devoid of expression or emotion. Jay knew something was wrong.
"She's gone," he said, the disbelief heavily apparent in his voice. "Leo's gone. She's dead."

'Come a little bit closer; breathe a little more deep;
Smile a little bit sweeter; don't cry in your sleep.
Sing a little bit louder; run a little more free;
Love a little bit harder; Remember me;

When you can't stop crying and you feel your spirit dying;
I will comfort you each night;
A whisper in your heart.
I am always here to guide you;
I am standing right beisde you;
Watching you from heaven;
A whisper in your heart.'

Chapter 31 - 'And Between the Sand and Stone, Could You Make It On Your Own?'

I still can believe she's really gone. Every time I go into our room, I expect to see her lying in that bed quietly asleep, or smiling up at me. But the bed is empty, and it hits me again that Leo's not here anymore. The whole tribe has been at the same time overjoyed at the safe birth of Belle's son, and devastated by Leo's death. No one quite knows how to feel. There seems to be such a big hole, that no body can fill. Leo was the heart of this tribe. She was its strength, its grace, its wisdom. She was was its spirit. Without her, what are we?
Everyone is trying so, so hard. Too hard, if you ask me. I'm sick of them all. One minute, they're tiptoeing around me, the next they're trying to tell me everything is going to be alright, that Leo is still going to live on. But she's dead.....
The thought of what might have been is the hardest to bear. It steal up on me in the dead of night as I sleep, haunting my dreams. What if she was still alive?
Every time I look at Jay and Belle, I feel so envious of them, so utterly jealous. Leonora deSilva was all I ever had left in the world apart from my precious little Sorrel. Leo was my strength when I thought I wanted to give in, my legs when I could not stand tall, and my life when I thought I had nothing left. And now that she's left this earth, I just feel so empty, as if the very depths of my being have been ripped from my soul.
The day before Leo's funeral, Jay and Belle came to see me. Belle brought the baby, gurgling and cooing happily. Leo would have been about to give birth by now. The sight of the tiny, helpless, pink creature cradled tenderly in Isabelle's motherly arms, made me wonder what our child, mine and Leo's, might have been like. Would it have been a boy or a girl? Would it have been pale and blue eyed like me, or golden skinned and dark haired like its beautiful mother? I'll never know now. I've lost them both.
Jay and Belle had something important they wanted to ask me. They'd almost decided upon a name for the baby.
"We wanted to ask you first," Belle asked gently. "Just to make sure."
Jay smiled, his hand touched lightly to her slender waist.
"His surname caused more arguments and controversy!" the tribe leader had remarked wryly. "But, eventually, we agreed he should be simply an Addison, no double-barrels."
"Sanderson-Addison was a bit of a mouthful!" Belle quipped.
I watched their happy faces unmoved.
"And his first name?"
Belle took a deep breath.
"We wanted to name him after someone," she began. "We wanted to call him Leo."
She pronounced the name 'Lee-oh.'
"After the bravest person I've ever met," Jay had continued, his eyes misty. "A spirited fighter, with the heart and courage of a lion, just as her name implied."
"Do you mind?" Belle prompted gently.
I managed to briefly smile at Isabelle.
"Leo Addison," I said softly. "It suits him."
"Leo Freedom Addison," Belle corrected. "So you..."
"You've named him already, Belle," I murmured. "He is Leo now."
Belle hugged me tightly.
"Thank you," she gushed.
"And we'll be sure to tell him all about his namesake when he's old enough," Jay added. "She'll not be forgotten."

Everybody seems to be moving on with their lives, picking up the pieces and starting anew. But I can't. This world holds no hope for me, no comfort, not even from Sorrel, not anymore. I wish Leo had taken me to the grave with her. But I promised to live for her, not follow her. I can't betray that promise.
Jay keeps going on about his dreams. He wants us to start using the technology we have here at the base to bring power back to the city. He talks of re-opening the city hospital. He says that we need it, so that people like Leo don't have to die. Such dreams are fool's fancies to my mind. I can't help but sneer. The hospitals failed Leo before the virus, they could have saved her then, but they didn't. If it weren't for them she'd still be here. She'd be here with me.
All I can do now, is dream of a paradise. One far away from here. A place where I am free. Where I can stand tall upon my own two feet. Where I can truly live again. Where Leo and I can be together always, running with the wind and the waves just like she told me. A place like that holds far more comfort for me than this earth ever can. The technology is in my grasp. It is all around me as I speak. I have the power. I have a vision. I'm going to rebuild the future, but I'm going to do it my way. My own Paradise.